25 hour

Chapter 41 Ch41 Confession

Qin Zheng opened his eyes.

It is better to say that more than half of his consciousness remains in his dream. The scene of him slamming the door in his youth is right in front of him. When Qin Zheng opened his eyes and saw the dim ceiling, he almost thought he had fallen into some bridge hole. Down.

This idea is a bit outrageous. After all, his family is rich, and his father knows that he has been treated badly. It was not until Qin Zheng really started to disobey him that he played the trick of freezing the account.Before this, Qin Zheng had never been short of money to spend. Even when he ran away from home immaturely, he only opened a room at Xianji Hotel for a few days, and then went back to face his family who seemed nothing had happened. Get along as if nothing had happened.

It reminded him of under the bridge... probably because the barren and cold days of Iceland finally penetrated into his thinking.

Yes, he's in Iceland right now, in his own bedroom, on his comfy soft bed.

The curtains in the bedroom were not all drawn, leaving a small piece of light at the end of the bed, and someone was nestling in a chair in the corner reading.

He was so engrossed in reading that he didn't even hear the movement of the person on the bed.

Qin Zheng didn't make a sound to remind him. He just looked at Shen Teng quietly for a long time in the state of losing his sense of time. It was so long that the man turned over a few pages and finally remembered to look up at the patient. They finally finished the conversation. See.

"you're awake?"

After five hours, at 08:30 in the morning, Shen Teng smiled and asked Qin Zheng this sentence again.

"You can sleep a little longer, it's not time for work yet."

Qin Zheng shook his head and sat up from the bed.

The sequelae of physical discomfort have not completely disappeared, and all of this has long been traceable—as early as the night before his birthday, Qin Zheng already felt uncomfortable, just because he thought he was within the control range and only ate A few pills were perfunctory, but he didn't expect that the medicine didn't work, and it also had a conflict with alcohol. Coupled with some other mental reasons, he fell ill all at once.

I wanted to explain a few words, but I was very thirsty, and when Shen Teng put down his book and walked over, he thoughtfully served him a cup of cool white tea with just the right temperature.

From last night to now, Qin Zheng slept for neither a long nor a short time, during which Shen Teng had been watching by his side.

This glass of water is estimated to be less than 10 minutes from boiling to cooling. It is a coincidence, and it should have been changed several times patiently and patiently by someone who doesn't know when he will wake up. Under normal circumstances, Qin Zheng He would avoid being so self-indulgent, but the few words that Shen Teng kept in his memory intermittently last night suddenly gave the second young master a bit of weak confidence at this moment.

He became apprehensive and bold, with his heart beating like a drum, and he wanted to ask Shen Teng directly what he meant, but he was afraid that all this would still be just an illusion of his own in the end, so he pressed his lips against the glass and hesitated for more than ten seconds, and finally decided Why don't you just shut up...

"Everything said last night still counts."

But Shen Tom interrupted his self-doubt.

The blackout curtains were drawn, but there was still a layer of thin sky blue curtain behind it, which washed the sky dimly.

Shen Teng was sitting on the edge of the bed very close to Qin Zheng. He was wearing the loose sweater with holes that Qin Zheng found out for him yesterday. His two long legs were naturally stretched forward, and his arms were propped on one side. He spoke in a calm voice. After saying that, he turned his head to look at Qin Zheng again, and said seriously: "It may be a bit abrupt, but it is indeed my proposal after careful consideration. If possible, I hope you are willing to think about it."

About liking, being in love, and what we should do next.

What a surprise.

Listening to him talking nonsense for three full years, I really didn't expect that one day Shen Teng would be so sincere that people could not speak.

To be honest, Qin Zheng didn't think about this scene.

To be honest, due to the pitiful lack of relationship experience, although Qin Zheng was proficient in unilateral aggressiveness before, once he got a response, he suddenly felt at a loss. He didn't know what to do or how to say it was right. Move forward subconsciously and instinctively.

And instinct told him to say less and make less mistakes.

Seeing the unmoved and even empty expression of the second young master, Shen Teng couldn't help laughing: "Do you still don't believe me? Well, I admit, my credit line does seem a bit precarious. Otherwise Let me be more frank, about why I want to die, although you never asked, you have always cared about it, right?"

Qin Zheng didn't answer, so Shen Teng leaned forward and opened the last curtain.

The bedroom suddenly brightened, Qin Zheng, who was used to living in the dark, unconsciously squinted his eyes, and so did Shen Teng.But he adapted quickly, and when he sat back on the bed again, the man put his hands behind his back, looked at the steeple of the church in the distance, and frankly stated the reason he had never told anyone.

"I didn't intend to tell anyone, because I thought it was my own business. But since the two of us are involved in this proposal, it's more fair to tell you. It's actually very simple. I just don't think there's anything too attractive about being alive." I'm out of place.

"Sometimes I wonder if I pushed myself too hard before, and when I realized it, it seemed that I had spent a normal person's life ahead of time. Do you understand? It's the kind of thing that suddenly loses interest in anything The feeling. Although I can see different scenery every day, after getting used to it, even the completely different pictures don’t make much difference in my eyes.

“I seem to have done a lot of things in the past 20 years, but I don’t know when I woke up every morning, and I always fell into a very long emptiness.

"Remorseful obsessions, hard-to-pay dreams, people who really can't let go...I have nothing. It seems that there is nothing in life that can keep me.

"I've tried so hard to change this, I've even gone to see a therapist, but I've never gotten any useful results other than innocuous advice.

"At this time, if something that can directly sentence me to death suddenly appears, I can instead get a little more energy, try to do something different, and feel alive from it... Can you understand?"

He said a lot, which sounded absurd and moaning without illness, but the logic was self-consistent, and it was indeed a real trouble he had encountered.

No one is qualified to judge another person's choice of life and death, and Qin Zheng did not judge either. He just followed Shen Teng's words and asked: "Different things, including going to Jiangcheng to see me?"

He spoke for the first time after waking up. Although he had just drank water, his voice was still hoarse.

Shen Teng looked at Qin Zheng with concern, took another sip to moisten his throat, and then replied with a smile on his face, "I was only going to do two things before I died. I went to see you, and then went to see the aurora."

Really flattered.

Qin Zheng twitched the corners of his mouth, and even smiled: "Is it helpful? I mean, for you to feel alive again."

Shen Tomato nodded, and said seriously: "Very well. In the two months since I met you, every day, I think it is more real than the sum of my past many years. But——"

but.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

After a long while, Shen Teng finally turned his head from the silence, and looked at Qin Zheng with an indescribable expression mixed with love and helplessness: "I didn't finish talking just now. Went for a physical examination."

Originally, I just wanted to try it with a senseless and boring attitude. Since the doctor couldn't save me, would there be any other answers that would make him give up treatment completely.

I didn't expect it to exist.

Shen Teng raised his finger and pointed to his eyes, calmly: "I won't go into details, it's just that there is something extra here, which needs to be removed by surgery, but the probability of successful treatment is extremely low, except for dying on the operating table. In addition, it is more likely that I will be completely blind. Frankly speaking, this ending is more difficult for me to accept than death."

He lives so proudly.

To Shen Teng, there is no difference between completely losing the light and being cut off from the world directly, and it will even be more painful.

He can't imagine how he will live on for the rest of his life when he can't see anything. Except for Shen Yuru, no one in this world can really help him, but Shen Teng doesn't want to be the shadow of his grandmother's free life at all—the truth In fact, he doesn't want to be anyone's shadow.

It’s really nothing to live by yourself. Human beings have strong willpower and can survive most of the darkest moments in life, but Shen Teng’s survival instinct seems to be less than half that of others, as if it’s just because there is no “must die” The reason is still lingering in the world.And when he learned from the doctor what was waiting for him, Shen Teng's first reaction was to look out the window and breathe a sigh of relief—finally, he could end this long and boring day ahead of schedule.

Qin Zheng lowered his eyelids.

Shen Teng's answer is not surprising.

Qin Zheng had uncontrollably guessed many possibilities before, and there were many more outrageous and absurd than this, but the answer Shen Teng just gave was too realistic and real, and it seemed to be more black and white than others. The reason is more room for maneuver.

But also because it was too realistic and real, it made people feel that the punch that was swung into the void before suddenly hit the rough wall, and what followed was the dull pain of blood and flesh that was felt belatedly.

For a long time, Qin Zheng always felt that he didn't know Shen Teng well enough, but in fact, he already knew Shen Teng better than most people in the world.

Qin Zheng is very clear and understands that losing the light means that life is worse than death for Shen Teng.

Of course he can persuade Shen Teng not to be afraid, even if you can't see, I will always guard you.But if he said this, could he be completely sure?Shen Teng was used to standing alone, independent of life and death, so how could he easily hang his future on the uncertain answer of getting along with another person.

But now...he seems to have changed his mind, right?

Qin Zheng heard Shen Teng suggest again: "But let's give it a try. I want to treat you better..."

Having said that, he laughed himself, and admitted frankly: "I also want to treat myself better."

Qin Zheng moved his lips, but his voice was still hoarse: "What do you think is included in the content of the test?"

Shen Teng had already prepared for this question. He tilted his head and answered confidently with a smile: "Just like all lovers, holding hands, kissing, hugging, occasionally quarreling, but always reconciling, trying to understand and tolerate each other , let’s see if our reluctance for each other will eventually turn into a true love that can accept anything, right?”

It's complete, but not that complete.

Qin Zheng raised his hand to help Shen Teng brush his long hair behind his ears, and added softly: "Different people want different things. With me, it is you who are willing to really let me into your whole life, and let me know what you want every day. What you eat, do, and think about all the time, is also when you wake up in the morning and find that your furniture is broken, your windows are smashed, or even after you go out and find that you can no longer see the sun and anyone alive. It doesn’t matter, because you can share all of these with me, and let me handle them with confidence—this is the core content contained in the option of ‘Try it with Qin Zheng’.”

The young man's tone was too calm, making it impossible to tell whether he was telling the truth or exaggerating to scare people.But the actual situation is that there is an even more exaggerated Qin Zheng that has not been said yet, but just a few words just now have exposed the tsar's paranoia, stubbornness and breathless possessiveness.

Shen Teng looked at him quietly all the time.

Qin Zheng was shaking, he realized.

"My illness scares you?" Shen Teng narrowed his eyes and smiled.

Qin Zheng shook his head without thinking.

"That's nothing." It's obviously a matter of life and death, but apart from reluctance and pity, his attitude of understatement is not inferior to Shen Teng's performance in his self-report just now.

"I'm just... suddenly a little uncertain."

I'm not sure whether I, as a child who grew up in an unhealthy environment, can really give others a healthy love that can hold up the boat of life.

But that's just an excuse.

Qin Zheng clearly knew that this uncertainty was only short-lived.

If he was really such a timid person, he would not have chased after Shen Teng from the very beginning, and since he decided to provoke him, Qin Zheng had already made all preparations deep in his heart.

It's just that for a long time in the past, even if he gradually figured it out, what he made was more of a plan to be ignored and abandoned in the end.And if Shen Toma really likes him, and even decides to love him... Qin Zheng is afraid that he can't help wanting more, too much, very much, and eventually makes Shen Tom regret everything he said to the 24-year-old Qin Zheng. In a word.

He paused, then continued to ask nonchalantly, "Do you still want to try?"

I, who can't immediately nod firmly, am I still the same person as the person you want to try who seems to have a "clear future"?

Shen Tomato looked at him for a long time—maybe a long time, maybe not that long—finally nodded, and replied with a smile in his eyes: "I think about it."

Qin Zheng's Adam's apple rolled slightly: "When will I try?"

Shen Tomao thought for a while: "If... there are no other accidents, let's wait until the guitar is ready before we decide on the next step, shall we? Before that, if anyone feels something is wrong, they can stop it in time - of course , I personally am very reluctant to stop it at the moment.”

Qin Zheng remained silent.

As if realizing what he didn't say, Shen Teng laughed: "Do you still think I'm coaxing you? I like you."

Shen Teng leaned closer and rubbed Qin Zheng's chin with the tip of his nose, coaxing him in a soft voice: "Your Majesty, I have never told anyone that I like you except you."

Moreover, Shen Teng didn't just "like" Qin Zheng, but "liked it very much".

I like it to the extent that I am willing to try what it feels like to be deprived of your freedom.

Qin Zheng grabbed his hand.

"What are we going to do now?"

Shen Teng blinked, the novelty and apprehension in his eyes was no less than going to start the most amazing adventure in his life.

The last time I saw him like this, it seemed to be in Budapest, he was coaxed by Qin Zheng to go on a "date", but apart from scorching bread early in the morning, this man had no idea what to do on a date.

Qin Zheng put his hand behind Shen Teng's neck, rubbed it softly but without passion, and gently pushed the man into his arms.

"Sleep with me for a while."

He found that his tense nerves suddenly loosened, and after the relaxation, exhaustion swept Qin Zheng's body again.

This time it was Shen Tomato who said "yes".

The two lay down together, and Shen Teng stretched out his arms cooperatively, wrapping his arms around Qin Zheng's waist like hugging a cactus yesterday.

He was still talking: "But I still want to remind you again, dear, due to my own reasons, I still can't make a promise to you for the time being. I have thought carefully about whether my current behavior is very bad. If I even If you are not sure about your own life or death, maybe I shouldn’t give you any expectations, it’s better to settle the matter directly and simply. I like you very much, and I don’t want you to be sad because of the unsatisfactory result in the end, but it’s also because I like you so much, that's why I want to try it out with you. I..."

"I'm sleepy." Qin Zheng interrupted his chatter.

"Aren't you sleepy? You've been talking all night."

Shen Teng raised his head speechlessly: "Have you started to dislike me for talking too much?"

Qin Zheng lowered his head, buried it in Shen Teng's neck, raised the corners of his lips, and rubbed the tip of his nose vaguely and lightly: "I'm afraid you're thirsty."

He is always right.

Shen Teng opened his eyes wide and looked out of the window, rubbing Qin Zheng's hair like coaxing a big dog he had never been lucky enough to raise: "When do you want to start making guitars? Let me tell you Up front, I will not delay the construction period for any reason."

But Qin Zheng completely ignored his question: "I want to sleep with you for a while. Right now."

Shen Teng: "...Okay."

Because of Qin Zheng's first reason, Shen Teng delayed the planned construction period.

But it doesn't matter.

Now, let us sleep for a while without caring about anything, and be happy quietly for a while without anyone knowing, shall we?

Sweet dreams, dear.

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