sleep in your heart

Chapter 40

A loving kiss should smell like roses, or the white rabbit toffee I ate when I was a child.

However, the kiss sent by Zheng Zhi made You Zeyi feel bitter. He thought of the pungent smell of traditional Chinese medicine that wafted from an unknown house in the community a long time ago, on a certain afternoon after school.

He felt bitter, not because he didn't like this kiss, on the contrary, he liked it so much that he trembled when he greeted it.

You Zeyi now spends every day cautiously, worrying about gains and losses, because he has lost too much, so much that there is very little left in his hands.

No home, no education, no future, no life.

All he has is the last layer of face, the last bit of dignity, and the heart that is secretly attached to Zheng Zhi.

At the age of 19, You Zeyi clung to Zheng Zhi like a growing tree like a vine. He leaned on him to absorb nutrients and let himself go higher and higher. If Zheng Zhi was not by his side at the beginning, It was impossible for You Zeyi to stand in that position and look at the distance that he didn't dare to reach.

27-year-old You Zeyi has nothing, his life is covered by dark clouds, and he is afraid of dragging others into the mud. He still misses Zheng Zhi, but the more he misses, the clearer it is that keeping a distance is the best way to love him.

You Zeyi still pushed Zheng Zhi away, after so many years, he felt that Zheng Zhi seemed to be taller than when he was 18 years old.

"I'm hungry." You Zeyi said, "What did you do? Are you getting cold?"

He was suddenly pushed away again, and Zheng Zhi suddenly became nervous, for fear that this guy would leave. Now he was relieved to hear him say that, smiled and hugged the person in front of him lightly, then took his hand and led him away. Walking to the living room: "I cook the porridge. It is said that you can't eat too exciting food after finishing that. It's better to be clear porridge."

Hearing Zheng Zhi say "finish that thing", You Zeyi blushed immediately.

The details of the night before, the more he didn't want to remember them, the more they kept circling in his mind. The hand held by Zheng Zhi was already sweating, and he almost had the same hands and feet when he walked.

Arriving at the edge of the sofa, Zheng Zhi stopped You Ze as soon as he was about to sit down: "Wait!"

Zheng Zhi let go of his hand, went back to the room and took a blanket, folded it a few times, and put it on the sofa: "Sit down."

"...You don't need to be like this." The more caring Zheng Zhi was, the more shy You Zeyi became, not only shy, but also a little sad.

Such tenderness is just for him to stay for a moment, he can't drag Zheng Zhiye into the abyss desperately to satisfy his own desire.It is enough to have him alone.

"I'm fine." You Zeyi pretended to be relaxed, "It's not the first time for me."

Zheng Zhi's hand holding the bowl stopped in mid-air, and he felt a chill down his back for a moment, and it took him a while to recover.

He told himself that this was normal, that they were all at this age, and it was normal for them to have sex, regardless of gender.

He hypnotized himself repeatedly, but he still felt a little regretful in his heart. His regret was not that You Zeyi had a relationship with someone else, but that he had missed him for so many years.

"You..." Zheng Zhi tried his best to word, and asked in a way that would not arouse the other party's disgust as much as possible, "Have you ever been in a relationship before?"

As soon as You Ze lowered his eyes, he knew that what he said just now was a little too much, let alone a lie, even if it was true, it was very inappropriate.

He just stabbed Zheng Zhi's heart with a knife.

Until now, You Zeyi still thinks that Zheng Zhi was just a whim, and what happened last night was just to make up for the ambiguity that failed to continue in middle school, and it can be regarded as an explanation for this vague relationship.

The past is just a momentary impulse. After experiencing the stimulation, it is the gradual sobriety.

He didn't think that Zheng Zhi still had the kind of affection between lovers to him now. How could this person, who stood so tall and had seen so many outstanding men and women, still have his own place in his eyes.

Who is he?

It's just a security guard who doesn't even fit his uniform, a trash who didn't graduate from college and was expelled.

You Zeyi didn't want to admit it, but he had to admit that he was so inferior in front of Zheng Zhi that he didn't dare to look at him directly.

"Well," You Zeyi said, "I've talked about it a little bit, and a little bit, it's not considered a relationship."

What can he do?Is there any way to keep Zheng Zhi away from him as quickly as possible?

It is nothing more than pouring a bucket of dirty water on oneself, and clean people will naturally scoff and avoid it.

Sure enough, Zheng Zhi put the bowl of porridge back on the table.

You Ze squeezed out a smile and said to him, "What's wrong?"

Zheng Zhi was silent for a moment, stood up and picked up the bowl at the same time, walking towards the kitchen while saying: "The porridge is cold, I'll go and warm it up for you."

When You Zeyi came home, the leftover soup from the noodles soaked the day before was still on the table. He was in a hurry to go to work at that time, so he originally planned to come back to clean up at night.

What he made was the Sanxian Yi noodles packaged in a yellow bag that he ate when he was a child. When he was in school, sometimes his mother had no time to cook him breakfast, so she would cook a pack of Sanxian Yi noodles and put a poached egg in it.

In fact, he couldn't remember whether the taste was the same as it is now, but when he saw it in the supermarket, he subconsciously bought it.

This thing is just like a person, he is not sure if Zheng Zhi is still the same as before, but when they meet again, he will still be instantly attracted to him.

He lives in a three-bedroom, one-living room shared with others, three bedrooms, and five people live in it. Apart from him, the other two rooms are all young couples.

His room was not too small, but there was no air conditioner in summer and the windows were small, so it was the cheapest of the three rooms.

After he entered the room, he walked to the window, craned his neck and looked out, and saw Zheng Zhi standing downstairs, leaning against the car, smoking a cigarette with his head bowed.

When You Ze saw him like this, he felt uncomfortable, but he couldn't run downstairs to hug that person, because he didn't deserve it.

He doesn't deserve to stand by Zheng Zhi's side, doesn't deserve to have that kind of partner, doesn't deserve to let others suffer with him.

Sometimes You Zeyi would ask himself if he was overly pessimistic when he suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, maybe after leaving the previous world, the people he met in the future would not be so cruel to him.

But after a few seconds, he will deny his idea. He has seen too many devils, so how dare he believe that angels are in the world.

Don't hurt others or yourself, he looked at Zheng Zhi and thought, only after experiencing it can he know how scary the gay world is.

Zheng Zhi's mind was in a mess, and the ashtray in front of him had piled up into a "ash mountain".

Originally, he wanted to take a day off to spend time with You Zeyi, but after eating, You Zeyi wanted to go back to his home, so he had no choice but to send him back.

After sending the person away, I was in such a bad mood that I didn't want to go home and had no other place to go, so I had to come to the company again.

When he was away all morning, the people looking for him lined up. After finishing their work, Zheng Zhi started smoking one cigarette after another.

He thought over You Zeyi's words over and over again, the more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he felt.

Except for You Zeyi, Zheng Zhi has never liked anyone of the same sex, or in other words, for so many years, he has never liked anyone except You Zeyi.

Of course, he had heard long ago how chaotic the gay scene was. It seemed that normal, healthy, and stable partnerships were only a minority, and many people were playing crazy, like "my current boyfriend's ex-boyfriend Ex-boyfriend's current boyfriend's ex-boyfriend is my current boyfriend" This kind of chaotic and incredible relationship is not uncommon, and everyone has long been accustomed to it.

It is always said on the Internet that the transmission rate of AIDS is higher among homosexuals, and he even learned that "big guys" like Foucault also died of AIDS.

Of course, no one can say that everyone in the gay community will get AIDS, but some things are said to be true once they are rumored.

It's annoying, but has to be more cautious.

But Zheng Zhi still doesn't think that You Zeyi is the kind of person whose private life is chaotic. Judging from his understanding of that person, he is a person who will not respond even if others take the initiative to tease him.

Although Zheng Zhi understands that everyone is an adult and certain aspects of desire are inevitable, he believes that the word "promiscuity" can never be associated with You Zeyi.

He didn't believe the other party's words. As for why the other party told this lie, the only explanation was that the man wanted him to stay away from him.

Zheng Zhi was smart since he was a child, and he saw through You Zeyi's clumsy lie, and the motive of You Zeyi's telling this lie made Zheng Zhi feel distressed.

He put out the cigarette butt, went to the bathroom to wash his face, and when he came back, he picked up his mobile phone and called You Zeyi.

You Zeyi was taking a shower, when he heard the phone ringing, he ran out in a panic, for fear of missing any important call.

After meeting Zheng Zhi, he began to look for a new job. He couldn't face the life of having to meet Zheng Zhi every day. He was afraid that one day desire would overcome reason, and he didn't want that.

You Ze came out wrapped in pajamas, and the clothes on his body were wet before he had time to dry.

He picked up his phone and found that the caller was actually Zheng Zhi.

The phone kept ringing, and You Ze stared at the name, and didn't answer it until the screen went dark.

He put down his phone and was about to go back to the bathroom to continue taking a shower, but just as he walked to the door, the phone rang again.

Zheng Zhi called You Zeyi several times but didn't answer, he gave a helpless "tsk", knowing that the person must have done it on purpose.Looking at the time, there are still two hours before get off work.

Zheng Zhi sorted out the work at hand, packed up his things, and left early, which was rare.

He drove to the supermarket first, bought some fruit and nutritional products, and then went straight to You Ze's house.

When Zheng Zhi sent You Zeyi back, he just parked the car downstairs. The other party didn't tell him which floor or number he lived in. Zheng Zhi had no choice but to continue to make calls downstairs.

He had never treated anyone so patiently, since childhood, You Zeyi was the only one.

Back then, I patiently gave him lectures, but now I patiently wait downstairs and call him over and over again.

Zheng Zhi suddenly thought, as expected, one thing is one thing, who would have thought that I, a young talent, would be predestined by a small security guard like this?

Destiny is so interesting.

The author has something to say: I'm sorry, I miscalculated with my fingers, and the calculator told me that if there are double updates every day, I still need 14.5 days to finish.