let him land

Chapter 9 Unworthy of Happiness

Xie Chuan asked Zhuo Lidong: "How do you know that today is my birthday?"

Zhuo Lidong raised his eyebrows, and his tone was very natural: "I celebrated your birthday since I was a child, can you still remember?"

He said it as if he had never left in the past 13 years, as if he had never returned to Yibin, let alone disappeared since returning to Yibin.

Xie Chuan gritted his teeth: "Then why didn't you contact me after you returned to Sichuan?" He clearly told Zhuo Lidong back then, remember to call me when you go back?Here, this is my landline number. Although you already know it, remember to add the area code when you call. I go to school during the day, so you can call me at night... 15-year-old Zhuo Lidong kept nodding, okay , ok, hey, I remember, can I still forget you?Don't worry, don't worry, I'll send you some photos of my hometown later...

Xie Chuan waited for him for a long, long time.In the first month when Zhuo Lidong returned to Sichuan, Xie Chuan thought, it must be because he had just moved back home and had too many things to care about contacting me; in the second month, Xie Chuan thought, whether the matter of Zhuo Lidong's high school was resolved ?Maybe he is busy with this matter now; in the third month, Xie Chuan thought, Zhuo Lidong must be too busy at the beginning of school now; half a year later, Zhuo Lidong still did not call, Xie Chuan thought, he Just temporarily forget it?He is always a character who doesn't care about anything, forget it, forget it, and wait.

Until Xie Chuan entered the third year of high school, he had already waited for two full years.He finally had to admit that Zhuo Lidong probably forgot him.

So when he saw Zhuo Lidong at the leader's dinner that night in September, he really wanted to pretend he didn't know him and turn his head away.I thought you lost your memory in a car accident 13 years ago.

The room was so quiet that only the sound of the range hood remained, "Huh-huh-huh-" like an angry fat man.Zhuo Lidong and Xie Chuan stood face to face, neither of them spoke.In fact, Xie Chuan knew that he was quite ignorant. Zhuo Lidong worked so hard to stuff and smoke sausages just to give him a birthday surprise. How about him?

But, but he knew that he was not overturning old accounts for the sake of overturning old ones. He didn't want to be with Zhuo Lidong in such a muddle-headed way again. He wanted to break up the things between them and make it clear. What should be forgiven should be forgiven, what should be forgiven should be regretted sorry, and then they can—

"Xie Chuan, I'm sorry," Zhuo Lidong sighed, "I just returned to Yibin, I didn't know the place well, my parents got divorced again, I was... confused, I forgot to contact you. Later I remembered It was too long, and a lot of things happened in between, I don't know how to tell you."

He lowered his eyes, pursed his lips, and looked nervous.There was still a smoky smell on his body. If you looked closely, there was a gray mark on his chin.

"...It doesn't matter," Xie Chuan raised his hand, and wiped away the gray mark on Zhuo Lidong's chin, "I am, and I was waiting for your call for a long time."

Zhuo Lidong grabbed Xie Chuan's hand and kissed his palm, then he turned and went to the kitchen, turning off the stove.Xie Chuan stood at the door of the kitchen, watching him take out the cooked sausage, slice it and put it on a plate, his fingertips were burned red.The sausage was dark pink in color, Zhuo Lidong picked up a piece, and stretched his chopsticks to Xie Chuan's mouth: "Taste it."

It's not very spicy, but the peppery smell is quite strong. Xie Chuan hasn't eaten sausage in six years, but he's sure it's the taste.

That's what it should taste like.

That night, the two of them cleaned up four long sausages and served them with rice and beer, making them sleepy.Xie Chuan hadn't eaten so full for a long time.Xie Chuan huddled under the blanket at night, looking up how to make fermented glutinous rice on his mobile phone.During Chinese New Year in the past, his family often boiled fermented glutinous rice eggs for breakfast, or fermented glutinous glutinous rice balls, all of which had a faint smell of wine, sweet and sour, and the dense glutinous rice formed into pieces, like small islands floating on the sea.

After Zhuo Lidong took a shower, he hugged Xie Chuan from behind, snatched his mobile phone and put it on the bedside table.

"Still playing with the phone," Zhuo Lidong smiled, and bit Xie Chuan's exposed shoulder, "Take it off yourself, Chuan Chuan."

The next day, Xie Chuan was almost late for work, and was eating in the cafeteria at noon. A colleague asked, "What's the matter, Xiao Xie? Did you have a stiff neck?"

"...No," Xie Chuan smiled awkwardly, "I was mopping the floor at home yesterday, and my waist was flimsy."

"You young people!" The leader of the office next door joked, "All of you are so delicate, and so is my son. Yesterday his mother asked him to help pinch his shoulders. After pinching for a while, he said that his hands hurt! Hey, I didn't pinch my shoulders a few times. His hand hurts."

The crowd laughed, and Xie Chuan laughed too, thinking that next time he couldn't keep the same posture, I couldn't stand it... thinking about it, his ears and cheeks became hot.

Another colleague went on to say, "The main reason is that she always sits in the office and doesn't exercise too much. I think Director Guo is in good health. I heard that she goes out to play shuttlecock every night."

The phone vibrated, Xie Chuan took it out, and saw a text message from Zhuo Lidong.Why did you send a text message?Don't you usually send WeChat?

"Xie Chuan, the company asked me to go back to the headquarters. I have something urgent. I don't know when I'll be back. I put the keys of your house on the dining table."

Xie Chuan was stunned.

Back to headquarters—back to Shanghai?Don't know when to come back?

Bearing back pain, Xie Chuan walked out of the cafeteria quickly and dialed Zhuo Lidong directly, but Zhuo Lidong hung up the phone within a few seconds of ringing.

Xie Chuan called again, but he turned off the phone.

Xie Chuan sent Zhuo Lidong a WeChat message: What does this mean?

Send again: You answer the phone first.

Waited 10 minutes, no reply.Xie Chuan called Zhuo Lidong again, but the phone was still turned off.

The cold wind outside was blowing on his body like a knife, and Xie Chuan's ears and cheeks instantly cooled down.

Back in the office, several colleagues were drinking tea and chatting.

"Go to Thailand? It's cheap," said a colleague, "and it's warm. Winter in the north is too cold."

Another colleague shook his head: "I went there last year. There were too many people during the New Year. Everywhere I went, there were Chinese tour groups... I think Taiwan is nice, warm, and cheaper than Thailand."

Another colleague put down his teacup and lowered his voice: "Do you know? Director Guo's daughter and Manager Zhuo are blowing up! I heard that the mother and daughter are going to Europe to relax."

Xie Chuan's heart skipped a beat, and the hand holding the phone also shook.

"It's not easy at all, is it?" The man who wanted to travel to Taiwan curled his lips, "Director Guo is also too anxious. If he finds a good condition, he will introduce it to her daughter. I don't think that the boy's condition is so good. I definitely want to find him. Pretty, all men are like that."

The colleague shrugged ambiguously: "It's really not because of this, I heard that it is... That Manager Zhuo has actually been married a long time ago, but he has been pretending to be unmarried. His wife came from Shanghai last week!"

"Is it real or not? I don't think so. I've met Manager Zhuo before. She looks young. Maybe she's his wife? Maybe she's a girlfriend or something?"

"I've heard that too, I've heard that the woman went directly to their company, her marriage certificate was almost thrown in Manager Zhuo's face, but there was a big fuss, many people heard her scolding Manager Zhuo, saying no Go down and leave!"

"It's so exciting, haha, but it's okay to leave, then Director Guo and her daughter have another chance, let's get married again hahaha..."

Several colleagues laughed together, and Xie Chuan stood among them, so he had to laugh with them.Smiling and laughing, I accidentally crushed the thin porcelain cup.

"what!"

"Oh, this cup can't hold hot water, can it?"

"Let's go, I'll accompany Xiaoxie, Brother Zhang, hurry up and call a car!"

...Xie Chuan was sent to the hospital by his colleagues in a hurry. His palms were bleeding all the way, and the blood dripped on him one by one. Soon his jeans were stained red.This pair of jeans was the Levi's that Zhuo Lidong bought for him before. He didn't want them that morning, but Zhuo Lidong still put them on his legs.At that time, Zhuo Lidong pinched his thigh in satisfaction and said, it's so pretty.

Xie Chuan didn't feel pain in his palm, in fact, he didn't feel much pain in his heart either.

He was just in a state of confusion, why, why did Zhuo Lidong lie to him?They're all kids from the family home, they have the same memories, they're all bat-like people with nowhere to go - why lie to him?Is it because he has done something bad to be punished?

Ah, yes, bad things.

...Yes, he did bad things.

On June 2011, 6, the graduation ceremony ended.He has already signed a contract with a foreign company in Beijing, and he feels that he will never have to go back to Gancheng or that small backwater city in his life.He's graduated, he's got a job, he's independent.He plucked up the courage to call his mother and said, Mom, I am actually gay, and I will never like girls in my life. Sorry, if you don’t accept it, I will not go home. I will go directly to Beijing to work.

What did mom say?My mother was so anxious that she kept saying, Chuanchuan, don’t be impulsive, let’s come to Changsha, ah, Chuanchuan, wait for us to come——

Unable to buy a ticket, my parents drove to Changsha overnight.

When they endured fatigue and walked to Yueyang, an overloaded truck rammed straight into them.

everything is over.

The colleague went back, Xie Chuan was lying in the infusion room of the hospital, his hands were wrapped in thick gauze, he had a fever, and his body was cold by fits and starts.Next to it, a middle school student was playing "Where Are We Going, Dad", a young mother was coaxing her child to sleep, and two old grandmas were chatting.Xie Chuan closed his eyes, infused the fluid with one hand and wrapped the gauze with the other. He couldn't wipe away his tears.

He deserved it, all of this was punishment, he was so complacent that he and Zhuo Lidong could be together happily, he even had a momentary urge to tell Zhuo Lidong those things, he thought Zhuo Lidong could tell him that there would be more in the future. I'm with you - no, I won't.All the pain and nostalgia lingering in memory, all the numb and lonely life, all the deception and disappointment he suffered... are all punishments.

He deserves it, he never deserves to be happy, he knew this six years ago, but he almost forgot.