that boy said he loves me

Chapter 24 from Xiaobin's Blog - Death Diary

I know I have "short days", but I really don't want to die.

I haven't said "I love you" to Xiaoxing yet, and I want to take this feeling for him to the grave.

Let this love be buried in my heart forever. It is much better to have someone die in my heart than to have no one in my heart.

If I have him in my heart, maybe I won't be alone down here, because "love" is in my heart, whether he knows it or not.

I may never see him again. When Xiaoxing walked into the marriage hall, he looked handsome in a suit, and when he was playing with his child in his arms, he must be happy at that time .

Just like my first blessing from him, "You must be happy".

I will silently bless him, although at that time we have been "separated from man and nature".I wish it was "fate" playing a "joke" with me, every time I wake up from a nightmare, what I say will always be "I don't want to die, I don't want to die"...

Shayang woke up from the nightmare with the sound of the sound, and then watched the transparent liquid flow into my body from the glass bottle with no focus, slowly and without temperature flowing into my warm body, I

I can feel the temperatureless liquid warming slowly from my body, slowly and quietly blending with my blood.

If one day I die, the transparent liquid will change from flowing to stagnant.

When everything becomes still, it’s like the heart stops beating. It’s a reason why life has come to an end... The day before yesterday, a patient "passed away" in front of my eyes.

He was about the same age as me, the moment I saw him go, I thought of myself, and when I saw his parents crying, I saw my parents.

I think he must have been in pain when he left, because his face was purple-black, and the doctor said he was suffocated to death, and he couldn't even receive oxygen.

After more than half an hour of rescue, he was given electric shocks.

I saw his body bouncing up and down, and a little nurse was holding a ball to help him breathe.

Because he could no longer breathe on his own, the doctor gave him resuscitation, and two ribs were broken, but his body didn’t respond at all. I curled up in my mother’s arms like a helpless baby in the cold. I kept trembling while I was being helped, and my mother hugged my head with her warm body so that I wouldn't let me see it. I was really scared at the time.

Then I kept crying, and I could feel her body shaking slightly.

In fact, I understand my mother, she was afraid that I would be like that child, but I still took a sneak peek, I know that my mother was as scared as I was, afraid of losing, afraid of never seeing each other, the most beautiful thing in the world. The pain should be that the white-haired person sends the black-haired person!My parents worked so hard to raise me, but when it was time for me to repay them, I shook my sleeves and left.

I used to read a story "it is said that when children come into this world, some come to pay off debts, and some come to collect debts.

Parents who had children did not fulfill their responsibilities as parents when they were young. They were not good to the children. When they got old, the children still had to take care of them. He raised them, and when the children grew up and could take care of and protect their parents, they died for various reasons, and this was to collect debts. "

I think I was entrusted by that debt collector ghost. In this life, I have come to collect debts from my parents. When the debts are almost paid off, I should leave this world.

If I still have a chance to survive in this life, I must be filial to their elders, but there will never be a "miracle" or if in this world. My current wish is

I hope that after my death, my parents can get out of the shadow of losing me as soon as possible, and don't be too sad.

As for Xiaoxing, I hope to leave a shadow of me in his heart.

Occasionally, I think of my kindness to him inadvertently, and hope that I will always be the good brother who loves him, takes care of him, and takes care of him in his heart...