Case File Compendium

Chapter 168 You Don't Want Me

Xie Qingcheng was numb for a long time before finally realizing that she was crying.

That feeling is very strange.

He thought slowly, so he still shed tears, didn't he?

His heart was finally full, and the indigestible emotions poured out, which became tears that he didn't want to shed.

So cowardly.

he thinks.

It's so sad.

He is 33 years old, why is a man of this age forced to this point?He doesn't like any label of weakness on himself, he always wants to be a strong elder who can give people infinite trust, but it's just one night, just one night.

It's all ruined.

At this moment, he suddenly felt infinitely tired. He seemed to have walked a long, long way and persisted alone for a long, long time. He wanted to remove all the thorns on this road within a limited time, so that The people he protects can embark on a smooth road after he leaves.

He wants to teach them how to keep going.

With the attitude of a reliable brother.

But in the eyes of the younger generation, he became a homosexual who served others with Israel and shamelessly entangled with boys.

In the eyes of the younger generation, he can be played with at will, a licentious hypocrite.

Xie Qingcheng was hugged by He Yu, and he didn't raise his hand to break away from him. He was calm and terrifying, so calm that He Yu didn't dare to go crazy anymore.In the end, his tears were still wet, and he said almost numbly, "Let go, He Yu."

"...I know you like me, I thought I could control your feelings. I overestimated myself. I didn't pull you up, but fell with you... I should have known you liked me on the day , stay away from your side. I originally thought that I could let you let go slowly, but in fact, I just let you sink deeper and deeper, and gave you unnecessary hopes. "

I even fell into it myself.

"I'm too conceited."

"I made mistakes in judgment time and time again, and hurt you time and time again. I deserve what I deserve when I get to this point."

He Yu shook his head, already sobbing uncontrollably.

Xie Qingcheng slowly rolled his eyes, and his eyes fell on his face, but there was still no focus in his eyes.

"...It seems that after you are with me, you are always more sad than happy. You almost never cried before, but now you always cry in front of me."

He Yu wiped his tears vigorously, and said hoarsely: "No, brother Xie. I... I am very happy every day when I am with you, I..."

"Then are you happy now?"

"..."

"We have to face this day, He Yu." Xie Qingcheng's voice was like a pool of stagnant water, without any waves, "Think about it carefully, I am a divorced man who is 13 years older than you, I've never been gay. I'm..."

He paused for a moment, then gritted his back molars, and struggled to say the words that even he himself had humiliated before.

"I had that relationship with you because I was drunk by you, and I lost my head, and then slowly became what I am today. Do you remember?"

He Yu seemed to have been slapped hard, and immediately couldn't answer anything.

"Do you think I'll accept you?"

Xie Qingcheng said, so dull, so cold, and so broken, he dug out the fragments of his heart, little by little, with blood, and presented them one by one in front of He Yu.

"You know, after I spent that night with you in the clubhouse, I kept having nightmares, and every day I woke up, I felt extremely sick, I'm a man... He Yu, I'm a fucking Man! I didn't send you in because I couldn't bear my face, I'm not gay."

He Yu's eyes were scarlet, but his eye sockets were moist: "Then do you think I am?"

"..."

"Do you think I am, Brother Xie?"

He hugged him and kept asking him this question.

"Do you think I am..."

That voice is so helpless, so humble.

Xie Qingcheng didn't want to hear any more.

He had never thought of revisiting the old score with He Yu before, and he had always held the wounds he had suffered with self-respect, preventing He Yu from seeing his scars and blood.

And now he had to drive him away.

Even though after experiencing so many lives and deaths, he no longer wanted to remember the fault He Yu made because of pouring a wrong glass of wine, but he had to expose those wounds to him and force him to leave.

"Are you?... You are." Finally, Xie Qingcheng slowly propped himself up and sat up. He pushed He Yu away with his hand that could hardly use any strength.

With red eyes, he tidied up his clothes, as if at the same time, tidied up his embarrassment and chaos tonight.

He took a deep breath, and said to him in the calmest and most decisive voice: "I didn't know if you were gay before, but now you are gay, and I am still not."

"What I'm thinking about is that we are all men. There is no emotional relationship between two men even if they sleep... You want to ask me why I slept with you-then I will answer you-I just hugged This kind of self-defeating mentality is paralyzing myself, making mistakes with you again and again. I am fucking confused, not liking you. Do you understand? "

These things he didn't say before, these things he didn't plan to say later, all of them were said now, like a hard kick in the chest of the boy.

After Xie Qingcheng finished speaking, his eyes were also a little red because of the excitement. He stood up, his chest heaved, and he squinted, staring at the boy who was sitting stiffly.

He realized that if he kept saying harmless things and even blamed himself for fear of He Yu getting sick, then He Yu would never give up.

He finally said hoarsely: "Now I've decided to end it. Let's turn the chapter. Will it turn over? Do you want me to teach you by hand?"

He Yu mourned, "Brother..."

"..."

"I can't turn the pages...I really like you...I know we have a lot of bad memories...but can you tell me...is there any way we can do it all over again...is there any way ..."

Xie Qingcheng's expression was so ruthless, but the corners of his eyes were still wet. He looked at He Yu for a while, and said, "...No."

"No more, He Yu. I don't need your compensation and I don't need you to apologize again. I told you about the clubhouse, not for anything, just to remind you that it is impossible for me to fall in love with a man. You If you really feel guilty about that past, I only ask you one thing."

"..."

"From now on, please take care of yourself, don't hurt yourself, don't hurt others, try your best, live well, and be a good person. Then, please - stay away from me as much as possible."

He paused.

"This is the greatest kindness you can give me."

"..."

"Just be quiet for a while."

"……elder brother……"

"I am leaving."

He didn't want to keep this dormitory any more, he was too uncomfortable, and he needed to return to a place that could be called "home" to curl up and heal his injuries.

Although he no longer has parents, his sister will also leave home.

But he still has a small house in Moyu Lane, which is the last place where he can settle down and hide to comfort himself.

After he finished speaking, he opened the door and walked out.

"Thank you brother... Thank you brother!"

He Yu staggered after waking up like a dream, trying to grab his hand.

But Xie Qingcheng looked back at him in the aisle, and he said: "Do you really want to continue to persecute me like this, and persecute yourself as well?"

"..."

"I said we will have this day, He Yu."

"You should let it go."

The moonlight was slanting, he was on one side of the aisle, He Yu was on the other side, and a little moonlight came in through the side window grille.

Xie Qingcheng stared at He Yu for a while, his eyesight was getting blurred day by day, so he couldn't see He Yu's expression clearly even by moonlight.He turned and left.

When he left, his gaze was so tired, so tired, that it became an iron chain covered with thorns, which strangled He Yu's flesh and blood and bound his whole body.

This time, He Yu didn't catch up again.

But when he reached the stairs, He Yu called out: "Xie Qingcheng."

The voice seemed to be full of blood, tired and choked, like the howl of a wolfhound that had gone mad and was at a loss.

Xie Qingcheng closed his eyes and didn't look back. When he walked down the steps, He Yu called again: "Xie Qingcheng!"

The voice was louder than before, and a little more desperate, as if he wanted to make him turn back, even if he only stopped for a while.

Xie Qingcheng seemed to be colder than ice and harder than iron, but he still didn't even give him a half-point.

Xie Qingcheng finally disappeared around the corner. Behind the empty corridor, there was a final voice: "Xie Qingcheng..."

Maybe it was because of the distance. It sounded terrible, like a person who was killed after struggling hard. His blood flowed out, and he became a ghost again. He floated faintly from the dead body with hatred and wounds. stand up.

Xie Qingcheng sealed his heart, like a soulless puppet, completely left this long and empty corridor without looking back.

He is gone.

He Yu lowered his head and curled up slowly, as if he had been stabbed by some blunt object. He suppressed his sobs, hugged himself, and fell down on the dirty doorstep...

My chest hurts badly again.

It really hurt, the kind of pain he had never felt before.

He raised his eyes and looked at Xie Qingcheng's leaving direction, as if even his pupils were red.

"Xie Qingcheng..."

He was trembling, embracing himself, murmuring absently...

He is so uncomfortable, the monitoring tape is completely red, he urgently needs to take medicine...he needs to take medicine...he can't let him look down on...the medicine...the medicine...!

He rushed into Xie Qingcheng's dormitory, wailing heart-piercingly, while trying to restrain himself, he was about to be driven mad by strong emotions.He went to pour water... he took the medicine that he had been carrying with him these days...

He Yu was so devastated that he didn't even notice that behind the pillar he had never seen, there was a person standing all the time, whose expression seemed to be more numb and painful than his——

It's Chen Man.

Chen Man didn't leave.

Because he was worried about Xie Qingcheng, he never left, but hid behind the pillars in the corridor outside the dormitory.So he saw the intense entanglement between them, and heard all the conversations between Xie Qingcheng and He Yu.

Chen Huan stood there with cold hands and feet, as if his soul had been snatched from his body and emptied.

Chen Man looked down at his trembling hands...

Obviously he met it first.

But because of his pure kindness, gentleness, forbearance...all missed...all missed! !

He raised his head, his heart was melted by unwillingness and pain, and his eyes were already blood red.