lose

Chapter 10

April 2011

Tong Yanxing

After receiving that call, I began to feel that I could think about it, and I also began to feel that I should face all this calmly.

Because everything I've been through, the one I love, isn't a dream, it's not a fantasy, but it's not just a memory either.

He will always live in my heart!

Changes are often sudden, when the person we think about may have become very vague, when everything we have experienced really becomes a story, it is a story that can be told to others after dinner...

I still think about Zhanning every day, I still love him very much, and he will always be the one I love.

But I will not seek death easily, I think I should do something...

Something I won't regret myself.

I decided to leave S City and travel around the world with Zhanning.

That day I once again knelt down in front of my parents and apologized to them. I felt that I might not have time to serve them again in this life, and let them enjoy the life of their sons and daughters.

My parents didn't say anything, just patted me on the shoulder and nodded wordlessly.

Yan An said: "Don't worry, parents will leave it to me!"

I can only thank Yan An in my heart.

I also know that I am very unfilial, but... instead of remembering Zhanning in this city, I might as well go out and have a look, Zhanning must be very happy.

Before leaving, I went to Zhanning's house.But I didn't go in. I just watched my uncles and aunts come out of a supermarket from a distance. They bought a lot of things, but they could all hold them. Their expressions have improved a lot.

Then I drove to Zhanyu's school again.

Zhanyu was still the same, more silent than before, and there was no smile on his face.

He studied harder.

Zhan Ning told me that he really wanted to go to the physics department of S University.Now Zhanyu...it should be to realize his dream!

I no longer worry about my uncles and aunts.

I think, they have Zhanyu, an outstanding son, as long as they support each other, they will be able to overcome this difficulty one day.

Everyone will not have only one chance to make a choice in his life.Every new choice means a new life.

Of course I wish I could still have him, but for me, Zhanning's request is the first thing I consider.

Somehow, he prevented my suicide. From that moment on, I knew that I needed a different way to remember him and commemorate him.

In this way, I am the one worthy of his love, and the one worthy of his love!

Zhanning really wanted to go out for a walk, I thought, this is my task!

I will take him all over the world.

I want the whole world, every corner, to have the two of us...

such……

I didn't really lose him...

☆、Extra story—Xiao Zhanyu

April 2015

Xiao Zhanyu

My name is Xiao Zhanyu, I am 21 years old, and I live in S city.Now I am a third-year student in the Physics Department of S University.

My family is very ordinary, my parents are very ordinary people, and I am the only child in the family.

Of course it doesn't mean I'm an only child.I also had an older brother who died of leukemia five years ago.

There was a wedding on the day my brother died.

With the man who loves him the most in his life!

Yes, man!

His name is Tong Yanxing, and he is four years older than his brother, but he is a gentle man like jade.

He used his life to love my brother.

I am actually very happy that there is such a person who can accompany my brother in his most painful time until the end of his life.

I have admired my brother since I was a child.He is very well-behaved, very obedient, has good grades, and treats me very well.

It's just because he's relatively quiet, he doesn't always say how good he is to me in person, he just secretly helps me do everything behind my back and paves the way for me.

I remember when I was in junior high school, some people in the school blackmailed me and a few classmates to beat me without paying. I almost went home with injuries every day.

Later my elder brother found out, he didn't say anything, he just went out alone, and came back almost in the evening, but he was full of scars.

I was very worried, but my brother said: "Don't worry, they won't trouble you any more!"

I was fine, but because my brother was injured, my father thought he had done something bad and punished him to kneel for a whole day. When he got up, his knees were bruised and purple.

Not long after I returned to school, I heard the news that the group of unscrupulous students who threatened us fought with others and entered the school. Later, the school found out that they were blackmailing students in private, and all of them were expelled from school.

At that moment, I realized that my brother went to fight them for me.

I can hardly imagine that a quiet brother can beat up a few bad guys like this!

It would be a lie to say that I am not moved.Since then, I have admired my brother even more!

However, in his third year of high school, he contracted leukemia...

At that time, I was just in the first year of high school. When my peers finished the college entrance examination and obtained the university entrance qualification certificate, my brother had to stay in the hospital and receive various treatments.

He's unhappy, and I know it.

My brother probably doesn't care much about life and death in his heart. What he cares about is whether my parents and I can live a good life after he dies.

Every time I see him like this, I really want to say, can I live for us!

The truth is, he didn't hear me.On the contrary, his seemingly dead heart was revived by a man!

I am very happy, really happy!

At that time, I naively thought that as long as my brother had the idea of ​​living, he would be able to live!

but……

"Zhanyu, Zhanyu!!" A pair of hands slapped my shoulder fiercely, "Xiao! Zhan! Yu!"

I immediately came back to my senses and looked at the culprit—my good friend, Tong Lin.

Tong Lin carelessly pushed me out of the laboratory, and locked the door by the way. I was confused.

"Why did you forget?" Tong Lin looked at me helplessly and said, "Our high school seniors, Han Yue and Gong Ning, are here to give a lecture today!"

Han Yue, Gong Ning?

Oh, I remembered!

In high school, two seniors who confessed to coming out in front of the whole school.Back then, the dean was so angry that he scolded them, saying that they would definitely not be successful.

However, now, one is a successful entrepreneur, and the other is known as the youngest and most accomplished musician...

No matter how you look at it, it fits perfectly!

Of course, in that lecture, they didn't hide it at all, which won the favor of everyone.In particular, the rise in recent years...

Rotten girls!

Tong Lin and I sat in the middle and watched Han Yue, a young entrepreneur from S City, give a speech on it. As we watched, our thoughts drifted away.

In 2011, one year after my brother passed away, I heard that Yan Xing participated in a photography competition and used my brother's photos.

However, on the day when the results of the competition came out, Brother Yanxing took his belongings and left...

No one knows where they went, and no one knows when he will return.I just remember that Brother Yan An gave me and my parents tickets to watch the awards ceremony.

When we came to the competition venue, we saw Brother Yan'an and his uncles and aunts.

We sit together.

The awards ceremony starts with the introduction of the guests and judges, then explains why the competition is held, and ends with a countdown to announce the winners.

When the host finally said "Gold Award Winner, Tong Yanxing", almost at the same time, the photo was played on the big screen.

At that moment, I burst into tears...

The background is very gentle, with warm colors, tall trees, verdant and green, a bench is placed under the tree, and a boy in a blue hospital suit is looking up at the blue sky slightly, with the eyes hanging from the corner of his eyes a teardrop...

The whole picture seems to be floating, as if seeing the memories of the photographer...

It turned out that the first meeting between my brother and the others...was like this?

I glanced at my parents, my father's eyes were a little red, and my mother was already crying.

I am very sad, a brother who has been with me since childhood and cared about me, like the other half of my life, just left this world...

I will never see my brother again...

I can never say to him again, thank you...

Thank you for pampering me so much...

Thank you for always thinking of me...

Thank you for always being by my side...

Brother, if there is a next life, I will definitely be your younger brother!Then, I will act like a baby to you, play tricks on you, and when I do something bad, I can also ask you to help me keep a secret...

Most importantly, I can still say thank you, I love you, brother!

……

"Zhanyu, what's the matter with you?" Tong Lin's cry woke me up again from my memory, he looked at me worriedly, and at this moment I realized that I was crying.

I wiped away the tears, shook my head and said nothing.At this time, the lecture was over, and when Tong Lin and I were about to leave, we were suddenly stopped.

"classmate?"

When I turned around, it was actually Han Yue and Gong Ning.

They came to me and stared at me carefully for a long time before Gong Ning said with a smile: "A Yue, let me just say, you've got the wrong person!"

Han Yue was a little puzzled, but he smiled apologetically at me and said, "Sorry, we recognized the wrong person, you look like a person."

I shook my head and said it was okay, it was Tong Lin who asked quickly: "Does Ayu look like your friend?"

Han Yue smiled slightly, and said: "Actually, we are not friends, we just met once."

Gong Ning nodded and added: "We met that boy in a shopping mall five years ago. At that time, he was with his same-sex lover just like us. Because it felt like meeting a bosom friend, I kept thinking, what if If I can see him again, I want to be friends with him."

I didn't know what to say, at this time Han Yue said to me again: "Seeing that you look so similar to that boy, I thought you were him!"

I smiled and said, "People are just alike."

"By the way," Gong Ning said to Han Yue as if he remembered something, "Isn't there a photo?"

Han Yue suddenly realized, and hurriedly asked me: "We know the picture of that boy."

As soon as I heard the word "photo", my heart began to pound wildly. Could it be that they were talking about...

"That photo seems to have won a gold medal, and it's still hanging in the city's photography hall. I heard it's been five years, and the author hasn't gone to get it back."

"What's the name of that photo...?" My voice was so trembling that even I couldn't hear it clearly.

I couldn't hear what they were saying afterward, because I had already run out and started running down the street.

The school is not far from the city photography hall, and there were not many people there when I ran there.

I saw that picture as soon as I walked in the door.

"Just hang it in the middle, and you'll see it as soon as you go in."

The words of Gong Ning and Han Yue seemed to still be echoing in my ears.

I looked at my brother who had been frozen for five years in the photo and smiled.

"I knew it, it must be this one."

"Brother, because they talked about it, I suddenly wanted to see you, so I ran here."

"Brother, am I stupid?"

I watched silently for a long time, and I didn't come out until the hall was about to close.

The summer night is very cool, and I am in a much better mood when I walk on the road.

By the way, that photo is called

"lose".