let him land

Chapter 10 Let Him Land

Xie Chuan will never forget that summer when he graduated from college. He excitedly planned everything: graduation trip, renting an apartment, working...and most importantly, coming out.

At that time, he had unlimited expectations for life. Like every child who left the family home and Gancheng, he felt a kind of freedom where the sky was high and birds could fly.He envies those enlightened parents in novels and on the Internet, but he also understands that with his independence and growing stronger, he already has enough strength to fight against his parents—more precisely, against Gancheng's backwater and backwardness. Parental traditions stubbornly resist.That's right, Xie Chuan at the time firmly believed in that sentence: Everyone must leave their original family.

Unlike his parents who have lived in a family home all his life, he has received higher education, has been to more places, and seen a bigger world. He has deeply realized that he is different from his parents. He wants to leave his original family, and The first step in getting out is coming out.

But later——afterwards, he cremated his parents' remains in Yueyang, holding two heavy and cold ashes urns, for a moment, he didn't know where he should go.

Only at this moment did he realize that he no longer had a home.

The place where relatives died is his hometown. He finally paid the price for his ignorance and childishness. He lost his home and his hometown.He returned to Gancheng, back to the family courtyard, there was still half a can of unfinished Lulu on the coffee table in the living room, he knew his mother liked to drink this; his father's T-shirt was still hanging on the balcony, and he could smell it when he got close. The fragrance of washing powder.Is this his home?What about parents?Where are parents?

Since then, he never left Gancheng again.He is alone in this world, and all he has are the ruins of memory and the illusory sceneries above the ruins.Time seemed to stand still, and he lingered in his memory, willing to spend the rest of his life in this way.He has admitted that he does not deserve new happiness, it must be punishment, he deserves it.

After the liquid in the glass bottle was transfused, the nurse came to remove the needle for Xie Chuan. Xie Chuan asked softly, "Is the door closed at night?"

"No, our infusion room is open 24 hours."

"Ok, thank you."

"You're welcome," the nurse looked at Xie Chuan, probably thinking it was strange that the man didn't go home after the infusion, and reminded, "Your fever has subsided temporarily, but you still have injuries on your hands. You should pay attention to rest these few days and don't eat. Raw and spicy."

Xie Chuan smiled at her: "Well, okay, thank you."

Xie Chuan lay in the infusion room all night, the incandescent lamp was shining brightly, and his injured palm felt the slightest pain.He thought to himself, what are these few months?Perhaps for Zhuo Lidong, it was a steal.And what about him?For him, this is an experiment, he has tried it, if it is with Zhuo Lidong, is there any possibility of happiness?Is it possible to forgive myself?Is it possible to go back to memory?The answer is, no.

However, this is not bad, 13 years ago he and Zhuo Lidong broke off contact indiscriminately, and 13 years later, they finally had a specific reason for their separation again - cheating and being cheated are also reasons.Xie Chuan stared at his hand wrapped like a white rice dumpling, he thought that maybe next month, next year, or ten years later, he would recall these few months like a big dream, although being deceived is a painful thing, But at least we are happy when we are together. From now on, the ruins of his memory will add new ruins. These ruins are enough to support him to live. Floating in the evening wind.

The next day, Xie Chuan went home.He no longer had a fever, and his spirit recovered a lot.It's just that the gauze-wrapped hands were a little troublesome, Xie Chuan wrapped them tightly in plastic bags, and then took a hasty shower.He crushed the cup, but the wound was actually not deep.The leader generously granted him a week's leave, but he still wanted to go back to work as soon as possible, after all, everyone was busy at the end of the year.

Zhuo Lidong took all his clothes away, but the messy things he bought were still there: black tea, pepper noodles, cumin powder, kimchi jars... and a drawer full of sausages in the refrigerator.Xie Chuan was still using these things. After half a month, the wound on his hand was basically healed, so he made dumplings for himself, stuffed with sauerkraut and pork. The sauerkraut was soaked in the kimchi jar Zhuo Lidong bought, and The pepper noodles are added to the stuffing, which tastes very good.He also often cooks and eats the sausages. After all, they are made by people from Sichuan. They taste really good. He can’t help but cook a section every two or three days. Slowly, the whole drawer of sausages is eaten up.

At this time, Zhuo Lidong had not heard from him for 42 days.

In half a month, it will be the Chinese New Year.

Xie Chuan didn't try to contact Zhuo Lidong, and Zhuo Lidong didn't contact Xie Chuan either. Maybe this is the tacit understanding between the children in the family home?Once in the tea room, Xie Chuan heard from his colleagues that Manager Zhuo's company had sent a new manager, a woman who was very skilled.

On the 28th of the twelfth lunar month, Xie Chuan had a holiday.

On the night of the 29th of the twelfth lunar month, Xie Chuan was lying on the sofa playing games. When the team battle was in full swing, an unfamiliar number called.

The place of ownership of the number is Yibin, Sichuan.

Xie Chuan answered the phone.

"Xie Chuan." Unexpectedly and unexpectedly, it was Zhuo Lidong.

"Ah."

"I'm downstairs at your house."

"……Now?"

"Yes, now."

Xie Chuan went downstairs, and sure enough, Zhuo Lidong was standing downstairs in his house.What he was wearing was actually the coat he wore when he came to deliver rice cake candies.

"I'm sorry." This was the first sentence Zhuo Lidong said when he saw Xie Chuan.

"I'm divorced." This is the second sentence.

Zhuo Lidong took out a small square book from his pocket, and handed it to Xie Chuan.This year, the family courtyard has changed to a new property. In the few days before the Chinese New Year, the property company installed many red lanterns and small lanterns in the courtyard.With the flickering light of the small colored lights, Xie Chuan saw clearly that it was a divorce certificate.

The red lantern also reflected Zhuo Lidong's eyebrows and eyes very brightly. Xie Chuan saw the stubble on his chin and a pair of worried eyes.He stared at Xie Chuan motionlessly, like a child waiting to be scolded after making a mistake.

"Why did you lie to me?" Xie Chuan asked.

"I have been separated from her for a long time. I originally agreed to go for a divorce in September this year. I was on a business trip, but it didn't work out. My mother went to Shanghai to find me after she fell ill and met her. My mother didn't know about our situation. , and told her that she left us a house in Guiyang."

"Then she refused to divorce, and kept arguing all the way to my company headquarters. I have to go back, and this time I'm going to talk about work—hiss!"

Xie Chuan punched Zhuo Lidong in the face.

"I didn't ask this!" Xie Chuan grabbed Zhuo Lidong's collar tightly and gritted his teeth, "I'm asking you, why did you recruit me before you got divorced—don't you think it's very wicked of you to do this?"

"Because I can't help it," Zhuo Lidong was punched, but his tone was still open and sincere, "It was only after we returned to Yibin that my mother and I found out that my father had always had another... family in Yibin, and that woman still I gave birth to a daughter for him. So as soon as I went back, my parents divorced. I followed my dad. Not long after that, his business went wrong and he owed a lot of money, like 200 million. Since then I lived in school, my mother left, and my father hid with his wife and daughter. I often didn't know where he was for months. Do you know that feeling? I was alone School, no one I know, I can't even understand their words, I have no money, they all look down on me... Xie Chuan, I really wanted to come back at that time, but I couldn't, I could only tell myself, be good Just learn and grow up."

"But it didn't get better when I grew up." Zhuo Lidong's voice became lower and lower, he lowered his eyes, and said calmly, "I was admitted to a good university, went to a big city, and found a good job... …but still not for the better, I am a man with no home and no hometown, all my struggles are to move forward, but I can’t even tell where I come from. For a long time, I miss In the days in Gancheng, my parents were not divorced at that time. Although they often quarreled, they were still a family. I didn’t doubt it at that time. I thought Gancheng was my home, and the family courtyard was my home. Later I met Yang Luhan—my ex-wife, she is from Gancheng. I didn’t love her very much, and she didn’t love me very much, but I thought...that she and I could form a family. It still failed.”

"When I met you again, that night, do you remember? You went to deliver things to your colleagues, and we walked slowly along Chunhe Road. I actually had a familiar feeling. Many years ago when we were in junior high school In this way, after class, I walked slowly... I saw that you were still in Gancheng and living in the family courtyard. I was very, very excited. I had the feeling that after so many years of floating, I finally fell back to the ground. The people and places I remember are still there, and with you, I...I feel like I have my hometown again, my home again."

Xie Chuan let go of his hand and didn't speak.

After a long silence, Zhuo Lidong said: "I know I'm shameless, I'm sorry."

At this moment, Xie Chuan felt no anger in his heart, it was as bright as water splashed on the ground and frozen.His only thought was: So we are the same, we have nothing to lose, we are the same.Whether you say that this is the common destiny of the children in the family courtyard, or that it is a sign that we gather like birds of a feather and divide people into groups, we are the same.Bats, not birds or beasts, are floating in the night wind somewhere, eager to land.

We yearn for a home, for a hometown, for homesickness, for finding the same kind, for returning to memory, for a place to land.

Xie Chuan turned around, and Zhuo Lidong hurriedly grabbed his wrist: "I have already applied to the company, and I will be stationed in Gancheng in the future."

Xie Chuan continued to walk forward, Zhuo Lidong dragged the box to follow, staggering: "Xie Chuan—"

"...Zhuo Lidong," Xie Chuan said in a low voice with his back turned to him, "I'm back home."

He didn't know why he believed him so much, maybe it was because of the special sense of smell between bats.Zhuo Lidong can find many reasons, which one is more direct and effective than talking about a lot of past events, no home, no hometown?Who will believe such a reason?

Only the children in the family home can believe, understand, and empathize.Because of this empathy, he is willing to believe it, and believe it again.

Xie Chuan and Zhuo Lidong celebrated the New Year together.

Before returning to Gancheng, Zhuo Lidong went to Guiyang to attend the funeral for his mother.Then he transferred from Guiyang to Chongqing and bought a lot of food: bacon, sausages, yellow cakes, zheer root, pea tips, fresh bamboo shoots... Xie Chuan made another jar of fermented glutinous rice, the first time he made it, the taste was a bit sour, But overall it was a success.So this year, the two of them had a particularly rich life, eating and drinking all the time from the [-]th to the seventh day of the new year.

One night they all got a little drunk and walked in the courtyard hand in hand.When we walked to one place, we recalled the past together. Here, Zhuo Lidong’s mother played shuttlecock with several aunts; here, Xie Chuan’s mother set up a stove to smoke sausage; here, Zhuo Lidong fought with a boy from Panzhihua Stand; here, several grandparents set up a small table to play mahjong...

The winter night wind blows cold on the face, only the hands that are held together are warm.They talked about these people, who died of cancer, who had no news after going to Inner Mongolia with their children, who was able to go downstairs two years ago and was completely paralyzed in the past two years, who still occasionally met... they closed With the naked eye, you can still see the scene many years ago, and you can still hear the accent of those people speaking Sichuan dialect.Where are those people now?Most of them are dead.

Finally, in the former boiler room and later the parking lot, Xie Chuan told Zhuo Lidong the reason of his parents' death.That heart-piercing memory was narrated by him softly, the voice was so soft that it seemed to be blowing away in the wind.

After hearing this, Zhuo Lidong held Xie Chuan's hand tightly and said, "I will always be with you from now on."

Then they hugged each other, and they hugged each other for a long time in silence, until the moon was overhead and caressed them in its soft light, and they went home together.They both know that while regrets are always regrets, ruins are always ruins.But they have decided to love each other, to be with each other, to inhabit their home and memory together.

Although they are dusty and scarred.

But they finally landed, together.

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