That's it

8

They were superficially happy that night, and both drank a lot of wine.Guo Yi was drunk for the first time in his life, while Xiang Ping and Zhao Wenyuan were still sober.The two of them wanted Xiangping to go to their residence, but Xiangping insisted on going back to his sister's house.So Zhao Wenyuan drove Xiang Ping home.Guo Yi got out of the car and ran towards Xiang Ping when he was fast entering the community gate.

"Eight roads."

He hugged Xiangping, patted his back and said, "I'm really happy today, thank you. I've never been like this before."

"There is a price to be paid for being too happy. What happened tonight is enough for you to digest for a while. Go out and play happily, don't worry too much, I hope you can return to normal as soon as possible when you go back." After Xiang Ping finished speaking, he pushed him away and squeezed out a smile , patted his shoulder and left.

"What do you mean?" Guo Yi still asked excitedly with a smile.

"You'll understand. Goodbye."

"Thank you Balu."

Xiang Ping stood at the gate of Xiang Hong's house, adjusting his status.I looked at the time and it was 02:30 in the morning.He couldn't think of a good way not to disturb his eldest sister and eldest brother-in-law who were eight months pregnant.

"What time is it?" Xiang Hong had been half asleep, waiting for Xiang Ping to come back.She spoke in a very low voice, afraid of waking Li Zhicheng up.

"11:30." Xiang Ping replied in a low voice.

"Ah, the smell of alcohol. Go to sleep."

"Well, you can sleep too."

Lying on the bed, Xiang Ping still didn't feel sleepy.Think back and their debauchery.All actions are so hypocritical.They use appearances to prove their ulterior motives.Zhao Wenyuan's initiative is proving his fickleness.Guo Yi's restraint is saying that he is conservative.And Xiang Ping was deeply disgusted by his behavior, or was it to avoid embarrassment?Or prove yourself free and easy?Or a little affection for them?Why bother with all that?But Mingming felt that it was right, otherwise, what should he do with himself?He is obviously a hypocritical and dissolute person.After thinking about it, I felt bored, and then I remembered the appearance of my eldest sister just now.Want to ask but did not ask, silently caring.

Xiang Hong knew he was gay. year 2011.Xiang Ping once compiled that unforgettable relationship into a 30-word novel. Just like now, he is eager to be understood.The last half-truth and half-fake novel was only shown to Xiang Hong.

After struggling in every possible way, Xiang Ping made the most terrifying psychological preparation for Xiang Hong.It was so frightening that it was more serious than that period of depression, and Xiang Hong was even more worried.From the moment the money was sent to Xiang Hong, Xiang Ping's heart hung in suspense, as if waiting for a death sentence.

A few days later.

Xiang Ping: Have you read it?

Eldest sister: I'm at work, something happened just now, and I haven't watched the ending yet.

Xiang Ping: Oh.Let's talk after reading it.

Xiang Ping began to wait more impatiently.He did nothing that day, locked in his room anxiously awaiting his sentence.Very disturbed and uneasy.The most terrible consequences seem to happen at any time, and he always feels that 30 words cannot express all his thoughts.

afternoon.When it's time to eat.Xiang Ping's mother shouted at the top of her voice as usual: "Get ready to eat."

Xiang Ping was about to go to dinner and received a text message.

Elder Sister: I'm done.I can understand you.

Xiang Ping threw his head on the bed, and when he saw this short reply that took 30 characters, tears burst out instantly and flowed across his gratified smile.Excited, relieved, relaxed, exhilarated, there are no better adjectives to describe the feeling.

He locked the door, not wanting anyone to see his tears.Ren that resentful woman yelled endlessly. During that time, Xiang Ping could only prove that he was alive when he was eating at home. Xiang Ping's mother was just used to yelling every day, and even she knew that yelling was useless.Xiang Ping silently let his tears go, and the tears became a celebration of the liberated heart.The arm rests on the forehead in an attempt to restrain the body from pulling out, the rhythm of the twitch seems to be the joyous movement of every cell in the body.

Xiang Ping: I cried and didn't know what to say.Do you have any questions?

Eldest sister: If you really want to see him, go and meet him. It's a trip. If you don't have money, sister will take it for you.Maybe you can only face reality when you meet him, and no matter what, you have to face the realistic result.But don't tell our parents and others about you, they won't be able to accept and understand.

Xiang Ping: It's gone, it's all over.I won't tell anyone, don't worry.I am satisfied with your understanding.

In the four years since then, Xiang Hong has never asked him anything about comrades or him, as if he had never read that novel.Always support Xiang Ping silently, sometimes Xiang Ping can see that she wants to ask, but he doesn't know what to say.

Zhao Wenyuan sent Guo Yi to the hotel to leave.But Guo Yi didn't want to go back.Zhao Wenyuan never wanted to refuse directly, and kept using hints to let Guo Yi understand the relationship between the two.The shy Guo Yi showed his love to Zhao Wenyuan unreservedly under the influence of alcohol. The embarrassing relationship reached this point. The anesthetized Guo Yi begged with tears and tried his best to save the relationship between the two.Until Zhao Wenyuan collapsed.

After the car was turned off, the temperature inside the car quickly dropped.But the hearts of the two are still boiling.The fornication he had just experienced made Guo Yi make a brave move, he hesitated to touch Zhao Wenyuan's hand.Zhao Wenyuan immediately changed his hand.

"Don't do this." Zhao Wenyuan said with a painful face.

"Don't you want to? How about we..."

"We were wrong from the beginning, you and Ben don't understand me."

"I don't need to know you. I know that no matter what you are, it is enough for me to like you. I have never liked someone like you. I feel that I can do anything to you."

"I have someone else in my heart."

"I know. Balu told me."

"It's impossible for him to tell you everything. I'm not as good as you think. I'm not worthy of your liking."

"I don't think it's important. I can't forget that you sang to me every day to comfort me, and that sentence is good until you get better with others." Guo Yi lowered his head and smiled and cried.

Zhao Wenyuan was in pain and didn't know what to say.Time and space are still, only the blood is boiling.The silence lasted for a long time.

"Why don't you be friends! I don't need you to like me, just don't ignore me." Guo Yi finally stopped his tears and said with difficulty.

"Do you think it's possible to be friends like this? Forget about me! Get out of the car! I'm going home."

Guo Yi burst into tears.My mind went blank.Zhao Wenyuan started the car and waited silently for him to leave.Guo Yi desperately opened the car door, like a wandering soul, the cold made him seem to be awake, just like the temperature of his heart.Looking at the car that left him without hesitation, it gradually drifted away, and finally disappeared at the corner of the intersection.The loss makes the heart no longer hurt, it is empty, and only the cold and humble self is left in the whole world.After standing for a long time, I looked upstairs and tried to adjust my emotions so that my wife would not notice anything unusual.

Zhao Wenyuan gripped the steering wheel fiercely, biting his teeth tightly together, resulting in two protruding muscle lines on both sides of his cheeks.There is only the road in his eyes, and only hatred for himself in his mind. He hates his chaotic thinking and life, hates the harm he has done to everyone, and hates himself for not having the courage to face love.Everything is not what you want, but you can never get what you want.

Love and sex belong to the psychological and physical needs of a normal person.The human subconscious will drive the desire for needs, and finally execute or inhibit the execution. The inhibition is derived from the collision of concepts and human nature.

Guo Yi, like most gay people who have not come out, lives an ordinary life.Affected by traditional concepts, in the past ten years of contact with the gay circle, I have not allowed myself to cheat in behavior, even though my heart has already cheated imperceptibly.Bearing the responsibilities of the family, he made himself forget his sexual orientation, never stopped restraining his fantasies about the same sex, and never stopped the connection with his comrades.Floating in the spiritual world created by the Internet every day, seeking spiritual comfort, living an ordinary life that cannot be more ordinary.

Guo Yi's wife is his only girlfriend, and they finally got married after dating for seven years.Three of the seven years were long-distance relationships, and his wife finally defected to him and settled in Tianjin.Anyone who knows him knows that he is afraid of his wife. Under the influence of today's social outlook, praise makes him think it is right.I don't like to compete with others, so I can do my part with peace of mind.Never thought of touching the behavior that affects the family.Before Zhao Wenyuan appeared, he didn't even dare to think that he would have actual contacts with any comrades. He imagined that there would be, but it was just a fantasy.

Xiang Ping discovered from his circle of friends that he fell in love that he belonged, and the circle of friends was full of metaphors about love and happiness.

Balu: Seeing that your writing is so nasty, what's the situation?

Zhifan (Guo Yi): What's wrong?nothing much.

Balu: Pretend.

Zhifan: Hehe.nothing.

Balu: Who is it?Say it quickly.

Zhifan: Who is it?Really not.

Zhifan: Why are you silent?

Balu: Don't talk about pulling down, I have nothing to say.

Zhifan: From Heilongjiang.

Balu: Halo.It can't be me.

Zhifan: Hehe.no.

Balu: Oh.I feel sorry for you.Who is that?

Zhifan: Haha.Floating life.Don't tell anyone, no one will know.It's not what you think.

Balu: Congratulations, congratulations.I've seen him in the group, he's pretty handsome, and I've thought about him too, but I haven't chatted with him.He made a video of me having sex, but I'm not good at it.Ha ha.

Zhifan: Really?when.

Balu: Haha.Lie to you.Where have you grown?

Zhifan: I haven't seen it yet. I drove to Dalian with my family on May [-]st, and he and his wife were also going there by car, so we might meet.

Balu: Not bad.How did you like him?Am I not bad?

Zhifan: I saw that he posted a photo in the group once, and I think he is the type I like, mature, calm, and strong.hehe.I joked that I wanted to find a friend, but he said how about we.As long as you get better with someone else.This sentence touched me very much.

Zhifan: He calls me every day and sings to me.No one has ever done this to me.

Zhifan: Really.It was the first time someone treated me like this, and it felt good.

Balu: Haha.Happiness.Be careful overdoing it.

Zhifan: What is too much?

Balu: You are hindered by reality, this is the most profound summary of my relationship.Grasp the degree, don't mess up.It's hard for a simple person like you to control yourself.

Zhifan: Actually, it’s not as complicated as you think.I don't have so many demands, I haven't thought about anything else, I just think it's good to have such a person.

Balu: Hehe.That's good.But remind you, women are very sensitive, don't let your wife notice your changes.Take it easy at home.

Zhifan: I know.Will not.

Balu: It feels good to like someone.enjoy it.

Zhifan: You don't get married, and you don't find friends. I don't know what you think.I still advise you to find a girlfriend and get married!You don't exclude women.Sooner or later, we are going to get married, and it is also an explanation to the family.

Balu: Stop it.Find your floating life.

Zhifan: You don’t like to listen to me talking about getting married. You can’t escape the reality. Really, I think my life is pretty good now, not as bad as you imagined. Aren’t most gays married?Be a normal person.The ideal life is unrealistic, and the love between comrades is difficult to last.

Balu: You can't convince me.At least I know what I want.

Zhifan: Here we go again, as if you live clearly.

Balu: Remember to send me the video when you meet and have sex.Ha ha.

Zhifan: We just meet each other, there will be no relationship.

Balu: Don't you want to?

Zhifan: Hehe.think.But no.

Balu: live a real life.

Zhifan: There is nothing fake or fake, you shouldn’t do that.

Balu: If you desire in your heart, if you don’t experience it, you will never have it.

Zhifan: I may not be able to do it.I don't want to go through so much.

Balu: Then how about you video sex with others?If you don't show it to me, I won't take any advantage of getting to know you.Desire is something that is difficult to escape. It does not mean that if you don't want to do it, you can easily do it if you don't want to do it.

Zhifan: Haha.That's different, you don't show me.Besides, we are good friends and shouldn't do that.

Balu: I'm Mensao, I just want to take advantage.

Zhifan: You are still coquettish.I'm dizzy.Is there anything in the group that you don't like?Which one of you hasn't chased after?

Balu: Hehe.None caught up.

Zhifan: You should be serious, to be honest.

Balu: I'm afraid of being serious.If you know the result, you might as well not start.

Zhifan: Are you not empty?

Balu: Temporary.

Xiang Ping didn't know when he got used to being lonely, and when he was alone, he could spend more time to calm himself down.Longing for love and freedom at the same time, always thinking quietly how to get what you want in your heart.Hypocrisy and cowardice are the deadliest obstacles to his realization.And his current life, whether in life or in the circle of gay friends, is hypocritical to the extreme, using fakes to cover up lost desires.How can I satisfy my heart?It must not be hypocritical and cowardly.