Black Powder Monologue Diary

Chapter 60 59 Diary 2

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diary trivia

2021. 3, 28

I still re-wrote the diary.

Dr. Chen said that keeping a diary was good for my illness, but I didn't feel any improvement.I just feel tormented, and writing these words makes me restless. In fact, I wrote here, just a few dozen words, and it took a whole hour.

The reason why I feel extremely tormented is that I clearly realized that I broke up with Ji Shanye.

Today is the first day I broke up with Ji Shanye.

I am an unpardonable sinner.

2021. 3, 29

I forced myself to sit down and write in my journal again.

Nothing to record.If so, I can only say that today I fainted again in the laboratory, and Meng Tianhe sent me to the hospital, saying that he would put me in the hospital, and would not let me go back until a detailed examination was completed.

I didn't listen to him because I knew my body wasn't sick, I was just mentally sick.

I just fainted in the lab without warning last night after crying too long and lack of sleep.

But these, I can't tell others.

They don't know I broke up.No, they don't even know who I've been in a relationship with.

2021. 3, 30

I stared at my phone for a long time today.

I stared at the dialog box with Ji Shanye in a daze, and the note I gave him on WeChat was A, so he would be the first one I contacted on my mobile phone.He once asked what the note meant, but I didn't tell him.

I don't know if he blocked me.He should hate a ruthless person like me very much. Since that day, we haven't been in touch again, and we haven't gone back to Ji Shanye's house in city B.

There are still a lot of things I use in that house, I hesitate to move them out, but I am afraid to see Ji Shanye, I don't know how to face him.I dare not go back to that house again, because there are too many traces of my life with him.

I dare not face everything about Ji Shanye again.

So, don't go there.I'll just buy what I need.

2021. 3, 31

a bit tired.I don't want to keep a diary, I hate keeping a diary.

I'm so tired of having to think about the past every day, I dare not think about Ji Shanye, Ji Shanye must hate me to death.He must wish for me to die, he must want me to die sooner!

He sure hates me!Hate me so much!Why did I stay with him in the first place and bring him so much trouble, if he didn't associate with someone like me, he wouldn't have any troubles at all.

He should be with a good-looking, kind, smiling, patient, sane person.Even if he's gay, he wants to be with the best people in the world.

Not me, not me.

What would happen if Ji Shanye knew that I was dead? Would he feel a little bit sad? I just want a little bit of sadness.Then a little bit of sadness is enough.

I'm sorry for him!Why don't I die!It's over when I die!

Why don't I die!why not?Let it all end, okay?

I really miss my mother, and I really miss Ji Shanye.

I really miss them.

I want to see my mom, why she never shows up, I really miss her.