twin stars

Chapter 69

Lei Yi

Gurung is dead!

I didn't expect that after sending away Ah Sheng two years ago, another friend would be sent away so soon!The plot of Gu Long's death was twists and turns, even absurd.During a banquet, he had a dispute with people on the rivers and lakes, was stabbed and lost a lot of blood.When he was sent to the hospital, because the blood bank was short of blood, the hospital went to the roadside to buy blood, but he was transfused with hepatitis blood.In this way, he got liver disease in a daze. The doctor told him not to drink strong alcohol in the future, but he was a person who drank alcohol like water. He didn’t know how to restrain himself, and he still drank it. , Alcoholism and died young.

When he was a child, his family was not happy, and his parents often quarreled.When he was a teenager, his parents officially divorced, and no one cared about him anymore.He was wandering and helpless, relying on friends and part-time jobs to survive. Like me, he had no sense of belonging to "home" and no sense of security. He was a lonely prodigal wandering in the market.

He drinks so much that he doesn't even care about his own life.But he said: A person who is addicted to wine must have his sadness, and a sad person must be a passionate person.

That's right, if it wasn't for Yushan to stop me and control me, if it wasn't for taking care of raising a family, maybe I would be like Gu Long, with wine all day long.Can alcohol relieve anxiety?cannot!When you drink alcohol, you feel even more sad, and when you wake up, you are even more lonely, but after drinking and getting drunk, you can at least steal half a day's rest and stop thinking about that person.I hate myself why I can't get him out of my heart, why I hate myself for being so passionate!

I envy Gu Long and his good friend Xu Shaoqiang.They can all let go of the family, not be bound by the family, and be alone. They don't need to care whether they live or die, and they don't need to live for others.But I can't, I can't.I am neither a ranger nor a prodigal any more!

At Gu Long's funeral, Huang Yu bought 48 bottles of XO for him to be buried with him, but someone raised the fear of being robbed, so a group of friends opened a bottle next to his coffin to see him off.When he was alive, he was a legend; when he was dead, he was full of allure, and his title of "a master of martial arts novels of a generation" was not in vain.It's just that I can no longer read his novels.Not only because Ajie has played too many characters in Gu Long's novels, he is like a character who has stepped out of Gu Long's novels, but also because most of the protagonists in Gu Long's novels are too lonely, trapped in their own world, full of pain, not To be understood, it is difficult to break free.Gu Long said: I got everything with a pen, even what I shouldn't have, this is loneliness...

Now, in this world, I have one less confidant.

I wrote a script called "Silent Love", a tragedy about a deaf-mute, and submitted it to Mecca, one of the bosses of Xinyicheng, for review.He has a keen grasp of the market, and the themes of the company's movies are all decided by him.He originally agreed to shoot, but after considering the market effect and box office, he refused again, so I had no choice but to continue to direct comedy films at Xinyicheng.

I wanted to talk to Ah Tian about the way out of my script, so I came outside his office.The door was not closed tightly, and the conversation between him and Huang Boming, another founding boss of Xinyicheng, came from the room.

"I really want to ask Brother Jie to join Xinyicheng. When I was in Zhao's company, he and Xiao Yi helped me a lot. They often helped me get opportunities to play roles and get some salary to subsidize my family. He is very important to Zhao's company. He has always been loyal and gave up a lot of opportunities to make money, but now Zhao's company dismissed him with a letter of dismissal, I really don't deserve him!" Ah Tim sighed.

"Well, I also admire him very much, and I really want to make a movie with him. You go and ask him to come!" Huang Boming urged repeatedly.

"Oh, I think so too. But it's not like you don't know about his entanglement with Xiaoyi. With Xiaoyi here, why did Brother Jie come to Xinyicheng? Both are important friends of mine, and both of them are kind to me. , I want to help, what a dilemma!"

"I really don't understand. It's been more than ten years since they broke up. They used to be so good, and they didn't have any deep hatred. How come they are still so stubborn?"

"It's hard to say, it's hard to say! My friends want to make them reconcile, but it's a pity..."

I didn't listen any more, turned around and walked away, wandering in the winding corridor.Thinking about not having a chance to shoot my own script, maybe, it's time to go elsewhere...

I heard that Mr. Cen, the "helmsman" of the newly established "DePauw" company, is a cultural person, and he likes to support unpopular literary films. I showed him my script with the mentality of trying, and he really liked it. , will soon decide to support.Not only me, Xiao Er wanted to direct a mentally ill film "Bian Lao" after he came out of Zhao's company, and he also got the support of Mr. Cen.I have an aboveboard reason to leave Xinyicheng.

The filming started. In order to control the cost, the male and female protagonists I used were all newcomers, who had never made a movie before, and at most they had played tricks in TV dramas.They are all hardworking and cherish this opportunity to shoot.But after the filming, they all said that I was too serious on the set and they were afraid of me.I have no intention of putting on airs in front of the juniors, but this movie touches too many memories for me, and I can't be happy.

The heroine of the movie is a short dumb girl who likes to dress up like a boy.She wandered the streets with several deaf-mute children, earning a living by being a thief until she met the leading actor.The hero is an upright young man who took the crime for his friend and spent eight years in prison, out of touch with the times. After he was released from prison, he met the heroine who was a thief.

The hero saves the heroine from a group of hooligans, and the heroine helps the hero find a place to stay, buy clothes and tie scarves for him, so that he no longer wears red shirts, white flared trousers, or dresses up as a ten-year-old in the aviation city. The style of dressing a few years ago is no longer the same as what I asked Ajie to wear when I filmed "Sucking/Drug" 13 years ago.

The male protagonist was betrayed and betrayed by his former friends, and the female protagonist "sang" to him in sign language in order to cheer him up: "It's so much fun to have you by my side, I'm so happy with you; the earth is dark and the sky is collapsing, it's nostalgic , even if there are ups and downs, as long as I see you... You seem to be the sunshine and air, because of you, you are beautiful, and because of you, you are willing to do stupid things for you; You are so fun to be around, if you lose you one day, the flowers will not be beautiful. I would like to live on a deserted island for a long time, to be a fake you, to face each other every day, and to play with wooden dolls..."

The heroine fell in love with the hero, and even began to dress up for the hero.But she is a mute, unable to say what is in her heart, she can only watch the male protagonist make a girlfriend and live together with others.The hero wants to take his girlfriend to start a new business, and asks the heroine if she wants to start a business with him.But he already had someone else by his side, so how could the heroine agree?

The hero left, and the heroine continued to be a thief with several deaf-mute children.The old hooligans came to make trouble again. In a critical moment, the hero came back to help the heroine subdue the gang of hooligans.But at this time, a woman in black who was also dressed as a boy in the hooligan gang stabbed the hero to death.The sad and angry heroine slammed the head of the woman in black with a shovel, causing her death.At the end of the film, the heroine was convicted of manslaughter and sent to prison.

One is the light me and the other is the dark me.The bright me has always liked Ajie secretly, but I can't express my heart; the dark me "stabbed" Ajie to death, made him disappear from my life, and never wanted to see me again.The bright me "killed" the dark me, and I sat in the cell, I don't know how long I will sit...

After the film was released, the word of mouth was very good, and the actor who played the heroine was also shortlisted for the best actress in the Asian Film Festival, but the box office was not satisfactory, which is basically predictable.Maybe the ending is not so hopeless and the box office will be better?But do I still have hope?I underestimated Ajie's firm willpower, and overestimated my position in his heart.

"When the love is exhausted, turn ruthless", is it so ruthless because the love is exhausted?

Feng Xiangjie

Being terminated by the Zhao family, I searched for a way out like a chicken without a head, but I never found Xin Yicheng because Xiao Yi was there.I went to Ma Wuge, who is a director in Daishima, and hoped that he could help me find opportunities to make movies.

"Ajie, don't worry. If you take a movie casually, the response to the movie will be bad, which will affect your reputation. Xiaoyi is a lesson from the past."

As soon as someone mentioned Xiaoyi, I couldn't listen to anything.I want to know about him, but I am afraid of knowing about him. The two voices are arguing in my heart, which disturbs my mind.

"You helped me a lot back then, and I would naturally help you as much as I could. It's just that helping others is different from asking for help. If you ask for help everywhere, you will only degrade yourself more and more. I really want to help you, but sometimes I really want to help you." I can't do what I want."

At that time, I couldn't understand the sadness behind Ma Wuge's words.Since my debut, although there have been troughs and ups and downs in the middle, but I have been accompanied by Xiao Yi and Director Zhang, and my career has been steadily rising.Although I left them later, I was lucky enough to meet great directors like Li Dao and Chu Dao, and I was helped by noble people again, which made me popular again for many years.It can be said that I have never left the halo and shadow of Zhao's company, so I don't really understand the difficulties and moods of those who left Zhao's company early to fight alone and work independently.After experiencing a lot, I gradually understood.

In fact, it’s not that I didn’t think that I would fall from the peak. Even when I first entered the industry, I planned to quit the film and television industry at the age of 35 and become an ordinary person.It's just that when I lost Xiaoyi, fortunately, I had a career that could be my spiritual support and give me goals and direction. Otherwise, I'm afraid I would have lost myself.And now, with no job and the danger of being lost, I was desperate to find my way out.Brother Ma Wu eventually introduced me to a few films, but as he said, the films did not receive a good response, which would only aggravate the impression that I was already "passed".

I hope I can be busy, I hope I don't have free time to miss Xiaoyi.Idleness is the equivalent of slow suicide for me.When I was extremely depressed, Ah Tim brought Ah Sen and the upstart Xu Ke, the director of Xin Yicheng, to find me for dinner.During the chat, they told me that the frustrated Asen cooperated with Xu Ke, who he had helped, and wanted me to take part in the filming of a gangster action movie "True Color Hero" they carefully wrote, and secretly revealed that Xiao Yi had gone to "Germany" Fort" became the director and left Xin Yicheng.

The care of my friends warmed my heart, and I agreed to join Xinyicheng.

"True Hero" tells the story of a former gangster, Brother Sheng, who was betrayed by his subordinates and sent to jail.After being released from prison, in order to become the younger brother of the policeman, Lian, he is ready to change his mind, abandon the dark and turn to the light, and start a new life, but the younger brother of the policeman does not trust him, and his best friend in the gang, Xiao Kai, hopes that he can regain the power and status of the gang.Brother Sheng was caught in a dilemma between his own younger brother and his good brother, but his kind heart finally made him choose the right path.

This movie is very different from the popular comedies on the market. It has bursting and shocking gun battle scenes, complex and contradictory human conflicts, and brotherly loyalty like a martial arts movie. It is a very serious drama. , may not be able to cater to the preferences of the market, so investors were not optimistic about this movie at first.Fortunately, Ah Sen recruited Zhang Guorong, a popular young singer in the Hangcheng music scene, to play Sheng Ge's younger brother A Lian, which brought popularity to the show, and the investors agreed to invest.I played Brother Sheng, and my old acquaintance Zhou Zefa played Xiao Kai.After he and Yu Yu divorced, he continued to work hard in the film industry, but unfortunately the films he made were all well-received but not well-received.The film and television industry is so realistic, with low box office revenue, no matter how famous he is, he will be regarded as "box office poison" by investors.

Ah Sen is an unsuccessful director, I am a past star, and Ah Fa is a "box office poison". Although Ah Rong is very popular, he is popular in the music world, but he is still a newcomer in the film industry, and is not favored by film critics.The main creators of this film can be said to be in a low period, so in the early stage of filming, everyone did not enter the state.

In order not to affect A Rong's singing schedule, A Rong's manager asked the director to shorten A Rong's filming days.Asen had to revise the script to greatly increase Ah Fa's role.When Ah Fa was filming, he was late several times.I scolded him severely.

"Why do you make everyone wait for you? Since you are making a movie, you must ensure professionalism. Not being late is the most basic requirement. No matter whether you value this movie or not, since you promised to make it, you must take it seriously for me with professionalism." , Otherwise, wouldn’t you feel guilty when you get paid?”

Ah Fa scratched his hair, smiled awkwardly: "Brother Jie, I knew that sooner or later I would be scolded by you!"

I asked with a straight face, "Why?" Ah Fa and A Rong, one nine years younger than me and the other ten years younger than me, are of the same generation as Xiao Er. Although they are both in their early 30s, in my eyes they are It's a child.Therefore, I unconsciously took the attitude of a parent and an elder to reprimand Ah Fa.

He lowered his head, showing apologetic and lonely expression: "I know you must be angry with me for the matter of eucalyptus! I am really sorry for her, you can scold her however you want!"

I looked at Ah Fa, a handsome young man who was taller than me. His face was fatter than when he was filming "The Wind and Cloud in Shanghai", and it turned into a round face, but the melancholy between his brows could not be concealed.Thinking of him almost committing suicide because of love, I can't help feeling sad.Long ago, if I had heard of a man committing suicide for love, I would have despised him.A good man should be broad-minded and aim everywhere, how can he die or live for the love of his children?But later, after experiencing it myself, I realized that love hurts and destroys others, and it is true!The web of love is like a cobweb, seemingly slender and easy to break, but in fact it is extremely flexible, the more you struggle, the tighter it is, until it is suffocating.Is this "overcoming rigidity with softness"?A man made of iron and steel is helpless in the face of a flexible love network!

"These are two different things!" My tone eased a lot: "A man should be responsible to a woman. You and Yu have divorced, so I can't say anything more. I just hope that she can find a good home in the future, and I also hope that you Do it yourself."

"Hmm! Hmm!" Ah Fa looked at his toes and kept nodding, like a student who has realized his mistake but is hiding something on his mind.

"A Sen put a lot of effort into this movie, and Xu Ke is willing to take risks to support the filming of Asen. We should make this movie well not for ourselves, but for our friends. So cheer up, don't you want to perform well?"

Ah Fa raised his head, his eyes filled with longing and unwillingness:

"I want to! I want to prove to others that I can do it and I'm not a 'box office poison'!"

I patted his shoulder heavily, nodded and said, "Believe in yourself! You will succeed sooner or later!"

"I want to forget her!" Ah Fa suddenly became emotional, with red eyes: "She left without looking back, and she broke up with her when she said she wanted to, how could she be so ruthless! I can no longer be decadent for her, I want to cheer up! I want her to know that I can live well and be happy without her!"

"She" means his ex-girlfriend?Ah Fa clenched his fists tightly, his chest heaving violently.He keeps saying that he wants to forget his ex-girlfriend, but if he really forgets, he won't say that at all.

I smiled bitterly and said, "At least... at least she liked you once, and you also got her heart! You are much stronger than me..."

A trace of confusion flashed across Ah Fa's face: "Brother Jie, you..."

I shook my head, chuckled lightly, suppressed the soreness in my chest, put my arm on Ah Fa's shoulder, and said, "I am also a person who has fallen into the world, and everything has been said without saying anything! Let's go, the rest time is over, and we are going to start soon." Wheat!"

Ah Fa suddenly glowed with vitality and energy, as if he wanted to prove himself to the world and declare his determination to his ex-girlfriend.He even took the initiative to ask director Asen to add plays for him, hoping to highlight the charm of the role he played.A gunfight scene in which Xiao Xie avenges Brother Sheng was filmed with passion, heroism and romance.He was wearing sunglasses and a black windbreaker, biting a toothpick in his mouth recklessly, broke into the den of thieves alone, and eliminated dozens of enemies with a few guns. .Film critics commented that this scene is Asen's inheritance and development of Zhang Dao's violent aesthetics, but Zhang Dao's "knife" has become Asen's "gun".Many years ago, a boy in white, holding a knife in one hand, covered a long bridge covered in blood, and killed all directions, and he also took revenge for me.No, he has avenged me more than once.It's just that maybe not many people can remember that boy anymore, maybe even he himself has forgotten...

As the filming progressed, our entire crew became more acquainted and the relationship became more harmonious. Everyone worked together and twisted into a rope, vowing to make the film a high-quality film.It's just that I didn't expect Ah Fa to be very naughty and liked to play tricks on me.He often threw himself into my arms suddenly, and said coquettishly like a child: "Brother Jie, did I behave well just now? I need your praise!" That made me laugh and cry, so I had no choice but to pretend: " Okay, okay, well behaved! Shall I reward you with a candy?" "I don't want candy, just one kiss is enough!" Before I could react, he kissed me on the cheek with a "slap", Then he smirked twice, put his hands behind his back, and hunched his back to look for the next target.When he became happy, he would kiss anyone he caught, even A Rong did not escape.From time to time, the entire crew had to beware of Ah Fa's unexpected "harassment", but it also added a lot of fun to everyone.

Ah Rong played my younger brother, who was very cruel to me in the movie.When Brother Sheng met for the first time after he was released from prison, he still put on the airs of a policeman to search his brother, forcing his brother to reply full of grievances: "Officer, I haven't been a big brother for a long time!" Although it was the first time filming, Ah Rong Rong's performance is already very good, and he can already vaguely see the demeanor of a superstar in the future.Like Ah Fa, he is also a talented young hero.But he was very polite in front of me, even a little shy, and he didn't show a trace of arrogance or negligence just because he was popular.He is the young master of a rich family, he has the sense of being a noble son, and he is the tenth child in the family, which reminds me of A Sheng.In addition, he played my younger brother in the movie, unconsciously, I treated him as my younger brother like I treated Ah Sheng.

"I didn't live with my parents when I was a child, and I didn't know my father well! I think being beaten by my parents is a very happy thing, but I don't even have the chance to be beaten!"

I was surprised to hear Ah Rong describe her childhood in a calm tone.He said while showing a light self-deprecating smile.

"I can't see my parents at all, and my brothers and sisters are much older than me, so no one can play with me. When I was young, I was very lonely and didn't like to make noise. Anyone who came to my house would not find my existence. I am A flimsy feather that no one cares about!"

My heart tightened, Ah Rong's childhood...why is it so similar to Xiao Yi...

"I used to like a girl." A Rong looked ahead, with a strange light in his eyes, as if seeing the good old days through time and space: "She is a very magical girl, with a carefree personality, without the reserve of ordinary girls She is strong and straightforward, has a clear distinction between likes and hates, and is also very lively, and can make all kinds of weird expressions: squinting, grinning, frowning, sharpening, laughing wildly... It can be said to be wonderful! She is ambitious, She is very motivated, as if she has infinite vitality. Her body... seems to radiate sunshine, illuminating my heart."

There seems to be a bronze bell in my heart that was struck, and it made a long and long sound: A long time ago, there was also a wonderful young man who illuminated my heart!

"I proposed to her very soon, but she was only 17 years old and I was only 21 years old at the time. She was scared away by my proposal!" A Rong smiled, as if laughing at her youthful and frivolous, but there was also a hint of Loneliness: "If she had agreed to my marriage proposal, maybe my life would have changed completely!"

"Now, I like someone..."

A Rong deliberately turned his head and looked at me meaningfully, which surprised me a little.

"He's a man!"

I am completely dumbfounded.

"He is an outsider. We met a few years ago, when I was down and out, and borrowed money from him. He lent me all my salary for several months, and then ate box lunches for several months without telling me. He Careful, gentle, and responsible, he has paid a lot for me. I think he is a gift from God to me. Since others don’t want to be my sunshine, then I will be his sunshine!”

A Rong's gaze was firm and gentle.I never thought that a person could use such an ordinary tone to express the feelings that ordinary people cannot understand and cannot be exposed to the sun!

"You, like me... also love someone of the same sex, right? It's... Lei Yi, right?"

he asked in a gentle, encouraging tone.

My whole body was shaking.For a long time, I thought that I could only hide my feelings for Xiaoyi desperately, and never thought that I could tell others.

"Eyes can't hide love. I can feel your pain." A Rong frowned, with a hint of pity and sympathy in his eyes: "I choose to be with the one I love, even if I will be with you in the future. Faced with a lot of pressure. One day, I hope to be able to go shopping with him openly and aboveboard. I don’t think there is anything shameful about me. "Love" does not distinguish between high and low, so why should it be gendered? I think a person's conduct, personality, He won’t become inferior just because he loves the same sex. Poor character, no matter whether he is heterosexual or homosexual, scum or scum. Similarly, if he has a high character, even if he loves the same sex, wouldn’t he be Let his character be stained? I think betrayal, cheating, lying, promiscuousness can happen to both straight and gay, but there is also a 'soft spot, unwavering'. So, the difference is not the person you love Whether it is the same sex or the opposite sex depends on the personalities of the two people who love each other."

I listened to A Rong's high-spirited talk in a daze.I didn't think about it so deeply, I just know that Xiaoyi is unique to me, and no one can replace it.I once hoped that someone could replace me, so that maybe I could forget and be relieved, but no one could replace me at all...

"Why don't you take a brave step and go after what you love?"

Facing Ah Rong's earnest gaze, I shook my head and murmured: "I'm different from you, I don't have a chance! If I had the chance... I would try my best to grab him! Unfortunately... I didn't! He He doesn't understand my mind at all, he only regards me as a brother!"

Ah Rong sighed in disappointment, "Then... can't you let him go? Why bother yourself? As a friend, I feel sorry for you."

I forced a smile: "I also want to let go, but after ten years, I still haven't. Maybe I can let go in 20 or 30 years?"

Ah Rong confessed her feelings and gave me a lot of comfort.At least, I know that I am no longer a lonely "outlier".

"Brother Jie, what are you doing?" Ah Fa patted my back hard.

I was in a daze with the newspaper, and didn't respond to Ah Fa's greeting.

He snatched the newspaper from my hand and looked.It was a news report about Xiao Yi.

The reporter interviewed Xiao Yi and asked him if he would reconcile with me. He replied: "Who said we want to reconcile? At the beginning I thought it was hard to be friends, so I took the initiative to make friends, but I found that the other party was not sincere, so I gave up. Thank you, why am I still yearning for it? I never said that I want to reconcile with others, never!"

I was devastated, as if I had been thrown into a bottomless abyss.

"Brother Jie..." Ah Fa worriedly held my shoulder and persuaded him: "Let him pass the past, you want to open it!"

Be more open?I don't even have the energy to act now, how can I still have the energy to think about it...

The author has something to say:

1986 "Speaking Unheard" "The True Colors of a Hero"