I'm not

Chapter 9

After graduation, there are still a lot of things to prepare for. Some people are going to settle down in this city, some people want to return to their hometown, and some people go abroad to study in graduate school.

It seems to be a fork in life, and then they go their separate ways.

This separation is positive, unknown, ambiguous but hopeful.Young people always have an inexhaustible courage, wanting to break through the world with bare hands.

Ayu and Cheng Xingjian are both locals, Cheng Xingjian has been admitted to graduate school, and Ayu is going to work in his own company-Ayu is also a standard rich second generation. Ordinary working-class people are much better off.Ayu has a cheerful personality and doesn’t have the airs of a rich person. She has always had a good relationship with me. I didn’t know her family background until I was a sophomore. She invited us to a banquet on her birthday, and I realized that she usually eats with me carelessly. The girl of Malatang grew up surrounded by rich clothes and fine food, and loved by thousands of people.

I don’t have any passion for starting a business. I made a good resume and voted for both big companies and small unknown companies. During college, many students went to take the teacher qualification certificate, and I also joined in the fun, even though I didn’t become a The plan to be an honorable person and teacher.

I went to a lot of various interviews, and I heard a lot of words like "go back and wait for the announcement".Finally, a company hired me as eversion, because the company is small, not much business, relatively speaking, the salary is not high.

But I'm already satisfied, and I don't have great expectations for myself.In school, my professional grades can only be said to be very average, and my communication skills are limited. It is enough to find a job that can make a living.Besides, I don't spend much on weekdays. Apart from the rent, water and electricity, and daily expenses, I can still have a surplus.

I was not used to working at the beginning, but fortunately, my colleagues are very friendly people, and after slowly groping for work, it went smoothly, and I started my life as a social animal.I gradually found that in such a state where the life pattern is extremely fixed, I feel at ease. Colleagues just keep a distance of saying hello and chatting for a while, neither far nor near, there are no major ups and downs in life, the only thing I care about Only pay, occasionally chatting with A Yu and the others, and Cheng Xingjian, and seeing each other on Sundays, it was plain and comfortable.

I was in a hurry because of my previous work, and I haven't contacted her for nearly a month. Until today, I got off work and received a call from her.

"Susu! How are you doing?" She sounded like she was going to tell me something, her tone was full of joy.

"Fortunately, I found a job in Nancheng. It's an interpreter." I hung my bag behind the door and fell down on my small sofa. "how have you been?"

"After a lot of hard work, I finally got into Aike. You don't know how abnormal the interview is!" Her goal has always been Aike, a well-known cultural and creative products company in China, with simplicity, convenience and practicality as its main direction. Occupying half of the domestic cultural and creative industry, it is said that there are many investments in other industries, headquartered in Beicheng.

"That's great!" I'm happy for her, "I've achieved my goal, I should be invited to dinner to celebrate."

"I'll send you a big bag of instant noodles—" she said with a smile, "You can come to me when you come to Beicheng."

"By the way, you..." I hesitated, but finally asked, "Are you renting a house now?"

"Yeah." She said it calmly, "My mother remarried, and I moved out when I found a job."

"But I'm sharing the rent with others, because the rent in Beicheng is too outrageous. If I live too far away, I'm afraid of going to work."

"Then you still have to pay attention, after all, co-renting... In short, protect yourself." I actually don't agree with co-renting, but there is no way, I have to live.

"Understood! You have to take care of yourself in Nancheng." There was the sound of splashing water from her side, "I have to do laundry, hang up first."

I waited for her to hang up, and when I heard a "beep", she disappeared from the phone, and the room became quiet again, even silent.

A few days later, I asked my mother if she wanted to come and live with her, but she refused, saying that she had lived there all her life and didn't want to leave, and she would come to Nancheng in the future.

My mother didn't ask me where I planned to get married and have children in the future, whether to go back or stay in Nancheng.

The way I get along with my mother has always been like this, she will not interfere with any of my decisions, and I respect her choice very much.This has nothing to do with my child who is not a mother, it's just that we are not good at expressing, and the other party will understand what we say in our hearts.

That's right, I'm not my mother's child. I knew it when I was very young. It was my mother who told me very solemnly, "Susu, you are not my mother's biological child. My mother picked it up in the field. At that time, you There's nothing in the package—maybe it's because you're a girl."

I looked at my mother's face, made a serious expression, and wrote down her words word by word.

"Although this is the case, Susu can't think that mom doesn't love you. Mom loves you very much. I just hope that you will find out in the future that when you don't look like mom, don't be sad or confused. You are mom's favorite. love child."

I seem to understand, I don't think my mother doesn't love me, my mother is the best person in the world to me.

"Then... is it because of me that Mom doesn't have Dad?"

At that time, I didn't know how to express the definition of "lover", I only knew that my mother's partner should be my father.

"No, Susu." My mother stroked my hair very gently, and held me in her arms, "It's not because of Susu, my mother has someone who loves me very much, and my father loves you very much, so I will return it to you." I bought a lot of milk powder and clothes. But Dad was sick and felt very uncomfortable, so Dad thought about it and decided to wait for us in heaven first. He also loves you very much, but he is too afraid of pain."

Then my mother took out a photo album from the drawer, which contained many photos of me and my mother when she was young.Mom found an old yellowed photo from the interlayer. It was a young man with firm features and a good appearance.

"This is Dad, Susu sees if he's handsome." I really thought this man was handsome, so I nodded vigorously.

My mother smiled and said to me: "Susu's name was given by my father. He likes white very much. At first he wanted to call you Yu Bai, but I disagreed desperately, because the name sounds like the white belly of a fish—— Later, he looked through the dictionary for a long time and decided to name you Yu Su."

"What do you mean?" I asked my mother.

"In ancient times, it was white silk, a very beautiful cloth, and it also had the meaning of letter paper. Does Susu know the poem 'Hu'er cooks carp, and there is a ruler in it'?"

I shook my head.

"When you want to be alone, he writes you a letter, hides the letter in the belly of the fish and sends it quietly, and you will be very happy when you receive it. That's what it means."

I understand.

"You are the letter my father sent me, Susu."

After midsummer, it took a sharp turn for the worse, and it was autumn.

Many literati and ink writers have written many autumns, strong, cold, plump, and warm, but in my opinion, autumn in every city is similar. For clothes, the store put up a sign of seasonal price reduction, and there was an extra hand cream in the bag.

This is the case every year, unchanged.

When A Yu came to see me, I stayed at home and made a video call with her. She said she wanted to show me the baking skills she had learned recently, but she overturned tragically.

"I didn't expect it to be so difficult to beat egg whites by hand..." She shook her hands, looking as if she was sore, "Forget it, I'll just buy someone else's cake."

"You are not suitable for this kind of physical work," I leaned against the soft pillow, fluffy and warm, "how about an electric egg beater for you?"

She was packing up on the other side of the screen, and I watched her while drinking yogurt.

There was a knock on the door.

"I'll check it out. Hang up first." Then I hung up the video.

Who is it?Almost no one came to my house, could it be the property?

After opening the door, a frustrated face appeared in front of me, with red eyes, as if she had just cried——

"Susu..." Ayu's voice trembled a little, and he looked haggard. I smelled a mild smell of alcohol when I got closer.

"What's the matter? Come in quickly." I hurriedly pulled Ayu in and closed the door.I was shocked, what happened to Ah Yu?

I pulled her to sit on the sofa, took out a pack of wet wipes from under the table, opened it, and handed it to A Yu.There were obvious tear stains on her face, and her eyes were swollen.When I pulled her just now, I touched her hand, which was very cold.

A Yu told me sobbingly that Brother Zheng wanted to break up with her.

"Why? What happened to Brother Zheng?" I was greatly shocked. I remember that the two of us were very affectionate in college, and often blinded us.

"He told me...he doesn't like me now...no, there's no reason, he just doesn't like me, he likes...he does." Ayu burst into tears again, and I handed her the tissue box .

"He, still... resigned, saying he wants to go back." A Yu looked at me with a pair of red eyes, full of sadness and bewilderment, "I don't know why."

After graduating, A Yu studied management with her father in her own company. Brother Zheng decided to stay in Nancheng, but he couldn't find a job suitable for him, so A Yu arranged a position for Brother Zheng in his company.

"I have selfish intentions. I hope we will work together in the future... He also agreed at the time. I don't know why he suddenly said that now..."

"Did he say there was no warning before breaking up?"

"No, we were still watching a movie together a few days ago." A Yu's mood calmed down a bit, "We even discussed moving in together."

"Susu..." Ayu's voice seemed to hide grievances and sadness, "Should I not do this? I shouldn't have selfish intentions?"

"No, Ayu." I looked at Ayu who suddenly lost all vitality and sunshine, and went up to hug her shoulders, "You just like him and want to help him, you did nothing wrong."

"Then who is wrong?" Ayu leaned on me, a little one.

"No one is wrong," I said, "maybe this is a contradiction that you have been ignoring before, and now it just exploded."

"I don't know what to do? Susu. I don't want to do this."

I sighed softly, looked at the deep night outside, and told A Yu, "You should sleep first."

A Yu nodded obediently, curled up on my bed, covered herself with a soft quilt, and fell asleep.

I walked lightly to the balcony. The autumn wind was blowing outside, and it was so cold that it was so cold that I called Brother Zheng—no one answered.

Anticipating this ending, I called Cheng Xingjian again, and was picked up after it rang for two seconds—"Why did you remember to call me?"

"Do you know that brother Zheng is going to break up with A Yu?" Although I asked, Cheng Xingjian probably didn't know.

"What?!" Sure enough, Cheng Xingjian was shocked, "Why? What is the third child doing?"

"I don't know..." I was annoyed, "I can't get through to his phone."

"Wait, I'll call and ask." Cheng Xingjian hung up the phone.

I stood on the balcony and waited, wrapping up the scarf I was wearing.If that guy Cheng Xingjian called Brother Zheng, he would definitely be able to get through. Those boys are really beyond words.

About 10 minutes later, Cheng Xingjian called me again.

"The third child didn't want to talk to me, but said that he wanted to break up." Cheng Xingjian's voice sounded angry, "But I can probably guess it."

"Heh, do you feel that I am not good enough for A Yu?" I stood in the cold wind for 10 minutes, and my anger did not subside, but became more vigorous. "What is that?"

"I plan to go to him tomorrow," Cheng Xingjian said, "and see what he's doing?"

I said "hmm", there was silence over there, and there was only the sound of electricity in my ears for a while.

"Tell me the time." I said and hung up the phone directly.

I went back to the bedroom, the quilt on the bed was slightly arched, rising and falling with A Yu's breathing.Quiet, like a silent kitten.She was so small, so cheerful and pretty, and now she was sleeping in the dark with tears all over her face.

A wave of pity and anger suddenly surged in my heart, and finally turned into solidified dust and fell to the ground.

Helping A Yu take off the coat I was still wearing, I took out another quilt from the closet and slept on the sofa in the living room.Sleep well, Ayu.