Chi Guang

Chapter 133

Life in the monastery is very regular.

Get up at 05:30. Breakfast is simple porridge and side dishes. Monks don’t eat meat. Eggs are provided for pilgrims, one for each. Put the egg yolk in a bowl and smash it, mix it with porridge and drink it whole. The temple does not allow waste, and you have to eat it no matter how you don’t like it.

Shiqian Mountain is not high, with an altitude of less than 500 meters, but it is beautiful in the mountains, surrounded by bamboo forests and trees. Looking at the quiet and soft beauty, a white shoe stepped on the stone steps, breaking the first silence in the morning, jeans crushed the green moss, hands bent over the top of the head, forehead hair hanging down, making a rustling sound, one step at a time , One knock and one line, there is no one in the world, the wind comes through the forest, and a worship that has nothing to do with faith is going on.

It has been five years, and the speed and physical strength are obviously not as good as before. When I got up, I felt dizzy. Xu Chichuan supported the wall and looked at the winding stone path in front of him. Five years ago, he didn't feel tired even worshiping half a mountain in one breath , Now I started to pant after just over ten steps. As expected, times have changed, and no one will help eat the egg yolks I don’t like. Even this road that has been walked countless times five years ago, there are freshly refurbished yolks everywhere. Traces, together with pain and tears, are long buried deep down.

On the day of the end of the college entrance examination, Shen Sijing sent a high-speed rail ticket back to Wanchuan without the ecstatic excitement and celebration of getting out of the sea of ​​suffering. At the grandma’s house, the old man goes to bed at ten o’clock and wakes up at three o’clock every day. Grandma Xu is chanting sutras while pinching Buddhist beads. Do you like to sleep late?"

Xu Chichuan nodded, went back to the room obediently, closed the door and lay down on the bed, listened to the creaking of the fan, looked at the paint leather on the top of the wall that was about to peel off, and stared blankly until seven o'clock before going out.

It’s not that I’m not sleepy, the neuralgia is so painful that it’s about to explode, but when I close my eyes, countless inexplicable thoughts frantically run around in my mind, like a burned out hard drive, the brain’s out-of-control CPU can’t process any instructions , Dazed during the day, and extremely sober at night.

Xu Chichuan clearly felt that something was being lost from his body little by little.

Until one ordinary afternoon, Grandma Xu went out to buy groceries, and he was left sitting on the sofa watching TV alone. After a long time of drowsiness, he realized that he was standing in the kitchen, clutching the knife that he used every day to sharpen Apple's fruit knife, a light red mark on the wrist is slowly oozing blood.

It doesn't hurt at all.

He put down the knife and walked towards the balcony. The scorching sun of Jiang Gong in July was dazzling. He stood under the scorching light, and the scorching temperature shone on his body. It was painful and hot, but there was stillness in his eyes.

The sky was stained with a thick gray, and the sea water flowed over his body in waves. He saw that the thick glass walls that had been around for several years were slowly surrounding him to death, and the sea water surged up from the bottom of his feet and gradually diffused Over the body, the sun is dazzling, slowly sinking into the bottom of the sea.

A deep red streak appeared on the edge of the knife, and he stretched out his hand to pinch it hard, and the freshly solidified wound began to ooze blood again. He hissed, and the dark red blood dripped on his skin, which was strangely beautiful, and the pain stimulated the nerves. The glass wall also suddenly stopped falling, hovering in place.

After a few more days like this, seeing her grandson's complexion getting worse day by day, Grandma Xu became anxious, so she picked an auspicious day and brought someone to buy a large bag of incense candles and went straight to Shi Guitang, saying that it was to burn incense to get rid of evil spirits, and worship at the foot of the mountain. On the top of the mountain, at the moment when he was kneeling outside the main hall, looking at the Buddha in the hall who was neither sad nor happy, meeting those compassionate gazes, Xu Chichuan kowtowed three times, and then raised his face with tears running down his face.

If there really are Buddhas and gods, can you listen to his piety? There are so many people who love each other in the world, can one more be him and his lover?

Looking at the burning incense in the incense burner, Xu Chichuan silently made a wish. If the Buddha is willing to agree, then give him a hint, such as...after ten seconds, extinguish the incense.

ten.

Nine.

Eight.

seven.

six.

Fives.

four.

three.

two.

The smoke went out.

He stood up, wiped away his tears, walked out of the temple to find grandma, and stayed.

A long time later, Xu Chichuan asked himself what would have happened if the smoke hadn't been extinguished.

Then kowtow more, he thought, he has nothing, the Buddha will not save a liar without sincerity, but he happens to have a lot of obsessive wishes.

65 days and nights, 630, [-] nine steps, knocking at every step, those pains and blood and tears were ground into thorns in the kneeling again and again, aching the heart, deeply rooted in the festering, living with him, and watered into thorns.

I wanted to ask for many things, I begged Mu Shihai to come back soon, I begged Mu Shihai not to forget him, I begged to know where Mu Shihai was sent to, and in the end, I only asked for that one thing.

It's too difficult to meet, I just wish you peace.

Xu Chichuan doesn't know if it's useful, but after two months, at least he finally accepted the reality of Mu Shihai's departure, but he can't stay in Jiang Gong, he can be found everywhere in this place, and there is nowhere for him City, so six schools applied to other provinces when filling out the volunteer application, and then told Shen Sijing after the application was over, the woman's voice on the phone trembled: "Nanjing University will not be admitted, and archeology will not be studied, so you have to be so obsessed and go all the way to the end?! "

"No," he said softly, "I want to study the Fa."

We went to a university in a city, rented a one-bedroom and one living room, and raised a dog.

You are so smart that you can study business and start your own company in the future. I can study law, become a lawyer, and help your company fight lawsuits.

Brother, let's find a future.

five years.

Kneeling outside the hall again, his light brown pupils were neither sad nor happy, Xu Chichuan bent down and bowed deeply, not seeing half of the painful disappointment that was sinking at that time.

He is waiting for someone who doesn't know if he will come back. There may be no hope if he waits, but if he doesn't wait, he will definitely not be able to wait. Just like Andy, if he escapes, he may fail, but if he doesn't escape, he will definitely be trapped in Shawshank.

Partial knowledge and obsession can be mistaken, why do all rivers not return to the sea.

Why not return to the sea.

After eating vegetarian food and praying to Buddha for two months, I went back to my grandma's house before I left. The old man was surprised and happy to see him come back: "When did you come back? Where are your mother and your father? Did you come together? Stay a few more days before leaving. Tomorrow If fasting, grandma can eat meat now."

Xu Chichuan shook his head: "Go back to school, next time."

The old man was a little disappointed, but just for a moment, he quickly and happily held his hand and said, "Your brother doesn't know when he will come back, hey, your aunt really wants to die."

Mentioning Han Yu made Xu Chichuan feel even more bitter. Both grandson and grandson like men. If grandma knew, she would probably pass out on the spot.Seeing him in a daze, Grandma Xu patted him on the shoulder, her eyes were old but still clear: "Chuan Chuan, grandma is getting old, half of her body is in the coffin, and she doesn't know the day when she closes her eyes. Thought."

Xu Chichuan had a sore throat: "Don't say that."

"A person's life, decades, after all, is to live with hope. Your mother hopes that you will become a talent, and your aunt hopes that your brother will become a success. Grandma knows that you are all good children."

"Your grandfather left early, and grandma has been eating vegetarian food and praying to Buddha for so many years, so she also looked away."

"Whether you become a talent or not, you have to live your own life. Don't live to the end. At the end, bury it in the soil with regrets. You can't close your eyes when you die."

Xu Chichuan's heart skipped a beat, he met those burning eyes, and after a long time, nodded gently and solemnly: "I see."

"Thank you grandma."

Stayed in Wanchuan for two days, Xu Chichuan went back to Jiang Gong the night before the postgraduate report.

Without telling Lu Miaoyi or anyone else, he took the suitcase and opened a room opposite the school. Looking at the night scene outside the window, he hesitated holding the phone and hovering over the dial key repeatedly.

Still hit the past.

After one ring, she answered, and a woman's excited and surprised voice came from the receiver: "Xiao Chuan?"

"mom."

he called out.

"Yes, yes, you say."

"The graduate school starts tomorrow, and I'm at school."

"Mom knows," the voice couldn't contain his tears, "you are finally back."

"When are you going home?

He was silent for a while: "... After a while, school will start soon, and it will be very busy."

"Okay, okay, don't worry, I'm in Jiang Gong anyway, you can come back anytime," Shen Sijing on the other end of the phone seemed to be touching her tears, paused, and couldn't help but said, "What happened before, mom..."

"I'm dead," Xu Chichuan interrupted hastily, "I'll talk about it when I have time."

His wrists trembled a little, and he took several deep breaths before regaining his composure. The night outside the window was misty, Xu Chichuan leaned against the wall, closed his eyes and clenched his hands tightly.

So be it.

Already the limit.