I'm not

Chapter 19

[How are you doing recently? ] A message popped up on WeChat, a simple sentence followed by a smirk, it was sent by Cheng Xingjian.I smiled slightly, but when I found myself frowning slightly, I retracted the curvature of the corners of my mouth.

I returned: [It’s okay, the work is going well. 】A dog head with a crooked mouth is also added at the back.

[That's good, I believe in your ability. 】Send it over soon.

【Is there anything else?Don't just talk about work. 】I haven't replied to Cheng Xingjian's message yet, a new one was sent.

What else?I smiled wryly. Ever since I left the campus, work is the whole of life. People still have to eat—others are just luxuries.

I thought about it and didn't know what to give him back, so I wandered for a while and sent him [it's okay. 】

The person on the other side didn't reply to me any more, and I was in no mood to chat, so I flipped through Weibo, but didn't see anything.

I put down my phone and looked at the dark night outside the window. The summer night in Beicheng was exceptionally clear. The stars were shining brightly and submerged in the shadow of the lights. I don’t know whether the stars turned into lights or the lights flew into the night sky and turned into stars. This kind of night made me Thinking of Wanshu's eyes, I always use the night sky to describe her eyes, which are clear and deep, gentle and quiet, but sometimes they contain tears, which is heartbreaking.

It's beautiful, but I'm not in the mood to appreciate it now. The darker the night, the later Wanshu will come back.I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room. On the table are the dishes and chopsticks I finished eating. I didn't wash them. I have no motivation for anything now.

Wanshu hasn't come back yet.

Since Dong Shaoshang returned to work, his pursuit of Wanshu has changed from the beginning, and even his whole person seems to have changed. At work, he is still the decisive boss, but he treats his feelings, Seemingly starting to face it squarely, he restrained himself from being overbearing and unreasonable, so that his whole body became gentle.

So when he started to worry about Wanshu's feelings, he became an ideal suitor and a perfect date, so it was only natural that Wanshu would gradually soften her attitude under his pursuit.It's as if Wanshu accepted Dong Shao's invitation today, which is nothing more than normal.

I told myself over and over again that this is normal, but I can't restrain my depression, who can judge whether my depression is abnormal?

I want to convince myself that I hate Dong Shao, but I can't, I can't hate this man wholeheartedly, I must admit that he is very good, in all fairness, except for some obstacles in his family background, Dong Shao is a very good man companion.

It is because I am not generous enough to accept him as my best friend's future partner without reservation, and at the same time I am not mean enough to let my malice belittle and slander his personality.

I feel like a fish, wandering around the bright water surface and the deep valley bottom, ups and downs between joy and pain.

There are still unwashed dishes on the table. In the past, after eating, I just wanted to wash up quickly, and then sit on the sofa with Wanshu, watch TV and chat. Now these desires/desires have disappeared——Wanshu also did not return.

Wan Shu is too gentle, even if she promised to date Dong Shao, she did not forget her co-tenant.After Wan Shu agreed to go on a date yesterday, she broke the news to me, and then started worrying about my eating - apparently she forgot that I was a fully capable adult.I don't know if this is out of her nature, or does she feel an inexplicable apology for me?Anyway, she made dinner anyway, and left a careful note.

I didn't refuse, in fact, I don't know how to talk to Wanshu these days, my brain and language system are out of balance.Whenever I look at Wan Shu's eyes that are as dark as the night, I feel a pang of sadness. Some problems have been ignored by me, and I deeply despise my weakness.

Just when I was almost at a loss about myself, Cheng Xingjian's phone rang, I gathered myself together, and then connected: "What's wrong? Call me suddenly?"

"How are you doing recently?" Cheng Xingjian's voice was relaxed and cheerful, and even I was a little bit excited, but I didn't understand where my excitement came from.

"Very well, it's just that the weather in Beicheng is too hot recently, people are lazy and don't want to move." I said, "What about you?"

"I'm fine here too. I just got a salary increase recently, so I can't wait to show it off to you." He laughed twice, then coughed twice, as if hesitating, "...Bai Wanshu is okay, I heard you said before , do you live together now?"

I was silent for a while, "That's right, we are renting together now." I said, "The housing prices in Beicheng are still quite impressive."

Then there was a silence, a silence that I was familiar with, and I often lost something in this silence, or gained something, I didn't know.

"Yu Su, tell me," Cheng Xingjian spoke very slowly, I understand that he is very serious now, "Do you like Bai Wanshu?"

Without warning, when I heard these words, my tears flowed down. I really didn’t even think about it myself. How can human tears fall in a second?

Because of the sudden tears, I wanted to open my mouth to speak, but I was choked and hiccupped abruptly.

I tried my best to restrain myself and didn't want to make a sound, but the uncontrollable tears flowed more and more fiercely, so that I couldn't speak at all, I could only make some specious noises - I obviously didn't want to cry.

I must be very ugly now, I am very afraid that Wan Shu will come back now, so that she will see me holding up the phone and crying, and she will definitely ask me what is wrong with concern at the first time.I was afraid of that scene, it might be more painful than the scene where I saw Wan Shu dating Shao Dong.

So I went to the bathroom, and I felt dizzy as I walked, and some of my eyes even went black.I leaned against the tiled wall of the bathroom, and the cold sensation ran down my arms all over my body, and I felt cold on this scorching summer day.

Cheng Xingjian didn't speak, and I finally couldn't hold back my sobs—the sobs of self-defeating.

Now I suddenly really want to see Cheng Xingjian, if he is here, he will help me get a tissue, the last thing I want to see is Wan Shu, I am too ugly.

"Yu Su, Yu Su, Su Su," Cheng Xingjian said, sighing, his voice was steady and powerful, I tried to calm myself down.

"You like her, Susu, you love her."

I saw this embarrassed person in the mirror, her eyes were red, her face was full of tears, and the word "sad" was written on her face, why?I asked her, is loving someone a sad thing for you?Why are you in such pain?

She didn't answer me, she just shook her head at me, so I said to Cheng Xingjian on the other end of the phone: "I didn't love her."

I said to the person in the mirror, you didn't love her.

Cheng Xingjian let out a long sigh on the phone, and he called my name again: "Yu Su."

I said: "What?"

He paused for a moment, and said in a lighter voice: "I'm on annual leave recently, are you welcome to visit Beicheng for a while?"

"Welcome, it's just that I have to go to work and may not have much time to accompany you," I controlled my voice, "but I will definitely pick you up and help you find a good hotel."

"It's okay, just come and pick me up," Cheng Xingjian said, "I won't talk to you, goodbye."

I took a deep breath and said, "Goodbye."

After that I washed my face, tidied myself up, went to the kitchen to wash the dishes, I understood, I seemed to understand.

The water flowing through my hands is very comfortable and cold, a bit like Wanshu's body temperature.

After putting the clean bowl into the cupboard, I just heard the sound of the door opening, so I tried my best to hook the corners of my mouth, turned around and said, "You're back!"

Wan Shu sat in the porch and took off her shoes, feeling a little tired, she lowered her head and said, "Yes, I'm so tired."

"Didn't you go on a date? What did you do, why are you so tired?" I walked over.

She put on her slippers and rubbed her legs, "A date? I don't think so." She sat on the sofa, stretched it out, and said to me, "Don't you feel tired eating with your boss?"

"You don't need to treat him as your boss—"

"What do you take it for?" Wanshu asked me back, her eyes shifted, and she looked lazy.

"Take it as..." The "boyfriend" in my mouth couldn't tell, so I finally had to say: "Take it as a friend."

"I have very few friends." Wanshu glanced at me, "You count as one."

"It's a great honor," I smiled, and said again: "Then you can treat Young Master Dong as me." After I finished speaking, my heart tightened, I don't know what Wanshu would think.

"Why is this the same?" Wan Shu smiled, "It's different."

"What's the difference? Let me tell you, couples first become friends first, how can there be so many love at first sight in the world—"

Wanshu interrupted me: "Do you think Young Master Dong and I are a couple?" She tilted her head, seeming a little puzzled, "I don't think so at all."

I almost couldn't keep laughing: "Probably because you have a superior-subordinate relationship..."

"That's right," Wan Shu didn't care, she lowered her eyes, "Maybe. But it's really not easy for me to eat with him. I want to come back and have a good meal at home."

"Then do you want to eat something else?" I was worried that Wanshu didn't have enough to eat, and I didn't know if Wanshu went to those expensive restaurants that couldn't feed people, so I thought about doing something else.

"Okay, let's order some noodles, is there any more at home?"

I went to cook for Wan Shu, and Wan Shu was chattering about something, I simply ordered a bowl of egg noodles with tomato, and responded to her.

"By the way, the former monitor of our high school called a few days ago, saying that he was collecting information and wanted to send something. Your information has expired. I will make up a new one for you." Wan Shu said, and I nodded , I didn't care too much, because I changed my number after I moved, so I would not be able to get in touch, but I didn't expect the monitor to call Wanshu.

"How can I call you?" I asked.

"Maybe it was because we were always together at the time, and the monitor thought we might still be in touch." Wanshu ate noodles, and I sat next to her. "But she's asking the right person. Others may not know about it."

Others definitely don't know, I said in my heart.

Late at night, we fell asleep in our respective rooms, and I had a dream.

In my dream, I saw those trails covered with red leaves and plum petals. Many people in school uniforms were coming and going along the roads. Wanshu was waiting for me at the end of the trails, holding a vanilla-flavored ice cream in her hand.I ran towards her and tried my best to push through the crowd, but more and more people blocked my footsteps. I watched the ice cream in Wan Shu's hand melt, and she looked at me with a frown. is sad and sad.

I yelled Wanshu's name and waved to her, but she didn't seem to be able to see or hear me, so she turned and left, leaving behind a lonely figure.

Until her back also disappeared.