The last time to say I love you

Chapter 50 What should he do, he misses Xu Zhisheng

The lights in the emergency room came on, and Gao Lv stood there looking haggard and somewhat inexplicably embarrassed. Jiang Yefan sat on the stool and looked at Gao Lv and Song Yan motionlessly.

Song Yan looked at Gao Lu and asked, "Xiao Lu? What's going on?"

Gao Lu looked back at Song Yan in a daze, and looked at Song Yan in a daze:

"depression……"

Song Yan was stunned for a moment and asked uncertainly: "Depression?"

Gao Lv nodded and fell silent.

Song Yan is a psychiatrist who knows the seriousness of depression. Apart from its own diseases and external diseases, the death rate of depression is no less than that of other diseases.

Depression, one of the top ten intractable diseases, ranks among the top four in the world.

Patients with depression are more difficult than patients with cancer. Cancer patients at least have the desire to live, while depression patients do not even have the desire to live.

These people are often the most difficult to cure, and they are often the most distressing.

Everyone who suffers from depression is the most difficult to control their emotions. There are good times and bad times, and the tears come inexplicably. When they are sick, they are more difficult. They usually hurt themselves and rarely hurt others. They bear all the pain. in the bottom of my heart.

Keep everything in mind, things are too much, even a small straw can crush them like endangered camels.

No one knows which event will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Reasonable depression patients say that they are like gods, and they want to die if they say it badly.

Hovering on the edge of life and death like a walking corpse.

Rational depressed patients are stuck in the light and the abyss because they have obsessions that they cannot let go of.

"Notify his family to come over."

Gao Lv's head was drowsy, his tone was a little tired, and his whole person seemed to be offline:

"Brother, shall we wait until Zhisheng wakes up?"

Song Yan was a little annoyed: "Little law, this is not a joke, depression is not as simple as you think! He must be taken to a regular hospital by his parents for treatment."

"I know...I know...I will persuade him, I will persuade him."

Gao Lv's mind is blank now. He is not a psychiatrist, nor has he ever had depression. He just heard about it. He doesn't know how serious depression is. He just knows that he can't make decisions carelessly for Xu Zhisheng.

Every time something happened, Xu Zhisheng didn't seem to tell his family. Even last time, he lied perfunctorily to his family members in front of him. Once his family was brought out, Xu Zhisheng always made Xu Zhisheng compromise. He didn't know why Xu Zhisheng kept it from him. He only knew that he was not qualified to intervene in things that even Xu Zhisheng kept a secret.

In fact, he was even more afraid that Xu Zhisheng would be driven crazy if he hastily notified his parents for him...

Song Yan looked at Gao Lu's lost soul and didn't know what to say for a moment. How could Gao Lu know the dangers of depression when he was young? Song Yan stretched out his hand and touched Gao Lu's head and whispered softly:

"Xiao Li, let's stop messing around, okay? Give me his family number, and I'll call."

Before Gao Lv could speak, the cell phone in his hand rang. Gao Lv was even a little thankful for the timely call.

"Brother, I'll answer the phone first."

Gao Li walked to the stairwell with his mobile phone, glanced at the strange number displayed on the screen of the mobile phone, hesitated for a while, and pressed the connection button.

The other party was a mellow middle-aged man's voice, and the moment he opened his mouth, it was clearly the head teacher of Xu Zhisheng.

"Yes, teacher, don't worry, Xu Zhisheng is with me, I'm with him now."

At first, Gao Lv was a little surprised how Xu Zhisheng's class teacher knew his number, but after thinking about it, he figured out that the teachers should all be in touch.

Xu Zhisheng's class teacher asked him who Xu Zhisheng was and emphasized that he should listen to Xu Zhisheng's words, Gao Lv perfunctory.

"I'm his friend. He fell asleep. When he wakes up tomorrow, I'll ask him to call you back."

The teacher in charge who had been perfunctory for a while hung up the phone in doubt.

After Xu Zhisheng's homeroom teacher hung up the phone, he couldn't keep up his spirits. Looking at the application form for class transfer that was missing the student's signature on the desktop, he felt even more depressed.

Most of the depression was about Xu Zhisheng, and he couldn't forget about Xu Zhisheng in his heart, so he lost sleep gorgeously.

After Gao Lu hung up the phone, he turned his head to look out the window at the already dark sky and returned to the operating room with some powerlessness. Gao Lu ignored Song Yan and sat next to Jiang Yefan.

Song Yan wanted to ask why Gao Lv was preemptive, and his voice was full of exhaustion while holding his head:

"Brother, don't ask... I'm a little tired."

Song Yan also knew that Gao Lv obviously didn't want to discuss this issue, and wanted to say something but couldn't say it.

After a long time, Song Yan sat down beside Gao Lu and took out a cigarette from his pocket. He took out the lighter and was about to light it, but Jiang Yefan, who was sitting on the other side of Gao Lu, grabbed the cigarette.

Jiang Yefan looked at Song Yan and whispered, "This is a hospital."

Song Yan is a little addicted to cigarettes, and he feels a little annoyed when he has no cigarettes, especially now that he feels awkward in this situation, he never imagined that the three of them would sit together so awkwardly one day.

Jiang Yefan felt very uncomfortable seeing Gao Lu like this. Although he usually talked a lot, he was really not good at comforting others, so he gave Song Yan a look for help.

How could Song Yan have been so stimulated? When he saw Jiang Yefan's pleading eyes, his ears turned red and his body felt inexplicably hot. He covered his mouth and looked to the other side, not daring to look at Jiang Yefan again. .

idiot.

Song Yan couldn't help muttering in his heart, his heart was pounding, and his blood was boiling.

But it's so cute.

Seeing Song Yan's reaction, Jiang Yefan couldn't help frowning, and there was an unknown anger in his heart. What does Song Yan mean by turning around?Didn't you see the naked cry for help in his eyes?

Jiang Yefan watched Song Yan for dozens of seconds without turning around, so he began to think about how to comfort Gao Lv.

Just when he thought about it, he saw Song Yan reaching out to touch Gao Lv's head.

Gao Lv lowered his head and kept looking at the floor, feeling extremely guilty in his heart, already blaming himself for why he wanted to expose Xu Zhisheng's wound.

The more he thought about it, the more uncomfortable he felt, and the more he thought about it, the more frightened he was.

Suddenly felt someone touching his head and said to him:

"Little law, don't worry, you've done a good job."

There was a sudden soreness in the nasal cavity, and finally he couldn't hold on anymore. He turned around and hugged Song Yan, who was speaking, with a slight choke.

"Brother... I didn't do it on purpose... I really didn't expect this to happen..."

Gao Lu was trembling in Song Yan's arms, tears rolling in his eyes.

Song Yan was shocked, and he found that Gao Lv was afraid.

Jiang Yefan was also stunned, he hadn't seen Gao Lv like this for a long time.

Song Yan patted Gao Lv's back lightly and his tone softened a bit:

"What nonsense, brat?"

"It's really useless, brother."

It's really useless, I can't do what I said, and I always expose other people's scars by myself, easily trample on Xu Zhisheng's dignity, and force him to think of the past that he didn't want to mention.

Song Yan listened to Gao Lu's uncomfortable words for a long time, and couldn't stop his emotions until Xu Zhisheng was pushed out of the operating room by the doctor.

At that moment, Song Yan was like this Gao Lv fell on the thin boy lying on the hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask this time.

The next day, when Li Su opened his eyes, it was already dawn, and the glare of the sun made him a little uncomfortable.

After adapting to the light, Li Su got up immediately, clutching his aching head and looking around.

No matter how you look at the decoration, it looks like the gorgeous decoration of a hotel. When he turned his head, he saw Lin Han lying beside him and Xiao Nan who had rolled to the floor.

Li Su kicked Lin Han down mercilessly, and then Lin Han was woken up by the sudden kick, and also woke up Xiao Nan who had rolled to the floor.

Xiao Nan opened his eyes in pain and exclaimed, "It hurts to death."

Lin Han grasped the edge of the bed with one hand and supported the floor with the other, got up from Xiaonan, and kept muttering:

"Hey, my waist... which bastard..."

Li Su ignored Lin Han and searched all over the bedside table for pillows, but couldn't find what he was looking for. He was a little displeased and stretched out his hand towards Lin Han, with a magnetic hoarse voice that had just woken up.

"Where's the phone?"

Lin Han rubbed his waist and was still a little confused: "What mobile phone?"

Looking at Li Su's gloomy picture, he suddenly remembered what happened last night: "I seem to have forgotten it in the box."

Yesterday, when he helped Xiao Nan to clean up and came back, he also forgot to look for Li Su's mobile phone. After drinking for a while, he broke up and took a taxi to the hotel, and then he couldn't remember it.

"Forgot the box?"

In an instant, the air seemed to freeze, and the temperature was as cold as an ice cellar.

Feeling that the atmosphere was not right, Xiao Nan couldn't care about the pain in his body, got up from the floor and quickly smoothed things over:

"Brother Su, don't be angry, I drank too much yesterday so I forgot about it, I'll get someone to send you the latest model later."

There was a chill in Li Su's dark eyes and he refused: "No."

don't want!He doesn't want anything, all he needs is his phone.

Li Su couldn't tell what he cared about, he was inexplicably afraid that he really lost his only way of contacting that person.

Xu Zhisheng only knew his phone number, and if he lost the card, he would never be able to get it back.

Li Su hated Xu Zhisheng's betrayal in his own way for more than a year. He should be happy to see Xu Zhisheng's embarrassed appearance, but every time it made him irritated for a long time.

He just wanted to make Xu Zhisheng unable to laugh in front of him, just to see what life would be like without him, and to see who among them could not survive without him.

He cut off any contact with Xu Zhisheng, and changed many mobile phones, but he has always refused to change the phone card, and refused to block Xu Zhisheng.

He played by watching and bullying Xu Zhisheng from the second year of high school to the third year of high school. Recently, he seems to be tired of playing it, and he finds it meaningless. It can be seen that he can't help hating and insulting Xu Zhisheng when he sees Xu Zhisheng.

But why did Xu Zhisheng go out with Gao Li again when he didn't hate him that much?

Why did he hate him so much when he felt a little guilty about him.

Xu Zhisheng acted like he was infatuated, but he believed it like a fool.

"Okay, okay, you drank too much yesterday, Li Su, and you are injured again, go to sleep first, and I will find it for you."

Lin Han felt that Li Su was a little abnormal and usually changed his mobile phone frequently, what happened today?Lin Han didn't think much about it, and walked towards the door with his back on his back, scolding Li Su, a bastard, for being cruel.

Lin Han seemed to remember something again and glanced back at Li Su at the door:

"By the way, an unfamiliar number called you last night. You were too sleepy to wake up. I answered."

Li Su's heart skipped a beat and he was a little excited: "Unfamiliar number?"

He didn't block Xu Zhisheng or give Xu Zhisheng a note, could it be him?

Last time he called him by mistake, why didn't he answer?Will it be Xu Zhisheng this time?

"Well, but I don't know who it is, I can only hear a slight cry, it's too noisy to hear what the other party said."

Li Su woke up a lot when he heard Lin Han's words, so he grabbed the shirt stacked on the counter and ran towards the door with big strides, no matter how much Lin Han shouted, he didn't stop.

cry?who?who!

"Brother Lin, what's wrong with Brother Su?"

Xiao Nan touched the painful place on his body and looked at Lin Han standing in front of the door with a confused expression.

Why did Li Su hear something wrong when he heard the crying?

"Maybe it's about his ex-girlfriend Yu Weiwei. They had a falling out recently."

Lin Han agreed in his heart that the crying was from Yu Weiwei. After all, they had a falling out not long ago. Girls, after breaking up, they will always cry and fight for several days.

Xiao Nan threw herself on the bed, hugged the quilt and buried her face in the quilt, a little carelessly:

"What's the big deal so urgent? Isn't it a woman? Are you afraid you won't find it? Ah, I'm so sleepy, no bro, I'll sleep a little longer."

Lin Han looked at Xiao Nan outside and inside the door and didn't know what to do for a while. After thinking about it, it was no big deal. Li Su was no longer a child. Then he closed the door and lay down on the bed and fell asleep again.

Li Su got out of the taxi and went to the bar last night. The security guards at the door knew Li Su and these young men didn't stop him, and even greeted Li Su.

"Hey, Mr. Li, early, it's not open yet."

Li Su ran inside as if he didn't see them.

Li Su yelled like a lunatic: "Brother Ming!"

Brother Ming, who was doing accounts and tidying up the bar, was going to be deafened by the call.

"Stinky boy, what is called a soul? Your brother Ming is not deaf!"

Li Su hurriedly ran to the bar after seeing Brother Ming, with a hasty tone:

"Brother Ming, did you tidy up my things when you tidied up the box we booked yesterday?"

Panting for breath, Li Su ran over unsteadily, and his shirt was unbuttoned.

Fearing that the world would not be chaotic, Brother Ming gently wiped the famous wine on his hand with a silk scarf:

"Yes, what's wrong?"

Li Su was a little excited and stretched out his hand towards Brother Ming. Brother Ming cast a glance at Li Su and said calmly:

"What's the brat doing? You come here early in the morning to call for your soul, and you don't have a good attitude when you ask for things. Is this what people should do?"

Although Brother Ming said so, he still took out a mobile phone with a slightly cracked screen from the counter and handed it to Li Su.

"During the cleaning last night, someone cleaned out this phone and sent it to the front desk. I knew it was one of you who lost it. I planned to deliver it to you when I was done with work. I didn't expect to come by myself."

After Li Su got the phone, he turned it on in a hurry, but he couldn't hear what Brother Ming was saying, and when he hurriedly clicked on the recording, his heart was pounding and his hands were trembling because of nervousness, and there was a slight expectation that it was that number.

When the familiar number came into his eyes, Li Su found the source of all his tension, and felt that his whole body was exhausted, and the phone in his hand fell to the ground.

Is it really Xu Zhisheng?Xu Zhisheng called him?Why is Xu Zhisheng crying?And why did he call him?

Li Su's brain circuit went back to the scene where he witnessed Xu Zhisheng hooking up with his own eyes in his sophomore year of high school, a scene that he wanted to forget and never forget.

That day, on Monday, Xu Zhisheng went out to buy him breakfast as usual, and he and Lin Han walked behind when they went out late. Find the voice of Xu.

When going down the teaching building, Li Su saw Xu Zhisheng entangled with a student at the corner, and the student blocked Xu Zhisheng's anger and yelled at Xu Zhisheng angrily:

"Xu Zhisheng, what are you doing? You went on a date with me yesterday and now you're at school and pretend you don't know each other? What do you mean?"

He remembered that Xu Zhisheng replied to the other party: I don't know you.

The other party seemed to be enraged and slapped Xu Zhisheng on the face:

"You don't know me?! Say again that you don't know me? What the hell are you saying you don't know me? Xu Zhisheng, have you forgotten what you said in the store that day? You bitch, how dare you treat me like this ! Fuck/You fucker! Xu Zhisheng, don't let me see you again! We will hit you every time we see you!"

Then Xu Zhisheng seemed to be kicked down by that person, because they seemed to hear the sound of falling to the ground and the muffled sound of pain, Xu Zhisheng didn't refute a word after being scolded.

Lin Han cursed and ran down to help Xu Zhisheng up.

He didn't make a sound to stop that person's behavior at that time, because the other person's emotions were not half false, and it sounded like he was really annoyed by being betrayed.

He stood on it and looked directly at Xu Zhisheng who fell to the ground. Lin Han looked at Xu Zhisheng like him.

Before this incident happened, Li Su had been hearing rumors that Xu Zhisheng was getting entangled with other people. At first, he didn't believe it at all, even when the photos of Xu Zhisheng and others were shown in front of him. no letter.

But the scene in front of him was completely slapping him in the face, which was hot and painful.

The seed of doubt was still planted in my heart, but now it just burst out.

Since then, there seems to be an impenetrable barrier between them, although they are very close, they seem as far apart as thousands of mountains and rivers.

At that time, he let Lin Han go first, looked down at Xu Zhisheng and said coldly: "Explain".

Xu Zhisheng grabbed the hem of his clothes and didn't dare to look into Li Su's eyes, so he said weakly, "I don't know him..."

He wanted to believe in Xu Zhisheng, but he couldn't convince himself to believe him.

If Xu Zhisheng was telling the truth, why didn't he dare to look at him?Why do you look so guilty.

"Do you think I'm stupid? Xu Zhisheng? Didn't you hear a word of those rumors? Or didn't you see any of those photos? Are they the same person?"

"Xu Zhisheng, how do you want me to believe you? Ah? Don't you think you're disgusting? Tell me you like me when you say you like others?"

"What does it mean to like me? Are you gay? Or do you think I'm gay? Isn't it disgusting for you to think that about me?"

"Damn it, I feel so sick that I can't eat for a long time, fuck/you/damn crazy, don't let me see you again!"

When Xu Zhisheng heard what he said, he reached out and pulled his trousers, tears rolled in his eyes, and when he looked up at him, he was a little flustered.

"It's not... Li Su, I didn't lie... I'm sorry, Li Su is sorry, I'm sorry."

I'm sorry I didn't think you were gay, it was me, my unrequited love, my wishful thinking, but I really don't know Li Su.

Those words of sorry made Li Su stunned as if he had been sentenced on the spot. In Li Su's eyes, those words of sorry were tacit consent, and he didn't know what Xu Zhisheng's words of sorry really meant.

In Li Su's eyes, he always thought that the time spent together was enough to understand Xu Zhisheng, but he always couldn't remember that Xu Zhisheng had experienced too many things. When he was flustered, he always habitually dared not look into other people's eyes. Dare to look directly at others, completely unable to distinguish between Xu Zhisheng's fear and guilty conscience.

Xu Zhisheng lied to his mother to the point of proficiency, but when facing Li Su, he wanted to lie but couldn't say a word, but he told the truth and looked like a lie.

Xu Zhisheng is not the kind of person who likes to explain everything from the beginning to the end, and he doesn't know how to explain it. In his eyes, as long as he has never denied it, it is the best explanation.

But in the end, he still overestimated everyone's understanding ability, including Li Su.

After that, they broke up like this. For a long time, Li Su didn't want to see Xu Zhisheng, and he didn't have a good face.

Until now.

Li Su felt so empty in his heart recently, he couldn't think of how to treat Xu Zhisheng anymore.

He no longer knows what Xu Zhisheng is in his heart now, does he hate him?But it had already started to fade away, and now a thought came to him to reconcile with Xu Zhisheng.

He really misses Xu Zhisheng now.

Think of the Xu Zhisheng from before.

I don’t know if it’s because of the alcohol last night. Li Su looked at Brother Ming with red eyes, and his voice was full of helplessness:

"Brother, what should I do?"

What should he do?He misses Xu Zhisheng now, what should he do?Tell him what is he going to do now?

Li Su felt that he had no clue now, and he was very confused. It took him a long time to eradicate Xu Zhisheng's place in his heart little by little. Gao Lu's appearance and this phone call made Xu Zhisheng confused again Once took root in his heart.

He can't deceive himself not to think about Xu Zhisheng now, just like he couldn't deceive himself to believe Xu Zhisheng back then.

He is a very strange person, once certain ideas are born, it is difficult for him to persuade himself not to do them.

Brother Ming saw the Band-Aid on Li Su's forehead and the corners of his mouth were bruised and purple with tears in his eyes. For the first time, the sense of frustration and helplessness surrounding Li Su made Brother Ming feel that Li Su was a little pitiful.

. . . .

It was already afternoon when Xu Zhisheng opened his eyes, and what caught his eyes was an annoying white color, and he knew that this was the place he hated just by opening his eyes.

Xu Zhisheng felt uncomfortable all over, especially his heart was still aching, and felt that the thing covering his nose was particularly uncomfortable, so he reached out and took off the oxygen mask.

Just after taking off the oxygen mask, Xu Zhisheng felt that his heart rhythm was a little irregular and it was difficult to breathe, but he got used to it after a while.

Xu Zhisheng was wearing a hospital gown and looked at the infusion stick in his hand, his nasal cavity was full of the strong disinfectant smell that he hated.

It seems to be ill again.

Xu Zhisheng lifted the quilt and put it on the side of the hospital bed, feeling that he quickly changed into his clothes. Only then did he realize that the white wristband on his left hand had long since disappeared and was replaced by gauze circle after circle.

The long eyelashes drooped and cast a shadow under his eyes, and the half-down eyes made it impossible to guess what he was thinking now, and the beautiful eyes were as usual dead silent without a gleam of light.

After thinking about it for a long time, Xu Zhisheng crouched by the bed and rummaged for something. He thought there would be nothing, but he rummaged through the cabinet and found what he wanted. He didn't know if it was in the hospital itself or it was left by a previous patient.

Take out a notebook and pen and quickly write a sentence on the notebook:

Gao Li, I’m going home first, I’m already well, don’t worry about me, and thank you, I’m sorry last night, if you need anything, please contact me Tel: 1997XXXXXXXX.

Xu Zhisheng wrote.

After finishing writing, put the notebook on top of the folded hospital gown, pick up your own mobile phone on the cabinet, and leave the ward.

Xu Zhisheng felt his head was still a little dizzy, and he didn't know how he got out of the ward and how to get to the station.

Seeing that there were several missed numbers on the phone, Xu Zhisheng clicked on it, but the first thing he saw was not the first few missed numbers, but the familiar number, Xu Zhisheng's eyes widened in an instant, and he wiped his face. I wiped my eyes and looked at it several times for fear that I might be wrong.

Li Su!

Li Su!He called Li Su last night!Still connected?

Xu Zhisheng's mind was in a rut. He gripped the phone a little harder, his lips became whiter from being bitten, and tried to remember what stupid things happened yesterday, but he couldn't.

what did he do last nightWhy did you answer the call to Li Su?Are you calling him shameless again?Are you calling him mean and disgusting again?

Xu Zhisheng hadn't recovered from this matter before a phone call came in, Xu Zhisheng looked at the notes and adjusted his emotions and got through.

"Hello, Ms. Yang."

Ms. Yang, who was opposite, heard her son's voice, and her heart finally fell.

Ms. Yang didn't go to sell flowers today because she just wanted to see Xu Zhisheng. She felt that she hadn't seen Xu Zhisheng for a long time.

Usually, my son goes home every day for commuting, but for some reason, he suddenly stayed at the hotel during this time. Xu Zhisheng hasn't come back since the stay, and Ms. Yang always felt uneasy with a big rock hanging in her heart.

"Whisper, mom is off today, so wait a minute and mom will go to school to see you."

Ms. Yang's tone was as gentle as ever, always allowing Xu Zhisheng to maintain his original sense of reason.

When he heard that Ms. Yang was going to see him, Xu Zhisheng quickly stopped him:

"Mom, you don't need to come, because yesterday I accidentally scratched my hand while moving the equipment and scratched the skin, so I asked the teacher for leave today."

"So, I'll see you when I go home, I miss you so much."

Xu Zhisheng opened his eyes and spoke nonsense, even finding excuses for his injuries.

Ms. Yang's worried voice came from the phone:

"Scratched? Did you go to see it? How's it going? Does it hurt?"

Xu Zhisheng laughed softly and said:

"Mom, I'm fine. Now that you're a man, are you still afraid of this little injury? I underestimate your son and me."

"It doesn't hurt."

It hurts only in the heart, it doesn't hurt, I get used to it.

"Yes, I'll be home in a while. Mom hangs up first. The car is here. I'll see you later. I love you, Ms. Yang."

Xu Zhisheng hung up the phone and hurried into the car heading home.

Gao Lv stood at the door of the ward with his lunch in his hand and gently opened the door, for fear of disturbing Xu Zhisheng who was still sleeping before he went out, but when he opened the door, he saw an empty room, and the boy who was supposed to be on the hospital bed had long since disappeared. .

Gao Lu strode in, and saw that the neatly stacked hospital gowns were stacked on the cabinet, and the mobile phone disappeared. Gao Lu picked up the notebook with delicate characters written on the hospital gown after putting away the still warm lunch.

After reading it, Gao Li murmured, "This guy."

There's really nothing you can do about him.