I'm not

Chapter 18

The night outside the hospital was very dark. After I bought water for Wanshu, I came out of the store. As soon as I looked up, I saw a sharp silver knife hanging in the sky, harvesting people's silence.

I suddenly thought of Baudelaire's poem in "Flowers of Evil": "The secrets of this troubled mind of mine are fuller than the drawers full of balance sheets, romantic scores, petitions, love letters and poem manuscripts, and volumes. The thick hairs in the receipts are indispensable, and the cupboard holds even more. It is a real pyramid, a huge catacomb with more bodies than the public catacombs.”

Baudelaire is such a genius, if I were a poet, I could hide my love in obscure and secret lines, turn them into a string of characters that no one can understand, a line of formulas that only I can decipher .

It's a pity that I'm just a vulgar walker under the moonlight, and I'm holding a bottle of excuses to cover up my panic - because my love is not so great and brave enough to stay in that fermenting VIP ward.

Then I entered the man-made brightly lit building under the gaze of the moon, and I walked slowly, waiting for my spirit to follow.

The eldest brother was still standing silently at the door. This time he saw me coming, and looked up at me, as if asking if I wanted to beat him again.I showed a smile, he didn't stop me this time, I turned sideways and entered the house.

Dong Shao has already woken up. He is leaning against the bed, eating the meal I brought in a very slow way. He is eating the pine nut corn I made for Wanshu.

"Thank you for coming to help, but don't spread the news of my injury in the company." Dong Shao saw me coming in and looked up at me. He apologized very gracefully, but his expression made me want to put the chopsticks in his hand. Grab it and throw it on the ground.

So I just nodded slightly, and then said to Wanshu: "Are you tired? Can you go home now?"

Wan Shu pondered for a while, and said, "I'll stay here overnight..."

Just as I was about to say something, Young Master Dong interrupted: "Wanshu, you're also shocked, you'd better go home and rest, I'm fine, I'll call my assistant to help me later." He glanced at me inadvertently, and then Said: "You rest for a few days first, don't rush back to the company to work, and take care of your body."

Wan Shu couldn't say anything more, and thanked Young Master Dong: "Then I'll wait for the assistant to arrive before leaving."

So we fell into a weird silence on the way waiting for the assistant to come. Young Master Dong didn't eat, so he lay on the bed and looked at Wanshu. standing with a bottle of water in his hand.

In the end, it was Dong Shao who spoke, and an awkward expression appeared on his calm and confident face: "Wanshu... I'm sorry, it's my fault, I wanted you to have an unforgettable birthday today. "

"It's okay, I still want to thank you, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know what's going on now." Wan Shu said, but I just wanted to frown, "It's just, I... um..."

"I know, I won't do this kind of thing again, I'm sorry." Young Master Dong had a trace of annoyance in his eyes, "However, your birthday present must be accepted."

Wan Shu frowned and looked back at me, as if helpless, with a wry smile on her lips, I knew this gift must be accepted.

Dong Shao self-consciously took out a blue velvet box from his clothes beside him, which looked like a ring. He looked at Wan Shu with some caution, "Is it okay?"

"Young Master Dong, this...is too expensive, I can't accept it." Wan Shu said, waving her hands, her voice was clearly refusal - it was the kind of struggle that she knew she couldn't refuse.

In the end, the blue velvet box was still held in Wanshu's hand, like a blue scar.I didn't speak during this push and push, because I knew I was the one who had no right to speak.

I thought Young Master Dong's gift was a valuable ring at first glance, but instead he gave a pair of earrings, small white jasmine flowers lined with dark velvet, flowing like a ball of light.

It's expensive, but it's also beautiful.

I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence, because Wanshu likes Jasmine very much, in my opinion, there is a high probability that it is not. My feelings tell me that Dong Shao is just a rich and wealthy young man who has nothing to do. He likes to use self-righteous ways to chase people Skills, but my rationality tells me that he is a little willful, but an ordinary man who knows his mistakes and can correct them. He has love in his heart, and that love is true.

Inexplicably, I thought of Baudelaire again—"I am a grave that even the moonlight loathes."

Lying quietly at home is a collection of poems, which is also a gift. I was too hasty on the way here and forgot to take it with me, so it has not been handed over to its owner yet.

Wanshu was very silent on the way home. She sat in the back seat of the taxi and kept looking out the window.I was worried that Wanshu would be afraid to take the car because of the car accident, but she said it was okay, and it was too late, so I had to take a taxi home.

I held her hand all the time in the car, cold and slender, trembling hands, I understand that Wanshu is still afraid, I understand her, but I didn't say anything to comfort her, I feel that she is very sad now, she doesn't want to talk the kind of sadness.

The light in the house was still on, and I didn't turn off the light when I left. Wanshu walked into the bright living room, as if she was suddenly discouraged, she became slumped, and she shrugged her shoulders and lay on the sofa.I was behind Wan Shu and saw her shoulders twitching like a small animal.

I stroked Wanshu's trembling back, hugged her in my arms, and whispered, "Don't be afraid." She turned around and hugged me, her tears smeared on my clothes. "Don't be afraid," said the voice.

Wanshu is a very typical person who is soft on the outside and strong on the inside, but in fact, if you look deeper, she is still soft at heart.On the outside, she is used to using her strong side to cover and even protect her soft parts. Because of her soft appearance, many people will ignore her strength, so she tries to make herself as tough as possible.Many people praised Wanshu for her toughness and softness, high efficiency and neatness, but I feel sorry for her in order to adapt to the changes in this society. Although this is necessary, I still can't help but feel sorry for Wanshu.

She held me until our body temperature did not distinguish between you and me.

"Do you know what I was thinking at the moment when that car rushed towards me?" Wan Shu said, her voice was next to my ear, "I was thinking about my life."

"I think about the life I haven't lived, the half bar of chocolate left on the table, the dishwasher I haven't bought, the house I don't even have my name on. I think I haven't had a big relationship yet, I'm not reconciled to not holding hands and wearing a ring with someone I love."

"But now you can still get those things done, and you've got plenty of time," I said, "you're fine."

"Susu, I'm a little scared, but what I'm afraid of is not that I don't have time to complete these things, but that the time I look forward to before I die is actually not so beautiful, even vulgar. I hate vulgarity, and I think that in the future I may Still living this vulgar life. I’ll fall in love and marry anyone, have a kid or two, pay the mortgage, send the kids to school, and the life I’m living isn’t mine, it’s someone else’s.”

"I will even spend my whole life with a stranger." Wanshu's expression was sad, even sad.

"Wanshu, most people in the world sleep in the same bed with strangers, but I don't say this to persuade you to find anyone, just to tell you that vulgarity also has vulgar happiness, otherwise 90.00% of the world It’s all pain.” I said, “Wanshu, the price of being too sober is to lose happiness, and I hope you can be happy, Wanshu, I only hope that you can live the life you want, maybe in the future you will find someone who I can get rid of vulgarity with you."

"I just want you to be happy forever."

Wanshu didn't speak, I don't know if she understood what I meant, her eyelashes were soaked with tears, and her sweat-drenched black hair stuck to her fair face, making her look charming and lovable.

Just when I was almost staring blankly at the strand of black hair around Wan Shu's lips, she suddenly raised her head and looked at me with moist and focused eyes, and I seemed to be a teardrop in her eyes.

"Yu Su, do you think I can find that person?"

Wanshu's gaze is a stream, a drizzle, a cloud, I was surrounded, soaked, sinking, and finally drowned.I was speechless, I was scared, and I avoided her gaze.

It was a silence that took my breath away.

"Wanshu..." I said with difficulty, my voice was dry and terrible, "I have a gift for you." I didn't dare to look into Wanshu's eyes.

I fled back to my room in a hurry to find the collection of poems I left alone at home. It was lying on the table, even though it was wrapped in a layer of wrapping paper, it was inconspicuous at all.

I picked it up and walked back to the living room.

Wanshu was sitting on the sofa, looking down at the blue velvet box in her hand. The box in her hand was open, and the jasmine inside was quietly blooming on the dark black flannel, shining brightly.

"It's beautiful, this pair of earrings." Wanshu's voice couldn't tell if she was happy or something else, it was more like stating a fact, "Susu, are you right?"

I nodded, although I really didn't want to admit it, this pair of stud earrings really matched Wanshu's temperament.

Wanshu took the gift from me and asked, "Can you open it?" Actually, I didn't understand why she asked me such a question, so I said, "Of course." She opened the wrapping paper and saw the paper on the cover. "Flowers of Evil", with a surprised expression, said: "It's Baudelaire! I like it very much, thank you, Susu."

I don't know why, although all of Wan Shu's performances, whether it's the expression of surprise or her cheerful words, are the same as usual, but I still feel a subtle sense of dissonance, as if in this " Normal" conceals something.

Is Wanshu angry?

With a little bit of loss and worry, Wan Shu and I sat on the sofa and had another conversation. We agreed that we would make up this chaotic birthday later, and after that, the moonlit night was over, and we each went back to our rooms to sleep.

In this night, Wanshu's wet and soft gaze has been lingering in my dream, I have been thinking about it, but I don't understand it.