I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 239 Never Begin

Chapter 239 Never Begin

After Lu Jia gave me this multiple-choice question, my mood has really changed. During the years we have been together, I have imagined the scene of our wedding, maybe because of love, I have always felt that Wearing a wedding dress, she must be the most beautiful woman in the world!

At this moment, she finally talked to me about the topic of marriage. In a momentary trance, she felt that we had not experienced a breakup, but a separation that lasted half a year... In the future, we will continue to work as before, although we work separately, We also eat, go shopping, and watch movies together, and on weekends, she will stay in my rental house. Before going to bed, we will lie on the sofa and watch movies, or have sex.

No, if we really choose to get back together, then I should have a house in Shanghai, and all the memories about the rental house should be completely forgotten.

It wasn't until the roar of a plane flying into the clouds that I came back to my senses, then looked at Lu Jia who was sitting across from me, who was both familiar and unfamiliar, and then lit a cigarette... In the smog, the past six months Every detail of my life in Dali has become clear again. I have been completely reborn, and I don’t want to be a small citizen who is imprisoned in a big city and racks his brains all day long for a job...

I have ambitions and more important responsibilities. My body and even the blood in my body should be free, instead of being swallowed up by cancer cells made of steel concrete and dust in the big city, becoming an old man and living machine.

I finally whispered to Lu Jia: "I don't like to wait, and I can't find the feeling of liking you back then, so I won't look back."

Lu Jia looked at me in bewilderment, her hand tightened her cuff, loosened it, and tightened it again...

She seemed to be holding back, and after a long time, with tears in her eyes, she smiled and said to me: "Mi Gao, do you still remember?... Two years ago, I had an appendicitis operation; at that time, you put down Work, stay with me in the hospital day and night, in order to let me drink delicious soy milk, you get up at five o'clock every morning and go to the time-honored breakfast shop five or six stops away from the hospital to line up... I always thought You took a taxi there, until one day, when it was snowing in Shanghai, and you appeared in front of me with ice slag on your face, carrying breakfast, I didn’t know that you didn’t even want to spend the money for a taxi, but the ones you bought for me were good. A breakfast worth tens of dollars... At that moment, when I saw your red hands, but you untied your scarf and smiled at me, I decided that you would not marry me in this life..."

Lu Jia's emotions were a little out of control, her voice was already choked, and she said, "But after having this idea, I still chose to break up with you... It turns out that people really change, so why should I ask for it?" Are you the same?"...Let's go, I won't pester you anymore, I'll just think about why such a relationship has become what it is now...Is it because of who among us did something wrong , or human nature. "

I didn't say a word, but my heart was very sad. Lu Jia was right, not only her, I also had the belief that we should not marry her at a certain moment, but we were still changed by time after all.

"Mi Gao, I hope that the changes between us will not happen to you and her. I sincerely hope that you can go on forever... You go, this time I will watch you go!"

I pondered for a while, and then said in a low voice: "...Okay, before I leave, I will give you back the room fee you paid...give me a QR code for payment."

"I want cash."

"Then wait a moment, I'll go get it for you."

There was an ATM outside the hotel. I took out 1 yuan in cash from it, and then counted 400 yuan and gave it to Lu Jia.

I thought I would relax because of this, but the moment I turned around to leave, my heart felt like it was stabbed... Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, I don't know what kind of Lu Jia will be on the plane Mood.

But I know that when she came, she must have been looking forward to it, thinking that we could still kiss and hug for love and cry for reunion like before.

I couldn't help but look back at her again, her eyes were the same as when I stood on the 19th floor and watched her leave that rainy night.

……

After driving all night, I didn’t dare to take the risk of driving back to Dali, so not long after getting on the expressway, I stopped in a county town near Kunming and booked a room...because the county town is relatively small For this reason, there is no ban on setting off fireworks and firecrackers, so when I was lying on the bed, the sound of explosions came from all around, my head was buzzing, and then I felt that I was in a bad state, I was too I want to sleep, but I can't fall asleep no matter what... Especially when I close my eyes, I always look like Lu Jia, and the past that I haven't completely forgotten...

Yes, I love Lu Jia, but for some reasons, I lost the idea of ​​being with her.

As for Ye Zhi, it's more about liking, if you say strong love, it hasn't reached that level yet...

Although I am very confused at the moment, this is the only judgment I can make soberly, because in my view of love, love must be experienced together before it is called love, such as daily necessities, such as a red-faced quarrel, For example, he wanted to buy a gun to kill her, but on the way to buy the gun, he bought her favorite cake, and then forgot about buying the gun.

Obviously, there is nothing between me and Ye Zhi...so, it's just liking, affection, and the urge to be together...

But is this impulse reliable?

This is the first time I asked myself; or, I don't want to get back together with Lu Jia, is it really because this urge to be with Ye Zhi overcomes everything?

No, this is my choice in life... And behind the impulse, I am still afraid of the huge gap between myself and Ye Zhi.I especially wish there was a little leeway between us so I could bury this fear.

This emotion gradually evolved in my heart, and then became a desire for career...

I seem to be more sober, and I realize that what I need most now is not a love with a gap, but a career that can really give me the confidence to face the world.

I have a very clear choice in my heart, I can't choose to start with Ye Zhi quickly just because I chose to give up the relationship with Lu Jia... This is not my best state, because there is not only extreme tension between me and Ye Zhi There is a huge gap, and I can't immediately forget Lu Jia like a Buddha, and forget the choice that hit the depths of my soul this time.

I am not a pure me, and all impurity is disrespect and blasphemy to Ye Zhi. I am even more worried that Ye Zhi's choice at this time is also due to an immature impulse. One day she is tired of After that, I will regret my choice today, and then separate from me. Instead of having that day, why not give the other party a little space and leeway before it starts?

……

I finally took out the phone from my hand, respected my inner thoughts, and sent Ye Zhi a message: "I've made up my mind and I have a choice, let's give each other some space and leeway... If a year later, we still like Now that I feel that I must be with each other, it must be a mature and reliable love."

I thought that Ye Zhi would understand what I meant and come back with a message soon, but this time, I waited for a long time but still didn't get it, and as time went by, my heart began to feel uneasy, so I didn't feel sleepy anymore.

After lighting a cigarette and sitting on the bed for a long time, I finally waited for Ye Zhi's reply.

"Did you say the same to Lu Jia? During this year, you can hold us back, and while enjoying the feeling of being loved, you can slowly weigh between us... If that's the case, then I'm sorry, I I can't wait, and I can't cooperate... What I want is not a love full of trade-offs. Instead of suffering after starting, it's better never to start..."

Ye Zhi's information seems to have bombarded my head, I seem to have offended her scales, and my previous judgment was not wrong, a woman as outstanding as her really can't hold a grain of sand in her eyes, and I am a pile of sand...

I suddenly felt very tired, and my mentality changed... It seems that I will never be able to meet Ye Zhi's requirements in my whole life, or I need to carefully maintain this unsymmetrical love, and then I will be enslaved by love.

But I forgot to self-examine. When I told Ye Zhi this decision, did I hurt her sincerity towards me? Although what I said was right, I chose the wrong time and used the wrong time. way of expression.

People, when it comes to love, they are always prone to wild thoughts, sensitive and fragile, and Ye Zhi and I, two seemingly mature and stable people, are not immune to this.

So, I didn't choose to explain, and then replied emotionally: "I don't like a love full of doubts either... If you think I'm wrong, then never start... Anyway, we I am not from the same world, and I can’t feel that I can eat the same rice and live the same life just because of that little favor.”

(End of this chapter)