Blind Faith

Chapter 13

When I got home, instead of taking Missy for a walk like I usually do, I went for a jog with her.Even though I've been to the park all day, I still need to let go of my negative energy.

isaac.damn it.He was an unbearable man.

I know he has his reasons, but how long do I have to put up with his bad behavior and his hurtful behavior?

I really do not know.

It was Sunday night, and as usual, Mark called.He could sense that something was wrong. "What's wrong?"

I sighed, "Isaac."

"Oh," he said softly, "what did he do this time?"

Mark sees it all.He knew where we disagreed, he knew Isaac snubbed Brady on purpose, he knew Isaac had a tendency to overreact.He also knows how much I love him.

So I told him what happened on that otherwise good day, because I had a little interaction with Brady, and how things got messed up.I told him what I had said and how I had given him a deadline by Tuesday to think about whether he wanted to stay with me or not.

"Do you know what you need?" Mark asked.

“I need to be calm, sane, self-possessed come Tuesday and tell him it’s not a joke. I need to be firm and not give in to him,” I replied. "I need to tell him that he can start by loving his dog and stop messing around." Then I add, almost without thinking, "Then I'll tell him I love him."

Mark laughed. "Yeah, that sounds really grown-up, but I was going to talk about something else you need."

I don't really want to know: "What?"

"I!"

I smile.It certainly sounds nice to have Mark by my side, but given our jobs and the distance between us, it was unlikely to happen. "Thank you for your self-recommendation."

"I'm serious!" he yelled on the phone. "I'll be over tomorrow, I have a staff management meeting I have to attend, but I'm free to see you the rest of the week."

"really?"

"Of course it's true," he said. "We have honest jobs, and the boss just said last week that we can take some time off."

I smiled. "That's nice."

***

On Monday, I hadn't received a single call or voicemail from Isaac, and I wasn't planning to call him.On Monday night, I contemplated calling Hannah just to check how he was doing, but I held myself back.

On Tuesdays, when I was doing a very small job, Mark came over after lunch.I told him to come straight to the hospital so he could get the keys to my house because I was going to see Isaac and it would be a little late to get home.He managed to meet Lanny and Kate at the reception, and Luke, a third-year college student.He also took great pains to refrain from sexually harassing them.He was polite and pleasant, even though he grinned at me with a sly grin.

I took him into my office in order to whisper something and give him the keys. "Oh," he said disappointedly, "I thought you were going to take me to the exam room so you could put me on my stomach and take my rectal temperature."

I smiled at him, "Why on earth would I miss you?"

He smiled and said, "Because I'm so good!"

I laughed and unhooked the key to my front door from the keychain and handed it to him, "I should have said 'just like my own', but I have no doubts you would."

He laughed. "Of course I would."

"There's some wood in the room for a fire, and you can take Missy for a walk if you like."

"But it's raining now," he said, "and it's cold!"

"Missy won't mind."

He squinted at me. "Are you coming back with pizza?"

"Yes."

"And beer?"

I rolled my eyes, "There's beer in the fridge."

He laughed: "That's the deal." He put the keys in his pocket, then patted my arm with one hand, "You and Isaac are fine, don't be nervous."

"Ok, I know."

"Be firm, remember the shitty things you're going to tell him, and make sure you say everything you want to say before you go to bed with him," he said seriously, "most importantly, for God's sake Come on, don't put olives on my pizza."

I rolled my eyes, "Thank you for your teaching, buddy."

He opened my office door, ready to leave, "Anything else, Carter?"

"what happened?"

"Say hello to him for me."

I smiled, "I will."

"Fine," he said, walking down the corridor and leaving, "now get back to work, you can't just stand around talking all day and get paid for nothing."

I had a smile on my face when Lanny walked in and told me the patient was already waiting for the next appointment.She looked at me curiously: "Did that guest just now have an unusual relationship with you?" She pretended to be casual and asked, "I mean he's cute, but he's not like Isaac Blaney So cute."

I looked at her, then shook my head, "You're so inexperienced with formulas, Lanny."

She laughed, "Just curious."

"He's not," I replied, smiling. "That guest you mentioned is my bestie, Mark. He's staying with me this week."

"Where's Isaac?" she asked, trying to look less interested.

"I'm going to see him this afternoon." I told her without further ado that there was a good chance he would break up with me.

She laughed, "Oh, Isaac coming here in the rain to meet you is the sweetest thing I've ever seen."

I rolled my eyes.Yes, that's sweet, he can be terribly sweet.But he's also terribly deaf and hurtful, and that's what I'm going to fix at his house.

***

When I got to Isaac's house, I was thinking about how things would play out, how he would react, and what decisions he would make.I had no idea whether he was going to tell me he thought we were screwed, or apologize to me.Or both.Isaac is such a person, no one will ever guess his reaction.

I hope he'll say he's willing to go on, he's going to go on with me.I look forward to continuing to associate with him.I miss him a lot.It's good to keep a little distance though.It helped to see the matter for what it was and gave him time to think about what I had said to him.

Hannah's car was still parked outside the front door, and when she opened the door to let me in, I could tell there was some tension between them.

"Thank goodness you're here," she said. "You might be able to convince him."

"Oh, really, Hannah," Isaac called from across the living room, "I told you not to talk. I told you all, and I haven't made up my mind yet!"

I walked into the room, hesitating who to talk to. "Uh, how are you?"

"Just leave her alone," Isaac told me. "We're just discussing something and she disagrees with me. It's not unusual at all."

Hannah wailed in frustration: "Isaac, you just don't want to say anything in front of Carter, because you know very well that he will definitely agree with me."

"Hannah, I said stop talking about this," Isaac snapped at his sister, and then he turned to me, "Carter, come in and sit down. How's work going?"

"Uh, I can go back first..."

Isaac completely ignored me and said, "No, Hannah is leaving in a minute."

She snatched her bag from the table.She was really pissed off.I've never seen her so angry. "You know what, Isaac? I'm not coming back this week, what do you think? If you're really this independent, you don't need me or Brady, and then you can go to work or live, Do your goddamn chores yourself because I quit." Hannah pointed at her brother, "I'll just tell Carter, I know you're not going to talk anyway- just say Isaac guy , His brain was completely cramped, and he actually wanted to send Brady back."

I blinked, trying to make sense of what Hannah had just said.I looked at Isaac: "What are you?"

"Yes, you heard that right," she replied in his place, "that's the stupidest, most vicious, most fucking stupid thing I've ever heard." She strode to the front door. "You think you can handle everything without me and Brady, Isaac? Well, good luck on your trip to the grocery store," she growled, before slamming the door behind her .

Isaac tried not to care, but I could tell he was hurt.He was quiet for a long time before saying, "I'm sorry about what happened just now."

"Isaac, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said quickly. "We fight every few months. She'll yell, and I'll yell, and we both apologize and make up again."

I nodded, although I didn't quite believe what he said. "What did she mean? You want to send Brady back?"

His shoulders slumped, and then he sighed, "I said I haven't decided anything yet."

I shook my head, "So why on earth are you thinking about such a thing?"

Isaac frowned. "Can we not discuss this, please?"

He was obviously devastated by the argument he had just had with Hannah, but I didn't change the subject: "Isaac, I think we need to talk about this."

He gritted his teeth, "But I don't want to talk about it."

I took a deep breath and reminded myself to stay calm so we could discuss this sensibly. "Isaac, if we're each other's boyfriends, or partners, then we need to talk about this," I said softly.Then I thought, maybe I should start. "Are we a couple, Isaac?" I asked, "Do you still want to stay with me?"

"Yes," he said, nodding.He held out his hand, looking for mine, so I slipped my fingers between his.He smiled. "Yes, that's exactly what I want."

"That's what I want, Isaac," I told him. "I want to be with you."

He squeezed my hand. "But that doesn't mean we have to agree on everything."

"I don't expect us to agree on everything," I replied. "In fact, I like discussing things with you. But it means we need to be open and honest with each other."

He fell silent again, and then he sighed. "I'm sorry about Sunday. We had such a good weekend and I ruined it. I'm sorry."

"Isaac," I said softly, "that's part of the problem. You're always throwing tantrums, losing control, saying hurtful things, and then apologizing and hoping things will be okay."

He nodded, but said nothing.

"You know, last weekend was supposed to be great," I said, playing with his fingers. "You hit me," I said softly, "it was amazing, and then we went hiking all day and it was perfect. I was like 'Wow, man, I can imagine myself in the future I've spent my whole life with you' and then you turn around and silence me because of a comment about Brady."

I tightened his hand. "You keep pulling me closer and pushing me away, Isaac. And frankly, I'm running out of enthusiasm."

His eyebrows frowned: "You know, you're not perfect either."

I smiled. "I know I'm not perfect."

"You snore in your sleep."

I snorted in protest, "I snore?"

He nodded. "yes."

I shook my head at his attempt to sway me. "I didn't expect you to be perfect, Isaac."

He snorted mockingly, "You're in luck, then, you know, because I'm blind."

"Hey, that's not fair," I said, squeezing his hand again. "I never cared about that, and you know that."

He nodded, then sighed, "Yes, I know. You've always been good with my blindness."

"It's just part of who you are," I told him. "It doesn't define who you are."

"Carter, I'm not just battling blindness," he murmured.Isaac fell silent, and then he frowned: "I've been in therapy for years to deal with... some aftereffects from the accident. The death of my mother, and then my father. I know I'm emotionally connected. There's something wrong with me. Maybe I need to go back and see my therapist. I'm sure Hannah won't object to it."

"Isaac, you don't need to see a therapist, you just need to talk to me," I said, squeezing his hand in both of my own, "and Hannah. You just need to say what's bothering you, don't Keep them all to yourself. Because when you finally speak, it's always something that doesn't mean what you say."

He nodded, then said softly, "I know. I didn't mean to say those words."

"I know, baby." I leaned in and kissed the side of his head, "Come and talk to me." Then I strike while the iron is hot, and turn the topic back to Brady, "Isaac, you said Brady What do you mean by going back?"

He withdrew his hand from mine and placed it on his lap. "I haven't decided anything yet," he said softly, "but maybe it's best if I go talk to Guide Dogs and say we don't get along well..."

My heart tightened all of a sudden, "Isaac, don't be like this..."

He shrugged. "You're right. I wasn't being fair to it."

I sat on my side so I was facing him and holding his hands. "You're not being fair to yourself," I told him. "Please don't make any hasty decisions just because you're angry with me or Hannah."

"It's not about that," he replied, "I just don't think I'm ready for another dog."

"No, you're ready," I said firmly, "Isaac, I know you love it. I know you do. You just have to let yourself accept that. You're a really good team ...I've seen you two on hikes. I've seen you two work together. You really work together."

He shrugged nonchalantly, but said nothing.

"So you and Hannah fought over this?"

"Yes," he admitted.Then he shrugged again. "At the end of the day, it's not your decision, or Hannah's. It's my decision."

"You're making a bad decision," I told him. "Brady loves you."

He raised his chin defiantly, "Like I said before, I haven't decided yet."

"If you allow yourself to love me, why can't you love it?" asked.

Isaac didn't answer.

I shook my head.Here we go again, Isaac has become this unreasonable look again.Not sure if I've resolved anything, I sighed, "Isaac, I have to go. Mark came to see me today. He came here on a last-minute basis. He just came here this morning. I told him I didn't Will be here for a long time."

"Oh." he murmured.

I hesitated to leave him, "Are you okay?"

"Carter, I'm fine," he said.

God, I can't treat him like someone who can't take care of himself.I run my hands through his hair. "Are you sure you and Hannah will have no problems?" I asked. "How are you going to work tomorrow?"

"I'll call her later, when she calms down," he said softly, "if not, I can take the bus."

I shook my head, thankful that he couldn't see how frustrated, angry, and disappointed I was. "Isaac, call me if you need any help."

He nodded. "I'm fine."

"Isaac—"

"I don't need a wet nurse!" he cut me off sharply.

I sighed, "Look, that's it. When you speak ill at each other, the conversation can only be stopped."

"Then don't treat me like a child."

"Then you don't act like a child." I got up and put a little distance away from him. "Isaac, you're not a child and you don't need to be held in your hands. But blindness means your health and safety are compromised, not because you don't have that ability. It's two different things. I worry It's because I care about you."

I bowed slightly in front of him, took his hands and said, "Isaac, I love you, but I can't stand your tantrum any longer. Understand? I love you, Isaac, never It's going to change. But I'm going home now, and I think it might be better if I don't come over until the weekend. But I'd still like to call you every night, okay?"

He frowned lowly, "Why?"

"Because I hope we can learn to confide in each other, discuss together, have a proper conversation, and talking on the phone is a good way to start. Besides, I want to hear your voice, because when we don't have the daily chat At that time, I missed you very much."

He gave me a small smile, "Okay."

I leaned in and kissed him softly. "Now with Brady, if Hannah doesn't drive you to work, you guys taking the bus to work together might give you a good chance to test how well you two work together. Would you like to try it for me ?"

He was silent, but then nodded.His voice said softly, "Maybe."

I smile.Maybe.It's not an exact yes answer, but for Isaac it might be a good start.I kissed him sweetly.

"I should go," I told him, "but please promise me that you will call me if you need anything."

***

"How are you and Isaac?" Mark asked me from the couch.He slumped there—as if the couch belonged to him—and stroked Missy, who was sprawled in front of him.

I put the pizza on the coffee table, then slump onto the other couch with a sigh. "It's ok. We agree that he's a really difficult guy, and I snore, and we really need more communication, and we're willing to work on that."

"That's nice, isn't it?" he asked. "Any questions?"

He really knows me. "He's considering sending Brady back, claiming they didn't get along."

Mark sat up and looked at me, "His what?"

I lay my head back on the couch and sigh, "He just needs to realize what a great dog Brady is. How perfect they work together."

Mark frowned, "Then what do you think will make him realize this?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

Unfortunately, after two days, we found this answer.