I'm not

Chapter 1

On the day I went back to school, the sky was gloomy. I started cycling from the easternmost part of the city to the westernmost part.

Although only six months had passed since the college entrance examination, the classmates who had traveled all over the country still wanted to get together, so they made an appointment on the day when they returned to high school to give a lecture on university.

I tried very hard to get to my destination quickly, but I was still late.When I went, the crowd had gradually dispersed, and the students had already been on vacation in the morning, leaving only the teachers and students of the third year of high school—after all, it was the third year of high school.

I panted and called my classmates, the crowd was chaotic and noisy, and I couldn't find them.

She comforted me very gently and told me not to worry. She stood in the middle of the road and told me to go and find her.

I did not find it.

"I saw you!" she called softly on the phone, looking very cheerful.

So I stopped, and sure enough, I saw her standing in the middle of the school road—she beckoned and hung up the phone.

I saw her standing there smiling happily, ran towards her without thinking anything, and hugged her all at once.She is a few centimeters taller than me, and I can hold her with my head on her shoulders.

It was a long hug, so long that I kind of wanted to cry.

I guess it's because my legs are so sore from pedaling, so I want to hold her all the time.

She patted me on the shoulder very lightly and asked me, "Why did you come?" I didn't know what to say, so I had to call her name.

We hugged like this, it seemed that only when I was close to her body and I patted her back with my hand, that kind of happiness mixed with grievances turned into an inexplicable sadness, I wore a scarf and exhaled The heat is like steamed tears.

But I didn't cry, and probably shouldn't cry at a time like this.

"Well." She said, "Let's go, many people from our class are here." Then she led me and walked among the mixed crowd.

In winter, the city is gray, but this school is better. At least the loquat trees are always green. Although it is also gray, it is better than nothing.

It seemed that someone had seen me and came over to say hello to me, only then did I realize that there were so many students in the class.We gathered together and formed a circle, talking nonsense, laughing and beating and scolding.

"It turns out it's almost five o'clock." It was her.

"Then how do you go back, it's not easy to go at night." I was a little worried, knowing that she didn't live in the city, I was worried and selfishly hoped that she could stay with me for a while.

"It's okay." She told me, "It's a big deal to stay for one night."

Her eyes looked at me with a smile, like ink mixed with stars.

I want to cry again.

I hate our school, the system is too old-fashioned, the punishment is too harsh, it is located in the suburbs, the birds don't shit, everything is cold, stylized, and unreasonable.

At that time, everyone was struggling and complaining in the test papers, but how can people be so good.

There is a rumor in our school that the more lush the loquat knots, the better the results of this year's college entrance examination, but there are also people who are curious about picking the fruit of the loquat. At that time, she was standing under the tree, and we watched everyone laughing and laughing like carnival. , I was leaving, I handed her a yellow fruit, she smiled and stuffed it back to me, she said, "What if I eat someone else's luck?"

She is so nice.

I want to feel sorry for her about her unhappy things.

She asked me, "How was college?"

I racked my brains to think of something fun and happy, but in the end I just said something bluntly - "It's fine"

It is very good. I came to a new environment, made some new friends, participated in several activities, and everything is going on normally, which is very good.

Occasionally, when I was in class or taking an exam, I heard the watch beeping, and I remembered the light pink watch on her left wrist, hanging on her thin wrist.I read a book in the dormitory, glimpsed the deep night outside the window, and thought of her black eyes, as gentle and black as the night.When I was studying in the library, I was tired and suddenly wanted to poke her at the front desk, but I didn't.I called her and talked for ten minutes, I thought, is it too long?She has other things to do.

What to do, I can't see her.

She said, "I miss everyone very much, and I always look forward to coming back to get together."

I swallowed the sentence "Do you miss me or not" and said, "I also miss my classmates and you very much."

She smiled happily, took my arm and said, "I miss you too."

I tried my best to hold back my tears. To be honest, I always wanted to cry when I saw her again. In the past, I always made her laugh and comforted her.

We eat together, walk hand in hand, girls always have such unscrupulous intimacy together, don't they?I thought, that's fine, we're good friends, she's fine, I'm fine, I'm not a brave person.

It was evening, and everyone left one by one. There seemed to be an unspeakable sadness, but everyone tried to ignore it.

When she left, she hugged me and said with a smile - "Let's go!"

I pulled the scarf up over my nose and let out a "huh."

I have known her for three years, and I have been in chaos for three years. I am not smart and cannot be admitted to her school. I am just her good friend.

I saw her get on the bus, and the tears she held back all night finally fell. What is the difference between these three years and three seconds?

I'm sorry for myself, I'm not, I'm not a brave person.

When I got home, I melted myself on the bed. The face of the person who was steaming in the room was red, and I felt dizzy, so I wrapped myself in a quilt and fell into a deep sleep.

It wasn't until the next morning when my mother woke me up that I felt my whole body was heavy like a rock, and my mind was very confused. I should have a fever.

I went to the pharmacy to buy medicine, went back to take it, and fell asleep again.I guess it should be because I rode the bicycle for too long last night, wore a thin coat and blew the cold wind, and wandered blindly in the street after saying goodbye to her, so this happened.

Is it because people are more vulnerable when they are sick?I couldn't help thinking of her again, and I wanted to talk to her.

just forget it.

I remember that I also had a fever in the second year of high school, but at that time when we transferred from the second year of high school to the third year of high school, the school "voluntarily" stayed us to make up lessons, and the infirmary was not open during the normal holiday. I just kept procrastinating when I went to buy medicine.

She heard that my throat was very bad, so she asked me why I didn't ask for leave to buy medicine.

"I just don't want to." I didn't say much, "I have a good resistance."

"You've been burning for two days." She seemed a little angry.

I panicked, so I went to grab her, and said jokingly, "It's okay, I'm in a hurry because the school won't be on holiday. I can't stay in this crappy school for a second."

"Why didn't you ask for leave?" Her eyes stared at me, and I was timid, knowing that she insisted on me telling a reason.

"I dare not go to the Academic Affairs Office to ask for leave. Last time, whoever was scolded went back. I didn't study well, and I was cowardly." I made up an excuse indiscriminately.

She stopped talking, I felt relieved, went to hold her hand, and prepared to go to the cafeteria with her.

A row of plums with red leaves and small pale pink flowers are planted on the side of the road past the cafeteria. The trees are full of trees, very beautiful.Every time I walk down that road, I hope that some petals will fall in her hair, so that I can help her remove the petals, which sounds very romantic.

It's a pity that we walked that road countless times, and there were no petals on her head, but once it floated on my head, she helped me take it off with a smile, and said-"Wow, what a big dandruff! "

She wasn't there for the self-study that night. I asked other people and they all said they didn't know.

At that time, I had a secret premonition, my heart was pounding, but my head hurt like hell.I couldn't read a question at all, I just wanted her to come back soon.

She didn't come back until the end of evening self-study, and quietly opened the door from the back door. I heard the sound and turned around suddenly, which startled the people in the back row.

I saw her slipping to her seat with a white plastic bag in her hand, still panting slightly.

At that time, my heart was about to jump out, and I stared at her blankly.

She stuffed a bag of medicine into my desk, "Explain that you can see for yourself—huh, luckily I got back."

I should be thankful, but my throat was probably blocked by cotton, or the sweetness and bitterness in my heart turned into a paste and stuck in my brain, so I actually asked her—"How much did you spend?"

She may have run upstairs, so she was still panting, and when she heard my question, she laughed suddenly, "Leave me after class."

This is her, she is very good, but I am still the only one who asks for leave to buy medicine for others.I can't help feeling a little complacent.

The wind in July is dry and hot, and everyone always wants to go back to the dormitory after school.She was sitting at my front desk, and when she was packing up after school, I always looked at the hamster doll on the zipper of her schoolbag, coming out of the drawer—her hand held the hamster—opened—closed, and the hamster held a Melon seeds, fluffy.

I used to think I liked that hamster doll, but then I found out that I like her.

Does this count as a crush?Others dare not speak out about their secret love, but I often say to her—"I like you the most." I said, "Wow, you are so beautiful, you are such a little fairy."

What I said was true, I looked at her eyes as gentle as the night, her lips with light color - who will be kissed in the future?Must be the best man in the world.

Otherwise, her good friend will be sad, she is so good.

If she likes him very much, I will have a good relationship with that lucky man, and I hope that I can spend some time in love with her good friends in the future.If she feels normal about him, I will try to speak ill of him in front of her, and I will be a bad person who destroys their relationship.

I think so now, but I know that if she has a boyfriend, I will only distance myself from her silently, I am afraid to see them together, I dare not.

I am not a brave person.

Even in the dream, I was sitting with her, knee to knee, her shoulder touching mine, and I asked her, "Do you like being friends with me?"

She said, "I like it."

"Then would you like to be my friend forever?"

"I am willing."

Then I was satisfied, and I lay with her on the green lawn in my dream, the grass was as soft as clouds, I held her hand, and I felt as if I could lie here with her forever.

When I woke up from the dream, I was in the dormitory, surrounded by darkness, only the sound of the clock, and she was still a thousand miles away from me.

I was very sad, this illness seemed to make me sentimental, I picked up my mobile phone and swiped Weibo for a while to divert my attention, saw her post a picture of her classmates together on the day back to high school, liked it, and posted The phone is put down.

It doesn't matter, I said to myself, at least I'm her good friend.