Death Beliefs

Chapter 19@19

Wen Ling looked at my indecent way of eating, and twitched the corners of his mouth, "Enlightenment? Regret? What have you awakened to, and what are you regretting? It looks like you have been hungry for a few days, what are you doing tonight? Who's at the dinner table?"

I waved my hand to signal her to stop. I really don’t want to answer the last question. Whether it’s with Zhang Mianyang or Xi Xiang, I have been a light bulb for a while. Let’s forget about this history of humiliation. I want noodles. .

However, regarding the philosophical question I raised, I patiently explained to her: "Awakening, you should find a boyfriend when you are in school, preferably in high school, and there is no major in college. If you choose the right one, even looking at a boy is considered a luxury. As for regrets, of course you have to bravely confess to the person you like."

"So it turns out that you have moved your heart before."

Wen Ling was probably intrigued by me, an ascetic person, so he sat directly across from me and started talking to me seriously.

I said: "Whoever is not an ordinary person, when he is adolescence, when he is young, he will meet someone he likes."

"Then who do you like?" Wen Ling asked gossipingly.

I picked up the noodles and blew, "You don't even know each other, after all, we were not in the same school. Besides, how long has passed, I can't even remember what he looks like."

"But from your tone, it's obvious that you regretted missing him." Wen Ling looked at me with a smile.

Me: "...Yeah, I just regret that I didn't have time to confess my love to the person I like." I took a few mouthfuls of noodles happily, not too happy.

Wen Ling suddenly looked at me lovingly, and I had no doubt that the expression she quietly watched me eating noodles was like seeing her own flesh and blood rolling out of her stomach.

Maybe she didn't think there was anything wrong, but the look in her eyes seemed to squeeze out water, which was no less than hindering my appetite for a person who was eating happily. I slowly put down my chopsticks, and the atmosphere was a little awkward—— Don't look at me eating noodles affectionately.

I said, "You're hungry too, don't you want a bowl? I feel embarrassed watching me eat." The key is that the eyes are too strange.

Wen Ling propped her cheeks, her eyes were firmly fixed on me, and she said, "Meng Chen, you really haven't changed at all."

There are quite a few people who said this to me. I took the napkin on the table, wiped the corners of my mouth, and said, "Actually, I am also quite puzzled. Many people have said this to me. There must be a change. Yes, I just don’t know what aspect you are referring to. If you are talking about my appearance, then I really have to thank you. How can I say that it’s not the little girl’s film back then? Isn’t this a change? If you say Internally, what you're saying is that I'm immature, immature, right?"

Wen Ling hurriedly stretched out his hand to stop me: "Hey, I don't want you to be seated like this. We said that you haven't changed, which is a good thing, but there is no malice. I find that you always wrap all your praises in the cloak of suspicion. "

I curled my lips and said, "It's because there is nothing worthy of praise, so I don't want to hear those words. I know, I am a person, although I live a leisurely life, but I am too ordinary, my life It's like a stagnant water that can't be shocked. Not to mention that you think I am boring, I myself think that my life is boring. I feel that my life is really the kind that can see the end at a glance. When I was studying at first , I still have all kinds of visions for the future, but now, I am not as indifferent as before. The moment I open my eyes every day, guess what I think? What I think is when will I die."

Wen Ling nodded my nose amusedly, shook his head, apparently not taking my heartfelt words seriously.

Indeed, if a person maintains a pessimistic attitude all the time, but she is still lively and happy, it is difficult for people to feel that her words are true, and her feelings are also true. They just feel that she is moaning without illness, and even begins to look forward to it from the bottom of her heart. When will she be able to fulfill her promise, she said she wants to die, so how will she die, about when?

Then, she got up to clean up the soup bowls on the table and went to work in the kitchen. After a while, she brought out a glass of warm water and handed it to me.

I took it in a daze, took a sip, looked up and asked her: "Can you put hot water for me to take a bath? I feel very uncomfortable if I don't take a bath for a day."

Wen Ling sat down beside me, "I put it away for you. Can I wear my pajamas?"

"Uh-huh."

She put her warm palm on top of my head, and suddenly said softly: "Meng Chen, don't keep talking about death, you are actually living a better life than all of us. It must be difficult for people to live according to their wishes, so , be happy. I don't even know what troubles you will have."

I slapped her hand off, and said angrily, "I just said that you are the person who knows me best, how long have you come to ask me what worries me?"

"Have you ever thought that being alive is a kind of luck. Look at those people in ancient times, and they desperately wanted to live forever."

Wen Ling patted the top of my hair again when I wasn't paying attention, but I swung my paw over it, almost causing flesh wounds.

Being alive is actually not a kind of luck, but a burden... How many people desire to live, so there are also many people who wish that they were not born in this world at all.

What does it mean to be alive?It means that we will be full of regrets when we are born as human beings. Whether we are poor or rich, we are always troubled by the frequent yearning and longing for another life because it is not an ideal life. However, when will we get our wish.

At that time, it simply does not exist. What everyone pursues at each stage changes rapidly, so no one can live freely and freely in the true sense. Instead, they walk out of one maze and enter another maze. Lock yourself up and trouble your life.

However, I didn’t tell Wen Ling about these things. Whether she can understand or not, I think that some dead ends are just one person’s entanglement. If this is the case, why should I announce them, and it will cause trouble for others.

After taking a shower, I nestled comfortably on Wen Ling's big bed that was big enough for three people, feeling bored.

So, he either tugged at the doll's ears for a while, or covered his mouth and laughed at Wen Ling like a psycho: "Oh my god, how old are you, and you still pile up so many dolls? Are these all wholesale? They all look the same." Woolen cloth."

In the bedroom, only the desk lamp with a warm yellow halo on the bedside was turned on. I looked left and right, and finally found a lonely chinchilla in the corner near the closet. The only special thing immediately aroused my interest. Dazeng jumped over the bed with hands and feet and crawled towards it.

If I remember correctly, it should be a birthday present that Xi Xiang gave her in a certain year. Thanks to her, she still kept it. Although it was thrown in an inconspicuous corner, at least it was not thrown away in the trash can.

I called her in the direction of the living room, and she responded from a distance, then came in wiping her dripping hair, and said while wiping, "Didn't I tell you to go to bed first? I'll catch up later What about the design draft?"

"Can't you talk to me?" I was a little aggrieved, lying on the warm blanket, steaming all over my body, "Let's talk about Xi Xiang, okay? Look, I'm here too, don't you As for letting me guard the vacant room alone? If I knew you were so busy with work, I should stick to the defense line today and not come here to disturb you."

I looked at her seriously, wanting her to see sincerity in my eyes, but she turned her eyes uncooperatively, and said lightly, "Then what do you want to hear?"

As soon as I heard her let go, I immediately slipped out of the bed excitedly, and said with a smile: "Of course I'm listening to your love history. I've been thinking about writing a novel recently, and I'll use you two as the subject."

"And the ending is BE?" Wen Ling rolled his eyes, raising his foot in time to go out.

I quickly pulled her back, "Then what ending do you want? Can't I make you happy?"

"No. Because I told you, I don't want to mention anything about Xi Xiang."

Me: "...is it okay to accommodate?"

She looked at me with an expression so indifferent that even her face was flat, she said: "Meng Xuan, do you know what Xi Xiang said to me when we broke up? She said, she doesn't really like me, she It's just that she has a mental illness, hated men terribly since she was a child, and she can find a little affection for women, she also said, she figured it out, maybe her feelings for me are just the kind of likes that just happen to be friends."

I interrupted her: "Then you really believed her nonsense?"

I didn't even realize that my voice was trembling. I couldn't believe that they, who were sacred in my mind, broke up with such a lame reason. It was so ironic.

"I don't know how you define two people who love each other. But Meng Xuan, sometimes I can't tell whether I really like her, whether my liking for her is really what you and we think , is really love."

She supported my shoulders and sat down on the edge of the bed, her forehead hair covered her eyes, she lowered her head, looking very depressed, I gently embraced her, patted her on the back, and said to myself how could I like it? There are so many twists and turns, if you like it, you like it.

"Don't talk about me and Xi Xiang, it's all in the past. What happened to you and Zhang Mianyang?"

"What else can happen?" I sneered, "We met each other on a blind date, how strong is our relationship? As long as the final marriage is not done, we will not interfere with each other. He has the right to continue to seek true love. Well, of course I can do whatever I want."

"Actually, I can tell that you really like Zhang Mianyang."

"Like can't be eaten or lived! Even if I like him and he doesn't like me, shouldn't we still brag about it?"

"Forget it, you are angry, no matter how much I tell you, you still look unhappy at him. Do you know that there is a saying that hates as much as you hate? It probably refers to your kind People. You almost put your love for Zhang Mianyang on your face. You, you are still too nympho, but this time you met such a... how should I put it, blame the handsome boy, otherwise I guess you Still dating."

I shook my fist at her, but she had no choice but to stop, but she was not reconciled, and finally added: "Hey, I am also a person with a history of love, whether you like him or not, I can tell with my eyes, Can I still lie to you?"

"You who have failed and come here, can you not lie to me?" I rolled my eyes silently, "Then I believed that you and Xi Xiang were true love before, the kind of true love that can be concluded from the eyes alone, but you two Isn't it time to blow it?"

Wen Ling: "...It's so kind to be a donkey. My relationship with Xi Xiang is different from that between you and Zhang Mianyang."

"Yeah, it's different. I met Zhang Mianyang on a blind date. If I had to sum it up in one word, he and I fell in love at first sight...it's incredible."

Wen Ling seemed unable to stand my nonsense anymore, and raised his hand to signal for me to stop, "Why don't you talk about gender differences?"

After finishing speaking, she quickly took off her cotton slippers, climbed onto the empty pillow next to me and lay down, she wrapped her arms around my waist, and said in a muffled voice, "I haven't slept with you like this in a long time."

Me: "... For a person who has disclosed his sexual orientation, is it really okay for you to sleep with a same-sex like this?"

Her hand on my waist trembled, and then teased, "I think it's good. Besides, I won't do anything to you, I'm a gentleman."

I:"……"

I really don't feel good, especially when her hand is around, and I'm only separated from me by the fabric, I have the urge to faint from nervousness, and the result is that I can't sleep for a whole night I felt safe and secure, and also had some unimaginable dreams, which confirmed "Thinking every day and dreaming at night".