grandfather's daughter-in-law

Chapter 61

People's memory begins when they are two to six years old, but they are forgotten all the time, and most of the memories of childhood are short-lived and will be forgotten soon.I remember when I was about three years old, on the road across the river that bypassed the village, I sat and waited for my father to come home.A man came up to talk to me, he was wearing a clean white shirt, he had a pair of very slender hands.What exactly was said, has long been completely forgotten.Later, the memory became a blurred silhouette, and I only remembered a piece of clean white mixed with red, yellow, and yellow light and shadow.Therefore, I am particularly sensitive to slender fingers, and I am easy to have a good impression, as if being touched by such hands will be extremely gentle and happy.Yu Minxiu has such hands.This is probably a childhood memory.

When Ding Xi grows up a few years later, her memory of me will only be a blurred silhouette.I say it's a trance, because we don't have anything particularly memorable, and I don't have anything special about it.She would hear intermittently from other people that her mother was a Gezai opera actress. She was small, thin, and didn't like to laugh, except that she was rarely seen laughing on and off the stage, and she was not ugly. (So ​​she does not obey women's morals).Whether it is rumors or the world, people are always more likely to believe that a woman is divorced because she is not a woman.She would also hear from some old Gezai theater fans (if the troupe was still there at that time) that there were a few plays that were a hit, and they were considered my famous works.She might resent and look forward to something at the same time, rummaging through a lot of old newspapers to find that small and pitiful entertainment section, and in that small and pitiful entertainment section, she found the even smaller Gezai Opera Tomorrow Star reports.Shizuo Jinghyun might help her.Besides, she has no other way to see my face intuitively, because even the most important event in life, marriage, I didn't take a photo or two as a souvenir.Time is merciless.The past is still vivid in my memory, as if it was just yesterday, everyone in the troupe smiled and congratulated me on my new marriage, Yu Minxiu shook my hand and said that I was very happy that I became her sister-in-law.At that time, I still wanted to grow old with her wholeheartedly, even if it was just a loving couple on stage.But in a blink of an eye, our daughters have all grown up.

Ding Xi seemed to feel that I was going to leave, she became crying a lot, didn't like to eat, the wig she was wearing was messed up by her, and Jing Nan coaxing her didn't work anymore.She turned a deaf ear to Ding Jianye's order and questioning, and if Ding Jianye was so angry that he spanked her, she would even cry out loudly.The house was full of smog.She seemed to be protesting my departure in her own way, accusing me of cruelty, allowing me to see with my own eyes the genetic disease called tragedy that I inflicted on her.Her constant crying will annoy Ding Jianye, he still has two children (although I didn't see it with my own eyes), he will not treat her so patiently and carefully, she lost her mother and also lost her father like.She is not yet four years old, much younger than me back then.But I'm very lucky, she is not yet four years old, when she grows up, she will not remember me, nor will she remember the pain of losing me.From the beginning to the end, I owed her, but Yu Minxiu will make up for my debt.She would hold her tenderly, coax her, and love her like a mother.Jingnan Jingxian is very good. They are already seven years old. After this summer, they will be promoted to the second grade of elementary school. They have reached the age enough to remember their lives for a long time.I don't know if Wang Yugui heard about the quarrel that night, and Yu Minxiu never mentioned it.All in all, she didn't say a word.

In September 50, on Ding Xi's fourth birthday, I finally signed a divorce agreement with Ding Jianye.In that narrow street office, there were two chairs and two pens. After the woman symbolically persuaded us to think carefully, the agreement was reached with the pens, just as light as signing a marriage contract.A red book and a green book are a woman's life.Walk out the door and part ways with Ding Jianye.I was wandering aimlessly along the street as usual, when I saw a ragged beggar in front of a video store, I gave him [-] yuan.At the entrance of an old small grocery store, she helped the owner put away the candies that were accidentally knocked over by passers-by. She said a few words to me.There is a long row of acacia trees along the way, the flowers have all fallen, and they bear small fruits, some of which fell to the ground, forming spots of stains.The sun is beautiful and warm on the body.I bought a strawberry cake at the bakery and returned home.

Ding Xi's birthday party and my farewell party are rare grand occasions in Ding's family, so it's a good get-together.Yu Minxiu is in charge of the cooking, and I will help.When she skillfully cut the beef, lighted the fire, and put it on the pot, I thought of the year when she first joined the theater troupe.At that time, she was still an urban girl in Taipei who didn't understand anything. Although Ding Jianguo's business failed and she had a hard life of not having enough food, she never lived a primitive life of lighting a fire and cooking.As soon as she arrived at the troupe, she vowed that she would bear everyone's food.At that time, Wang Yugui devoted herself wholeheartedly to Ding Yongchang's critical illness, and agreed to her without much consideration, but everyone almost rehearsed hungry on the first day.She was completely stunned when she saw the dark stove, a pot that was a full meter wide, a shovel that was half a meter long, and a rice vat that was more than half a person's height.She told me in a daze that this kind of thing can only be seen in ancient costume movies, and she didn't know that there were people who could make fire and cook in the Republic of China.In the end, it was the ingenious woman in the class who cleaned up the mess, but she was unwilling to admit defeat and couldn't completely ignore it, so that the whole face was like a cat, leaving only a pair of sparkling eyes.After being laughed at by me, he became angry from embarrassment, chasing me and insisted on making my face dirty before giving up.At that time, the sky was always very blue, and the days were always brisk, and you could feel the wind when you raised your head, and the wind carried a strong fragrance of flowers.It has been nearly 12 years since she returned to the opera troupe in 14.It has been 14 years since she changed from an urban girl in Taipei who didn't understand anything to an old Cha who lived and acted.These [-] years are the best time in a woman's life.I vaguely remember the first time I saw her, she was wearing a blue dress, stiletto sandals, and long wavy curly hair. That one glance changed my whole life.With just that one look, I drowned in those eyes and could never wake up again.

"How time flies, we have known No. 15 years in a blink of an eye." I said.

She turned her back to me, paused her hands, and answered after a while, "Really? I didn't expect it to be so long."

"Yes, I saw you for the first time in the midsummer of [-], and now it is late autumn of [-]."

silence.She skillfully stir-fried the bitter gourd beef in the pot.

"I still remember that summer was not the same as before. Although it was still hot and sultry, and the insects outside the house were still screaming, but some things were really different. I still remember that I was lying on the bed On the small plank bed, I felt that even the stars in the sky became more brilliant, every heartbeat became stronger and more powerful, and even my breath smelled like flowers. At that time, I knew that in my life, apart from loving you, I probably have nothing but love. I can't do it well. But in the end, I realized that I can't even love you well. "

Still silent.The beef in the pot gave off a burnt smell.I reminded her, and she flipped twice, looking so absent-minded.

"I never thought of disturbing you, so you don't have to be nervous or worry. I have already planned to leave here, but for so many years, I have hidden so many things in my heart, and I always feel panicked. Before I leave, I want to say everything Just come out. It’s just so irresistible.” My voice choked up, “I think, if letting go is the last thing I can do for you, I will definitely do it for you.”

She listened quietly, but the quieter she was, the less I could say anything.After a long time, she casually stir-fried the bitter gourd beef again. With the rustling sound of the spatula, her voice came over.

"where do you want to go?"

That's the question I'm asking myself too.I am 31 years old and I have been away from my mother for 16 years.My mother probably can't remember that she ever had such a child.The love I've followed all my life, the one I thought I belonged to, shut me out.The world is so big, it seems that there is no place for me alone.I shrugged, this is more or less a bit bleak.

"I don't know, maybe just walk around casually. The world is so big, there will always be a place to stay."

There was another long silence.She used a plate to pack the bitter gourd beef, but it was burnt due to repeated stop-frying. She looked at it, went to the corner of the room, and poured it into the bucket of boiling water.

"If you really have nowhere to go, just stay." She said softly.

"What I mean is, the troupe needs you. If you leave, there will be no one to play Xiaodan. You know, those second- and third-tier Xiaodans below are still lacking in popularity. If you leave, the troupe may suffer a lot. Influence. Qiu Ju, you know that she is pregnant and cannot take your place. And Shi Lan, you know, she is in love with a doctor and may become a doctor’s wife. There are no outstanding ones. Even if there is a good seedling, it will take several years of training to be able to stand alone. Therefore, the troupe really needs you."

She seemed to suddenly open the chatter box and chattered endlessly.When she finally stopped, I asked, "What about you?"

"what?"

"The troupe needs me, so do you need me?"

Those misty, shining almond eyes are dazed, confused, flickering, and evasive.She lowered her head.

Finally she said, "Let's eat first."

After all, I did not wait for a definite word.If it was before, I would definitely think that this is the answer in the affirmative. As long as she is willing to take a small step, or even a little bit of inclination towards me, even if I walk a hundred steps or a thousand steps on my knees, I will still walk on my knees. finished.But now, looking at myself covered in bruises and my festered knees, I can no longer take a single step.

After dinner, Ding Jianye went out on the pretext of buying cigarettes, probably deliberately making time for our mother and daughter to be alone for the last time.Ding Xi nestled quietly in my arms, and "Bao Qingtian" was broadcast in prime time.There is a Bao Qingtian in Kaifeng, who distinguishes traitors and loyalists without selfishness, heroes from the rivers and lakes come to help, and Wang Chao Mahan is by his side.When Chen Shimei pretended to instruct Qin Xianglian to take Qin Xianglian back to the son-in-law's mansion, and threatened Qin Xianglian to sign a divorce letter with the lives of the two children, Ding Xi cried along with the two children.In her cognition of only four years old, all things are alive, and all people have the same emotions.She once accidentally kicked the leg of the table, but instead of squatting down to check whether she was injured, she asked the table if it was injured, and sincerely apologized to the table.This child who is as pure as a piece of paper and kind as a Buddha, she did not blame the table for blocking her way, nor blamed the table for kicking her feet, on the contrary, she cared about the thing that hurt her with compassion.As the old saying goes, three years old is old, and eight years old is old. I think that when she grows up, she will not complain and give up on herself. This is probably my greatest blessing.

I coaxed her, and then the phone rang unexpectedly.Yu Minxiu went to answer the call. After the calm, it was her suppressed but still trembling voice.

"Something happened, I have to deal with it. Ah Feng, come with me. Mother, look at Jingnan and Jingxian. We may come back very late tonight." She arranged everything quickly.

"What happened?" Wang Yugui asked.

"A little thing."

But we all know that this will definitely not be a trivial matter. From her nervous expression and repeated urging, it can only be a very important matter.She followed me into the room, and then whispered beside me that something had happened to Ding Jianye, the situation was not objective, and told me to bring Ding Xi with me.The autumn night is cool and quiet, and the whistling wind seems to be responding to the unusual story of this night.