dislocation

Chapter 20

The next morning, He Zhishu couldn't eat anything anymore. He only took a small bite of the steaming glutinous rice balls, and pushed them to Jiang Wenxu.

"Brother Jiang, eat it. This is the second... the most delicious glutinous rice balls I've ever eaten. It's really passed down from my mother." He Zhishu lay powerlessly on the dining table, looking sideways at Jiang Wenxu, just like Jiang Wenxu used to make when he was a boy. like that. "Why doesn't Mom teach me?"

"As for our Chef He, he usually only cooks big dishes like West Lake Vinegar Fish. Let us leave this side dish to those little characters who are not very skilled." Book.

He Zhishu was amused by Jiang Wenxu's serious appearance, he knew how much he weighed, and he knew how to make West Lake vinegar fish, but he knew how to cook salt-soaked carp. "Well, it makes sense, the young man is quite enlightened."

"Thank you...the leader...praise...praise, hiss——" Jiang Wenxu was scalded by the stuffing flowing out of the glutinous rice balls without paying attention.

"Hahaha, no one is robbing you, it will be yours from now on." He Zhishu handed the warm water to Jiang Wenxu, not aware of anything wrong with his words.

Jiang Wenxu took the warm water, but didn't drink it.His eyes lowered slightly, he moved to the glutinous rice balls in the bowl, and then smiled lightly. "I want you to grab it with me."

Seeing Jiang Wenxu's disappointed expression, He Zhishu's heart also became heavy.The increasingly unclear consciousness and the dull pain from the body from time to time, like a life-threatening clapper, knocked on his heart one after another.

"Brother Jiang..." He Zhishu narrowed the distance with Jiang Wenxu, hugged his waist, and leaned his head on his shoulder. "I had a dream last night."

"Huh?" Jiang Wenxu put down his spoon, and gently stroked He Zhishu's wrist.Last night Jiang Wenxu actually didn't sleep all night, he was listening to He Zhishu's breathing, he was feeling He Zhishu's heartbeat.He was afraid, afraid that Zhishu He was gone.

"I dreamed that you disappeared, and I couldn't find you anywhere." Zhishu He looked out the window. The sky was blue and the weather was fine. He looked back at Jiang Wenxu, and then said, "Brother Jiang, I'm looking for If you are gone, you must find me."

Looking at those clear eyes, Jiang Wenxu believed in Zhishu He just like that, believed that Xiaoshu would wait for him, believed that his Xiaoshu would come back.

"Okay. I'll definitely find you."

I will definitely find you.

It was already ten o'clock in the morning, and the warm winter sun had already hung very high, and the sun shined on the dining table through a large piece of glass without hindrance.He Zhishu touched the light and shadow with his hand, and smiled brighter than the sun.

"Brother Jiang, the sun is out, I want to go to the yard to bask in the sun again."

When Jiang Wenxu carried He Zhishu into the courtyard, the sun rose even higher.As if he had expected it, He Zhishu put on that windbreaker today. Jiang Wenxu was afraid that He Zhishu would be cold, so he specially put a blanket on him.Jiang Wenxu sat on the wicker chair, which was very big, and He Zhishu curled up in Jiang Wenxu's arms.Jiang Wenxu was wearing He Zhishu's off-white padded jacket from yesterday, which was soft, and He Zhishu squinted his eyes in comfort as he lay on it.

"Happy New Year." Jiang Wenxu took out a painting album from his arms, the one that He Zhishu treasured, and gave it to He Zhishu.

He Zhishu: ...

Hidden better than me.

"Thank you Brother Jiang." He Zhishu held the album in his arms, and opened it without haste.He raised his head and waved to Jiang Wenxu, signaling Jiang Wenxu to lower his head.

The moment Jiang Wenxu lowered his head, He Zhishu wrapped his other arm around his neck and kissed him hard on the face.

"Happy New Year." He Zhishu let go of Jiang Wenxu, and said softly, accompanied by a cheerful tone and a warm smile.He Zhishu opened the album and pointed to the paintings on it. "Huh? April 2000, 4..."

He couldn't remember it, even if he had flipped through the painting album many times before, he couldn't remember it.He forgot too many things.

"April 2000, 4, that day, I drew the first picture for you, but you have been listening to the class carefully and don't look at me, so I can only draw your side face..." Jiang Wenxu also pointed to the The secondary painting, telling him what happened that day.He Zhishu listened quietly at the side, occasionally letting out a chuckle.

"really?"

"Is that right?"

"I really said that?"

……

When the warm sun rises to the highest point, all the jasmines are in bloom, and they sway their fragrance wantonly in the sun.The emerald green leaves call the snow-white flowers, like the purest love of youth.

"Huh? No more." He Zhishu finished flipping through the last painting, and there was still a blank sheet of paper left in the album.

Jiang Wenxu closed the album and said softly, "The rest, when I find you, I will draw for you, okay?"

Will you finish drawing it with me?

"Okay..." He Zhishu agreed, and he hugged the painting album in his arms as carefully as if he was holding a treasure.

He Zhishu's voice became softer and slower, and Jiang Wenxu hugged him even tighter. He was afraid that He Zhishu would just disappear.

"Little book?"

"Ah?" He Zhishu looked into Jiang Wenxu's eyes and answered after a long while.

Jiang Wenxu gathered the blanket and asked in a low voice. "Is your body feeling particularly uncomfortable? Is it cold?"

"No, I'm so warm from the sun... My body is so light... I think I'm about to become a fairy." He Zhishu squinted his eyes and looked into the distance, talking nonsense, the sunshine today is so good.

"Yeah." Jiang Wenxu saw He Zhishu's happy expression, and his eyes were red.

Xu Shi heard Jiang Wenxu's sad tone, He Zhishu looked back at Jiang Wenxu, and gently touched the corner of his eyes. "Brother Jiang, you can't cry today...or it will block my reincarnation, and then you will...where can you find me?"

When he was young, He Zhishu liked to read some books on physiognomy and numerology for a while, and he also liked to read Jiang Wenxu's palm.Every time Jiang Wenxu talked about the merits of feudal superstition, but he still passed his hand and listened to He Zhishu's analysis to him.Later, He Zhishu became obsessed with Jesus again, and told Jiang Wenxu about the Sabbath day and returning to the earth. Jiang Wenxu was talking about foreign feudal superstitions, and he accompanied He Zhishu to study the resurrection of the lost in the millennium. possibility.

Now, it's actually the same.

"Okay, brother is happy holding the little book, and it won't block the way. Baby, if you are tired, just lie down, stop talking, and listen to brother." Jiang Wenxu held He Zhishu's hand and smiled .

He Zhishu didn't intend to stop, as if he had a lot of things to say to Jiang Wenxu. "No...I want to chat with Brother Jiang..."

"Okay, brother chat with you." Jiang Wenxu lowered his head and rubbed He Zhishu's forehead. This intimate and childish behavior made He Zhishu laugh.

"Brother Jiang, I lied to you." He Zhishu stopped his smile and stared into Jiang Wenxu's eyes, really like a child who did something bad.

Looking at He Zhishu's aggrieved look, Jiang Wenxu raised his eyebrows and asked, "Little book can still deceive people?"

"Of course... I learned from you." He Zhishu took it for granted, and the guilty expression just now disappeared.

"Okay, I broke our little book." Jiang Wenxu nodded with a smile.

"Well...Brother Jiang, I lied to you before, can you not find someone else in the future...you must wait for me, then...then if you really meet someone...you really like it, can you ...Don't treat him better than me." He Zhishu faltered and his voice became lower and lower.

Can my brother Jiang only like me?

"No. I only like you very much, I only love you very much. There has never been anyone else, never before, and never will be."

Xiaoshu, I only love you.

I believe you.

He Zhishu avoided Jiang Wenxu's fiery gaze, and looked away embarrassedly. "Then what if... what if you are too old to remember me in the future?"

"At that time, I will still remember you. I can forget everyone, but you can't." Jiang Wenxu tilted his head slightly, blocking He Zhishu's random gaze. "Besides, at that time, I have found you, so is it possible that you still want to drive me out to date other old men and old ladies at dusk?"

"Hahaha, then I won't be able to." He Zhishu moved the hand that was being held, and clasped Jiang Wenxu instead, stroking Jiang Wenxu's smooth knuckles. "Well... I saw the ring you hid in the cabinet. Later... you find me, and you have to wear my ring for me."

It became more and more difficult for He Zhishu to speak.Jiang Wenxu bowed his head and kissed He Zhishu's hand, and He Zhishu looked over Jiang Wenxu's back neck and saw the pink clouds in the distant sky.

"Yes. I will definitely wear it for you." Jiang Wenxu looked up.

"Brother Jiang, wait later...wait later..." He Zhishu let go of Jiang Wenxu's hand, let go of the album, and hugged Jiang Wenxu, so reluctantly.

The painting album slipped from He Zhishu's lap onto the rattan chair, almost without a sound.

"Huh?" Jiang Wenxu was still smiling, but his crooked eyebrows were stained a little red.

"Brother Jiang will take me home in a few days... Then it will be warmer, find a day when the south wind blows... Then I can follow you forever." He Zhishu whispered, his eyelids were too heavy Yes, He Zhishu needs some effort to open it.

"Okay." Jiang Wenxu hugged Zhishu He tightly, not wanting him to slip away.

"Brother Jiang..." He Zhishu's smile deepened, and the dimples became more obvious.

——Brother Jiang, I promise you.

——Brother Jiang, you have to treat me well in the future.

——Brother Jiang, I'm not afraid, I'll go with you.

——Brother Jiang, don't cry, I didn't bully you.

——Brother Jiang, happy birthday.

——Brother Jiang, my parents are gone.

——Brother Jiang, come back early.

——Brother Jiang, look back at me.

——Brother Jiang, this cat looks like you.

——Brother Jiang, jasmine smells so good.

——Brother Jiang, you have to wait for me.

——Brother Jiang, He Zhishu loves Jiang Wenxu, and I love you.

Brother Jiang, Brother Jiang, Brother Jiang...

"I'm here." He said, he was.

Jasmine in front of her eyes was dyed the color of sunset again, the sun was about to set.Xiaguang shines on them, Jiang Wenxu faces the light with his back to the light, with the brightest smile, he looks the best when he is young.

"School is over...let's go home together..." Zhishu He said softly, also with a smile, just like that year.

He has forgotten a lot of things, but he still remembers you, remembering you who came home together after school.

"Well, I'll take you home." Jiang Wenxu opened his mouth, so cautious, so affectionate, as always.

Xiaoshu, I will take you home.

The boy in memory turned into the boy in front of him, he said, he wants to take you home.

Slowly, the light in He Zhishu's eyes was blocked by his eyelids, and melted into the smile at the corner of his mouth.

Slowly, Jiang Wenxu's hand covered He Zhishu's chest, and there was no movement.

Is gone.

"...Xiao Shu, go to sleep, I will accompany you." Jiang Wenxu buried his head in He Zhishu's neck, and smiled softly. "It's not cold anymore."

The fragrance of flowers carried his voice to the distance, and dissipated in the sunlight. The cat curled up to sleep under the eaves, and the yard was quiet.

No one answered.

Zhishu He still didn't get an answer from Jiang Wenxu that afternoon.

When they arrived at Jiang Wenxu's house, they had already moved out.In the second semester of the second year of high school, Jiang Wenxu didn't come either.Later, He Zhishu's grandfather passed away, and He Zhishu stood in the corridor of the hospital crying.Dimly, he saw the boy again, waving to him at the end of the corridor with his schoolbag on his back.However, when he opened his eyes again, he was gone.The boy named Jiang Wenxu has since disappeared from his world.

"Xiao Shu, you will be 31 after the new year." He Ma put the folded clothes into the suitcase, took the photos on the table, and stroked them gently. "Now...your father is gone too. If I leave by then, leaving you alone, mother is worried."

Last month, He Zhishu's father died of leukemia.Even though He Zhishu is strong enough now, there are some things he can't keep, such as his father's life.A few days ago, He Zhishu took his annual leave and was going to accompany his mother to go outside to relax.

After so many years, when I heard my mother's words, the first thing that came to my mind was that boy.

"Mom, do you remember Jiang Wenxu? My deskmate. It's that good-looking boy who came to my house to learn how to make glutinous rice balls and sent me a 17th birthday present." Zhishu He put away his passport , and sat next to Mama He.

"Well, Mom remembers him..." He Ma replied slowly, as if she was trying hard to remember, she faintly felt that some things had already developed in an irreversible direction.

Jiang Wenxu, she remembered.How many times after she got off work, she saw that little friend sneaking behind He Zhishu. When He Zhishu went upstairs, he stood there, looking at the window of his house.Sometimes it was a few minutes, sometimes it was half an hour, and one time she remembered very clearly, it was two hours and six minutes.Even though he was a young child, his back was so heavy.

He Ma looked at He Zhishu, held his hand, and spoke softly. "During that time, when you two had conflicts, he would always secretly send you home. When I mentioned him at that time, you were upset, so I didn't mention it."

Sneak me home, Jiang Wenxu secretly sent me home.

He Zhishu was stunned, looking at his mother in disbelief.After a while, he said: "...Yeah, he is always so kind to me. I have been afraid of pain since I was a child. When I was in school, I didn't even dare to learn how to drive. He would always ride a bicycle around half of the city. Drive me home. It’s cold in winter, he is such a sleepy person, he will always get up early for me, buy me soy milk, and put it in his arms, afraid that the soy milk will be cold. In summer, the sun is too dazzling, he always He will change places with me, use a book to block the sunlight outside the window, and let me read the book carefully..."

It has been 15 years, and Zhishu He thought that time would dilute everything, but in fact, he never forgot Jiang Wenxu for a day, and he even remembered the printing on the soy milk paper cup very clearly.

Seeing He Zhishu's grief-stricken look, He's mother didn't know how to comfort him, but held He Zhishu's hand even tighter.

"Mom, I like him, I love him." He Zhishu looked away, looked down at the floor, his vision became more and more blurred.

"...but I can't find him."

It was raining lightly in Hangzhou that day.But it didn't stop people's enthusiasm. They walked on the streets of Hangzhou in pairs, one holding an umbrella and the other holding bright red roses, talking and laughing.

February 2015, 2 is Valentine's Day, and there are four days before the Spring Festival.

Jiang Wenxu closed the car window, thinking, they are so tacky, what kind of roses do they like.Unlike my little book, who only likes pure white jasmine, Jiang Wenxu hugged the urn tightly in his arms again thinking of this.Assistant Song glanced at Jiang Wenxu from the rearview mirror, and found that Jiang Wenxu's drooping eyes were red again, so he looked away.

That day, they went to Anxian Cemetery.In fact, there is nothing in the tomb of the two people buried together, only a key to the house.

"Xiao Shu, we are home." Jiang Wenxu returned to Beijing on February 2, declined Zhang Jingwen's invitation, and returned home alone.

Today is New Year's Eve, and there will be fireworks outside Beijing's Fifth Ring Road. Jiang Wenxu wants to watch the fireworks at home with He Zhishu.

Jiang Wenxu entered the house, turned on the lights in all the rooms, and when he left the study, he kicked the tuanpu at the door, where the cat slept.

——Brother Jiang, the kitten hasn’t eaten yet.

--Um?Oh oh oh, okay, I'll warm up the fish soup left over from yesterday for them later.

As if it was just yesterday.

"What about the cats, Xiao Song will send them back to us tomorrow." Jiang Wenxu said to himself, but no one answered him in the empty room.

In the past, Xiaoshu was also like this, alone...he thought.

Little book, little book, little book...

Holding the urn, Jiang Wenxu silently read He Zhishu's name. In their home, Jiang Wenxu finally burst into tears. Everything was so familiar, but everything was so strange.The tears that had been suppressed for a few days burst like a bank and could no longer be stopped.

"Little book... my brother has sand in his eyes, and you don't blow me away..."

That person is gone.

The cold wind raged against the city of Beijing, and none of the lights of thousands of houses was lit for him.

On the other side of the earth, the sun shines on the jewel-like sea surface, and the sea water is brought to the beach by the breeze. The shallow edges float irregularly with the wind, like the skirt of a young girl.

He Zhishu was carrying flip flops, and stepped barefoot on the fine sand soaked in sea water. The edges of his light gray sweatpants were soaked in sea water, showing different shades of color.In the hot summer, with a cool breeze blowing, He Zhishu squinted his eyes and looked comfortably into the distance.There were not many people swimming in the afternoon. Most people chose to sunbathe on the beach, but there were also a few people who, like his mother, fell asleep in the hotel.

A familiar figure broke into his sight.He Zhishu rubbed his eyes to confirm that he read correctly.He put on his slippers, brushed his hair twice, and greeted her with a smile.

"Hello, Auntie, I'm He Zhishu, do you still remember me?" He Zhishu's tone was filled with joy and excitement that couldn't be concealed.

It was Jiang Wenxu's mother, still so beautiful and elegant, wearing a long dress and holding a bottle of wine in her hand.Seeing He Zhishu, Jiang's mother was also very excited.

"Ah?! Xiaoshu, of course Auntie remembers you! I haven't seen you for more than ten years, right? You look more and more beautiful." Jiang Ma took off her sunglasses and looked at Zhishu He in surprise. Xiaoshu He's grown up, and he's still so adorable.

"Yeah, it's been 15 years..." He Zhishu said softly, he remembers it clearly, it's been 15 years. "Auntie is here for vacation too?"

"No, Auntie actually came to Australia more than ten years ago. She came to have a rest with her lover during the holidays. Xiaoshu, how is everyone at home?"

"Everything is fine, everything is fine." It turned out that he was an immigrant, no wonder...

"What about you, our little book had good grades back then." Jiang Ma turned her head to the side, looked at the children playing on the beach, and smiled slightly. "Wen...Wen Xu, you always told me before that you will definitely become a doctor in the future, is it true?"

"Ah? He... He is quite accurate. Now he is a doctor in the Second Hospital of Hangzhou." He Zhishu was distracted, he was thinking about Jiang Wenxu.

He Zhishu remembered that afternoon when Jiang Wenxu asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He Zhishu said he wanted to be a doctor. Jiang Wenxu suddenly looked heavy and his eyes were red.He was really sad.

——Jiang... Brother Jiang, what's wrong with you?

——Nothing, it will definitely come true, you will definitely be an excellent doctor...

"How wonderful, Xiaoshu became a doctor. Back then, my aunt thought that you would have great promise in the future." Jiang Ma patted He Zhishu's arm, and there was some other emotion in her loving eyes.

"How wonderful..." Jiang Ma repeated again, her voice low.

"Where's Jiang Wenxu?" He Zhishu had been deliberating for a long time, and finally dared to inquire about Jiang Wenxu's news.

is he here toowhat is he doing nowHe...is he married?

He Zhishu quietly waited for Jiang Ma's answer, not daring to blink his eyes, he was actually very nervous, he was afraid of hearing an answer that would disappoint him.

Jiang Ma didn't answer him immediately, she avoided He Zhishu's gaze, the corners of her mouth moved, and she didn't speak.Then she turned, facing the sea, and slowly lowered her eyes.

"Wen Xu..." Jiang Ma touched the necklace under the cloth, and there was a ring hanging from the thin chain.

little book...

He Zhishu.

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