grandfather's daughter-in-law

Chapter 62

What exactly is death?

I have been thinking about this question since Wang Yugui cried bitterly while hugging Ding Yongchang.There is a long flood and a long river of time. As a creature that can only survive for more than a hundred years, it is really a drop in the ocean.Everyone follows this shameful flow of time from birth to death, and in the end, a rotten body will be left behind.No matter how noble or humble the owner of this body was in life, no matter how admired or abandoned by others, after death, it will still be just a body, and it will still grow maggots, it will be completely unrecognizable, and it will also become an empty skeleton.This is loss, but also existence.So death is both loss and existence.Perhaps the greatest happiness of death lies in being ignorant of the pain of the world. Whether it is respect or shame, even if the body is finally dragged by someone and hit the threshold, even if the lower body is incontinent and lying in a pile of filth. It doesn't matter, and even because of the compassion aroused by people looking on, death is more emotional and noble, and thus dignified.Anyway, the dignity of death is left for others to see, and has never had anything to do with oneself.

Lin Jiaxi was crying like a tearful person, her eyes were swollen like peaches, and the girl who was about Ding Xi's age was beside her.She was waiting for us at the hospital gate, and started chattering as soon as she saw us.

"They said he had a broken rib. They said they needed an operation right away. They said they needed a signature from the family. They wouldn't let me in. They've been in it for a long time. I had absolutely no idea what to do."

As she spoke, she began to cry again.Her little daughter awkwardly wiped her tears.Yu Minxiu comforted her.She kept saying that it was all right, as if she was continuously injecting courage and faith into that body.Ding Xi was completely dumbfounded, her big eyes were only fixed on the two identical wood carvings in the little daughter's arms.It is a toy that connects a little girl and a small house with a thin wooden board, and the middle part is connected by a chain.Twist the chain and it will play sweet music.

"My father said he would give me a wooden sculpture as a birthday present." She seemed to be talking to herself and to the little girl.The little girl subconsciously hid the wood carving in her hand behind her back to protect it.Ding Xi was hurt by this small action.She raised her head proudly, even though she never owned it, she pretended to be confident, "Bigger, better, and more beautiful than yours."

The little girl hid behind Lin Jiaxi, she seemed in no mood to deal with Ding Xi's jealousy.No one spoke.Standing in the corner was a rebellious Cha Fulang, in his early twenties, walking around restlessly.Then, the lights in the operating room went out, and the doctors came out one after another.A doctor apologized and said they had done their best, but it arrived too late.His lung had been punctured by a broken rib and he had nearly stopped breathing.He also had several broken ribs.In short, it is hopeless.Lin Jiaxi's mournful cry resounded through the entire aisle at once, cadenced, like Kudan in a Gezai opera.Yu Minxiu hugged her.Ding Jianye lay on the bed covered with a white sheet and pushed between us.The doctor pushed past us and left too, expressionless.I think most doctors are wearing the coat of saving lives and healing the wounded, hiding a cold and heartless heart.He said he wanted family members to sign.I followed subconsciously.I had completely forgotten that during the day, in that tiny room, we had signed the divorce papers.I signed my name in three strokes and two strokes, and within two steps, I was stopped by the nurse again.It was a small nurse, standing on tiptoes at the back of the nurse's station, protruding slightly.

"Which of you is the family member of the deceased? Why are the two names different?"

She handed me two pieces of paper, a critical illness notice signed by Lin Jiaxi, and a death notice signed by me just now.I faltered for a while, and just faltered "I...", the nurse thought I was talking about me as Ding Jianye's family member, and asked, "Then who is this Lin Jiaxi? How can someone who is not a family member sign a critical illness notice?" Where is the letter? This is to hold her accountable. Where is she?" As he spoke, he snatched the notice from my hand, clicked his tongue impatiently, and was about to walk out of the nurse's station.

I hurriedly stopped her, "She is the family member of the deceased, I signed the wrong sign." I couldn't find a more reasonable reason.

"I signed it wrong?" She raised her eyebrows and looked at me, and blamed me impatiently, "What's the matter with you? You are full, how can you sign the wrong sign? Can you sign it casually?" After complaining, he crossed out the words on the death notice and ordered: "Call the family members of the deceased to sign!"

I can only walk back in disgrace.Yu Minxiu had already helped Lin Jiaxi, who was crying into a ball, and walked over.The two children followed closely behind.They had forgotten each other's jealousy and unhappiness, and formed an alliance in a painful environment, although the little girl still tightly protected the two identical wooden carvings.

"They said they wanted family members to sign."

Yu Minxiu and Lin Jiaxi raised their heads to look at me in shock, stared blankly for a while, then lowered their heads at the same time.Lin Jiaxi sniffed and walked past me.

It was very cold in the morgue, and the air-conditioning hissed outside, like stepping from summer into winter.Lin Jiaxi walked very slowly, almost trembling at every step.She slowly searched for Ding Jianye's name on the hanging tag at the head of the bed, and stopped in front of his bed.He was covered with a white sheet with blood stains on it.The contours of his body stood out clearly, but some places were distorted.He was lying among a large group of white sheets, so inconspicuous, so deserted.

Death is a compulsory course in life. There will always be people who are uniquely gifted and handle it slowly, and there will always be people who are slightly deficient so that they go in a hurry, and some people may die without even thinking about it.My hands were trembling all the time, the air was a little heavy, with a cool breath of death.Legally, his death has nothing to do with me.But I remember that one summer, we were very close to death.We hid behind heavy wooden doors, yet felt completely exposed.He held my hand and once gave me something called security.In later years, he once wanted to love me well, but I failed him.Just for this kindness, I think I should send him one last ride.

Lin Jiaxi tremblingly lifted the white sheet that covered him, only reaching to his neck.His right eye socket was torn.There is an abrasion on the right cheekbone.There was a cut on his forehead and some blood was stuck in his hair.Other than that, he was still the same as before, but his face turned dark blue.She didn't push it down again.I can't imagine the scene of broken ribs piercing the lungs. I dare not look at it like the frame of a building collapsed to expose the fragments of reinforced concrete.One of his feet was exposed, and his separated five toes stood stiff, like fingers frozen by something.

Lin Jiaxi's voice gradually changed from a soft swallowing sound to a suppressed tearing sound, and then to a melodious cry, with some curses muttering to herself, just like Kudan in Gezai Opera with libretto.I suddenly thought inappropriately that she would sing Kudan as well as her Xiaodan.I guess she might rush up like those rambunctious women, grab the man's arm and shake it again and again, clamoring for her husband, crying that he is not as good as a pig or dog, causing her to lose the support of life, and The child should be slumped on the floor with disheveled hair to win everyone's sympathy.That stupefied Cha Fulang, who is still young, can only use rebellion and pretending to be strong to disguise his courage, and can win sympathy and money through tears.But she didn't do that.Probably not because she is kind or reserved, she just has no position.

I walked calmly to the door.Yu Minxiu hugged Ding Xi and looked at me, but just looked at me quietly.Ding Xi fell asleep on her shoulder.She still doesn't understand death, she doesn't understand that some losses will never be encountered again in a lifetime, and she even has a vague concept of her father, just like she once said sorry to the table, she even thought that everyone's father was named Ding Jianye.The little girl stood beside Yu Minxiu - Lin Jiaxi didn't let her follow her.

The way home seems to be very long, the street lights are flickering, making the figures of Yu Minxiu and me slender and slender, just like when we walked side by side outside the village to pick wormwood many years ago, only with more shoulders A head, a little weight.The new wind picked up, and the night became colder.If it is the usual, if it is put on anyone, I am afraid that no woman can calmly talk about her husband's extramarital affairs, and I am afraid that no woman can calmly listen to another woman talking about her brother's extramarital affairs. Too many people were involved in the affair, and we were all involved, even the culprit, and had just experienced a baptism of death, so Yu Minxiu calmly listened to my story about Lin Jiaxi.Under the cover of the flickering night, I exposed my heart as an outsider, told my story in the tone of an outsider, and I was in the right and wrong, as if through the death of Ding Jianye, my Love finally sees light.

"Sometimes I think about it, people may be the most vulnerable creatures in the world. A small cold or a careless crossing the road may kill us at any time. In the face of death, we may discover our past persistence, greed, Reluctantness, sexual intercourse, and even pain all seem so ridiculous and insignificant in the face of death."

Maybe I'm about to leave, or maybe I'm facing death naked.In the past three years, we have met each other every day, but we have never spoken so intimately.

"When I was in Hualien, I was looking for you in a pile of ruins. The dust kept falling on my face, the sky was so dark, I couldn't see anything, but I knew I had to find you. I was so scared, I was so scared That way we will be separated from you forever. I haven’t said anything to you yet, I haven’t seen enough of you, I’m afraid I won’t remember your face, I’m afraid I won’t know where to find you in my next life.”

Ding Xi was sleeping peacefully on my shoulder, standing between Yu Minxiu and me.I had no intention of turning her over the other shoulder.Maybe without her barrier, I don't have the courage to say so many words.I glanced at Yu Minxiu from the corner of my eye, but she didn't look at me.She lowered her head and looked at the road ahead.The light shone on her face, flickering on and off.I went on.

"Fortunately, you came back to me later. At that time, I thought you understood. Unfortunately, the pace of fate was too fast. I didn't have time to say anything. Jingnan Jingxian came. Later, when you gave birth to them, I was in Waiting outside the door of the emergency room all night. It was the longest time I have ever spent in my life. I counted the ticks of the clock, the cracks in the floor, and the dead flies on the windowsill. I searched for everything that could divert Attention thing, actually I can't see anything clearly, my eyes are all red. At that time I was afraid that you would never come out again, I was afraid that they would tell me that I did my best, and I didn't even dare to cry , but I still shed a lot of tears."

I am talking to myself.The surroundings are quiet and quiet, except for the occasional tree branch that steps on the road and makes a sound of breaking.Two vague shadows on the road were moving forward calmly, getting closer and closer to the door of the house, and I couldn't help laughing at myself.What are you still praying for?What to expect?Finally I calmly concluded, "But that was a long time ago."

As soon as the words fell, my whole body fell into the thin arms.Ding Xi was harassed and grunted softly.The night was extremely quiet, and my tears fell without warning.My heart was filled with sorrow, it was sorrow, not happiness, like the sorrow accumulated in my bones all at once attacked my eye sockets, and the pain spread all over my limbs and bones.This signal of happiness, like a snake attached to the bone, quickly swam through my whole body.I didn't know what this hug meant, and I didn't dare to ask, for I was afraid that if I asked, the illusion of happiness would be dissipated and extinguished.The temperature of her body was transferred to me through the gap between Ding Xi, blocking a little cold wind.She just hugged me without saying a word.I was just held by her, with tears streaming down my face.