I'm not

Chapter 22

I drank a little wine with Cheng Xingjian, it's really strange, every time I'm with him, I can't help but relax, but when I'm with Wanshu, I get nervous from time to time, always worrying about what I said wrong , doing something wrong, exposing his desire.

"Maybe it's because you never think too much about me." Cheng Xingjian chuckled and drank a little beer in the glass.

"We're also childhood sweethearts, aren't we?" I asked him, looking at his more mature face now, "So I really hate you."

"Why?" Cheng Xingjian said, looking at me funny, "Why did I mess with you?"

"You didn't mess with me, because I think you are so outstanding and dazzling, as if all your success is for granted, so I hate you... But you have no malice towards me-although you often bullied me when I was young... I just hate myself. I feel like I'm such a bad person, I don't want to be in touch with you anymore, you remind me of my ugly, jealous self."

"That's different from the way I see it. I've always thought you were the one who made me jealous."

"What do I have to make you jealous?"

"Didn't you notice? When you were young, you were the least childlike person in your class. Everyone praised you when they talked about you. You are very assertive and persistent, and you never do things that are meaningless to yourself. Things, you do something, just because you want to do it, unlike us, pushed forward by your parents and yourself - this is what I found out after observing you for a long time, sometimes I think, you are like a A hermit in the city."

"Don't you see we're praising each other? It's weird, we talk like that."

"I'm telling the truth, I admire you very much."

"Haha."

"Don't you believe it? I used to copy your composition."

"What? Have you ever done something like this, junior high?"

"Yes, when I was in junior high school, wasn't I the class representative? Every time the teacher finished grading the composition, I would read your composition carefully and then make an excerpt. I still have that excerpt."

"I didn't see it, you didn't talk to me very much at that time."

"What did you know at that time...we were still very young in junior high school, so we didn't know anything."

We laughed for a while, Cheng Xingjian looked at his watch and said to me: "You should go back."

We went out, and Cheng Xingjian reached out to hail a taxi.

I sniffed my sleeve and there was no smell of alcohol.It suddenly occurred to me that these were not my clothes, but Cheng Xingjian's, so I took them off and gave them to him.

"gone."

Cheng Xingjian held his coat, "Can I come to you these few days? If you don't delay your work, just come out and have a chat."

"Okay." I said, and got in the car, "This is a rare opportunity, please invite more customers." In fact, when we check out, we are all AA system.

Cheng Xingjian smiled and waved to me.

The problem with drinking alcohol is that I always feel sleepy in the car, so I open the window to get some fresh air.I thought about what Cheng Xingjian said to me, but I didn't expect him to be the kind of person who secretly read my composition. Thinking of it made me a little funny.

I had some jealousy toward Cheng Xingjian, but it dissipated long ago.I didn't have many friends when I was a student, and his existence is of great significance, because I may not have a lover in the future, and I can only rely on friends to live.

Cheng Xingjian, A Yu, and her, a friend of the opposite sex, a friend of the same sex, and a... friend I love.

This is all the feelings I can have in the future. Human love is a luxury. Except for family affection, I can only give my love to a few people stingily, even if they may not cherish it, I don’t care.

Feelings are not something that is guaranteed to be reciprocated.

In the past few days, Wanshu has been running to see many houses. She seems to be taking this matter very seriously. Sometimes she will ask for my opinion, such as——

"Do you think this kind of small duplex is good?" Wanshu took the promotional paper to study, "Actually, I don't like it very much."

Or: "Is this decoration style good? What do you think? It seems too cold and doesn't feel like home." "It's too far away, so it's not convenient to go to work."

Wanshu was writing something on the paper with a ballpoint pen. I watched her smear twice, then flicked the pen again, and went to the room to get a pen for her.

"Thank you." She took the pen and paused, "It's a pen."

"What's wrong? Shall I change one?" I got up.

"No," Wanshu lowered her head, and after a while, "Cheng Xingjian gave this to you? I remember you said it."

"Yes, he gave it to me. That guy really saves money." I noticed that Wanshu was not happy, and wanted to fool around casually.

"It's very meaningful to give a pen," Wan Shu looked at the pen and closed the cap, "I think it's very romantic."

"why?"

"Because the pen can be used for a long time, every time you write, you will hold it, and then you will think of the person who gave it." Wanshu held the pen, her voice was very soft, "Isn't it romantic?"

"But I won't think of Cheng Xingjian, you are too emotional."

"Susu, I think..." Wanshu seemed a little embarrassed, she struggled for a while before she could speak, as if she had made up her mind, "Cheng Xingjian is interested in you."

"Hahaha no, it's impossible for us." I sat next to Wanshu, the sofa was soft, I lay down and pillowed on Wanshu's lap, "If we are interested, we will be together in university, how can we wait until now?" Now."

"Maybe it's Cheng Xingjian who has a crush on you." She chuckled lightly, and slid a pen across my face, and I closed my eyes coolly.

"What's the matter? Are you afraid that Cheng Xingjian will snatch me away?" I laughed out loud, turned over to hold Wanshu down, and tickled her.

"I'm afraid you'll be cheated—" Wan Shu smiled, tears welling from the corners of her eyes.

"No way," I let go of her, and we were in messy clothes, reclining casually on the sofa, "Whether it's being cheated or leaving you, I won't."

Wanshu didn't speak, I closed my eyes and enjoyed a moment of silence.

I actually understand from the bottom of my heart that Wanshu has an inexplicable possessive desire for me. This may come from the love between girls and girlfriends, or maybe it is because I have known Wanshu for a long time, so it is due to inertia, and there is even a little bit of possibility. Love, but this is not enough to support my desire.

Cheng Xingjian said "50.00%" to me, how could I take risks?Besides, in fact, the probability of my success is less than 50.00%. He is too optimistic, which is what I envy.

Why is there a distinction between men and women in the world?I think this world is really unfair. If there are differences, then we will continue to fight forever, and we, the odd numbers, are in the middle of the cracks, and we are in constant fear.

Yes and no, never absolute.Does it mean that there is no love in friendship?To become a close friend, most of them have some love.

Some people always say that girls are jealous by nature. I used to be a little confused because I didn't have personal experience, so I couldn't easily agree or deny it.But then I realized that most of the people who said these words were men, because women are more likely to fall in love with women than men, and the probability of women falling in love with the same sex may be far beyond people's imagination.

So those who don't understand the love between girls will think that women are jealous by nature, even the boyfriends of good friends are jealous, which is simply unreasonable.What he didn't understand was that it was actually a kind of vague passion that even the girls didn't notice. a form of expression.

I thought so much, to justify myself and Wanshu, to hypnotize myself, our relationship is nothing but friendship with this passion, I deceived myself for many years, even I believed this statement myself.

Wanshu probably also believes that she should be able to understand that her love for me is also out of human instinct, the bond of friendship, and the inevitable evolution of human communities.So if I don't say it, she doesn't have to worry about it anymore.

What a perfect relationship, I am not a stupid woman who is easily seduced by a snake, I am not a subsidiary created by God and born from a man's rib, I am not a prisoner who is easily confused with love and sin.I'm just an ordinary friend who is bewitched by a deep friendship.

She knows, and I know, that our relationship is the most perfect and solid in the world, and it won't be damaged or disappeared because of those vows.

Since Young Master Dong has restrained himself a lot, I hardly hear any gossip about him and Wan Shu in the company.

If not for that.

I took the document to copy, and happened to meet Ah Ying to pour hot water, so I greeted her and didn't pay attention.But she stopped and raised her eyebrows at me - "I just heard a gossip."

"What?" I said, just because I was afraid of being left alone. Ah Ying was really gossip, which reminded me of A Yu. Although she was also cheerful and outgoing, she never bored people.

"We may have a president's wife soon...it's the little president." Aying winked, "Maybe there will be a red envelope."

I pursed my lips and nodded, "Really? Where did you hear that?" I tried to be as calm as possible, or maybe I added a little curiosity?

"Assistant... She told me that Mr. Dong often made reservations for some high-end restaurants recently, and arranged flowers and so on. It's obvious that she has taken action."

"That's it, then we should congratulate Young Master Dong."

"Oh, I don't know which lucky woman it is—" Ah Ying sighed pretendingly, and after satisfying her desire to express, she patted me on the shoulder, "I'm leaving, don't tell others."

"Yeah." I agreed indiscriminately, knowing that even if I didn't say it, she would tell everyone soon.

Regarding Dong Shao's behavior, I don't have much fluctuation in my heart, because I have been hypnotizing myself, and this hypnosis has lasted long enough for me to forget the pain, and I can even accept it on the surface. That man—Dong Shao is no different from any other man in my eyes, no matter who it is, there will always be someone to fill the vacancy.

Next to Wan Shu, there was the vacancy standing.

I will no longer be ugly because of jealousy, I have to keep calm, because Wanshu needs me, this is enough.