Yizhi

Chapter 1 Retreat

Coincidentally, Qixi Festival and Liqiu coincide on the same day this year.

There are still a few days before the beginning of autumn, and I don't know what the situation in the whole city is. He is trapped in this small world, and he can already smell a little bit of autumn coming out of the restless summer.

After the beginning of autumn, the city will start to rain.

But the rain seems to be the same as human beings. I can’t wait. Today and yesterday at three o’clock in the morning, it fell happily. It didn’t stop at six o’clock.

Song Yezhi leaned against the window of the bedroom on the second floor and smoked. Occasionally, the scent of flowers came in through the window, and after a few laps, he was overwhelmed by the smell of smoke, bored, and drifted away leisurely.

He counted the flowers in the garden downstairs, fascinated, a long piece of soot left, could not hold back the wind, broke and shattered, and rolled onto the loose pajamas.Lowering his head, he stretched out his hand and dusted it, but to no avail.Leaving the window sill, with a cigarette in his mouth, he went to the living room on the first floor to get an ashtray.

Going around in a circle and returning to the bedroom, the smoke has been burned out.The white pajamas caught the sporadic soot, making it dirty to the fullest.

He wanted to smile, but his face was bitter and stiff, and he couldn't find the strength to raise the corners of his mouth, so he could only give a short smile in his heart - if this look was left in the past, he should have been disciplined long ago.

The smile that was forced to be twisted was instantly extinguished as soon as it showed its head. When a small stone was thrown into a pool of stagnant water, it couldn't stir up the splash, and it was the same, and disappeared instantly.

Song Yezhi was holding the ashtray, not knowing what to do next.Hao Duan stood, his head sank, and he felt dizzy for a while, the world in his eyes was distorted badly, and in a blink of an eye, he recognized the sun as black and white.

He accepted it indifferently, stood in the empty room for a while, then moved to the desk and sat down.An exquisite glass ashtray is placed in front of the left hand, and there is a clean cigarette butt lying in it.

He slumped his shoulders, folded the backs of his hands, lay on the table with his face covered, stared at the cigarette butt for a while, stretched out his index finger, fiddled with it a few times, and said softly: "You look so pitiful."

The voice is weak, hoarse, and smoky, which is also the reason why I haven't spoken for a long time.

Song Yezhi was lying on the table, holding the matchbox between his fingers, knocked lightly, and a match fell out.He struck a match, ready to light another cigarette.

"Song Yezhi, come here."

He stops.

Yi Qingwei always likes to call himself by his first and last name.

——If Song Yezhi made a mistake and annoyed him, Yi Qingwei would bite the end of the sound and prolong it deliberately when calling his name, with a low tone.But most of the time when I am in a good mood, I will gently hold the word "branch", which sounds very intimate, and all my love is hidden in the soft sound of that word.

Just now, Song Yezhi heard him calling himself that, behind him.

"Ignore people?"

one more time.

The painful brain nerves suddenly went on strike, faintly numb, as if gaining momentum.The dead blood boiled loudly, veins popped up on his arms, and the thin match tin box between his fingers gradually sank, revealing a round pit.

Song Yezhi was like a bystander, clearly feeling his body come alive and warm up, accompanied by a violent heartbeat and a grand headache.

But he didn't move.

Worries hit him one after another, and he was so painful that he didn't dare to look back.

Standing alone against the air for a long while, a layer of sweat broke out all over his body.He stood up stiffly, turned his head, and moved slowly.

A living person becomes a dusty puppet whose master starts to play with again.

Unfortunately, what caught the eye was still a room with a table and a chair.In the empty expanse of white, let the light spread and destroy.

"It's like this again." Song Yezhi finally shed tears towards the void, sadly and silently.He raised his hand, covered his eyes with his cuff, and said in a nasal voice, "I'm sorry, I miss you so much."

It was summer vacation, and Tao Xun stayed at his grandfather's house as usual.Tao Guosheng arranged for Tao Xun to move the reclining chair to the shade of the trees in the courtyard, and when he was lying down, he urged him to go to the back room to get a cattail fan, and then changed the water for the goldfish.

"Xiao Xun."

again.

Tao Xun, who had just returned to the TV, trembled when his grandfather called him. He sighed and wailed: "Grandpa! Watching Guo Jingjing's final!"

"Go, bring some watermelons to Uncle Ono."

The weak Tao Xun immediately jumped up from the sofa and blew towards the door like a gust of wind.

"Where is the melon? Do you want to bring some pork dumplings?"

Seeing him like this, Tao Guosheng asked in a tone of voice, "Why are you so rare about Uncle Xiaoye?"

Tao Xun was very proud, he shook his head and replied: "You don't understand."

The old man couldn't be bothered to pay attention to his energy, and ignored people half asleep.

Many trees in the yard couldn't withstand the autumn rains, and they turned into dead branches overnight. At first glance, they looked bleak and decayed.

The cattail fan in Tao Guosheng's hand gradually stopped shaking.

I went to bed early last night. I don’t lack sleep when I’m old, and I always dream.Tao Guosheng dreamed of Yi Qingwei—it's strange to think about it, it's been three months, but yesterday was the first time he dreamed of him.

In dreams, time and space are chaotic.

Yi Qingwei, who looked 27 years old in a suit and leather shoes, was holding Song Yezhi, who was only wearing a high school uniform, with one hand, rubbing the boy's head, and smilingly telling Tao Guosheng to take good care of Song Yezhi in the future.

Yi Qingwei clearly said that he wanted to leave, but he held Song Yezhi's hand tightly and refused to let go.

In the dream, Tao Guosheng wanted to cry and laugh at the same time, so he should say, "Don't worry, you two are my own."

The door of the courtyard was kicked open suddenly, and the cattail fan in Tao Guosheng's hand fell to the ground.

In the distance, clouds finally overwhelm the sun.

Tao Xun hurriedly stopped in front of the chair, put his hands on his knees and bent his waist to pant. He said, "Grandpa, there is no one in Uncle Xiaoye's house. I just found a letter on the living room table, and I want you to open it." Tao Xun became more frightened as he spoke, "He...he didn't even close the anti-theft door...deliberately kept it...don't know how many days..."

"What about the letter?"

Tao Guosheng was unusually calm.

The letter was held in his hand all the time, and after running all the way, it was already crumpled.Tao Guosheng took it, stroked it slowly, patiently stroked it over and over again.

The paper is crumpled after all.

He stood up from the recliner and walked to the study, his back bent.

"It's none of your business, go back to the house, Guo Jingjing seems to have won the gold."

Tao Xun ran very fast just now, really too fast.His mind was in a mess, he couldn't breathe for a long time, his legs softened, and he knelt and sat on the ground with a bang.

"Mr. Tao Guosheng personally."

On the yellow paper, Song Yezhi's handwriting is elegant and elegant, which penetrates the back of the paper.

"I haven't dreamed about my uncle recently. In fact, it's becoming more and more difficult to fall asleep. I don't know if you know that there were three bursts of rain last night, two bursts the night before, and no rain the night before. The rain will make the sweet-scented osmanthus blossom Is it good? You can make sweet-scented osmanthus wine this year."

"Time is intangible and intangible, and when it passes away, it will pass away. But after May 5, the time I spent has a shape. It is a blade, a knife every moment, cutting my nerves and thinning my will to continue living Power. I often look at the passers-by downstairs by the window, they enjoy the fragrance of flowers relaxedly and leisurely—I am an outlier in the crowd.”

"You know what, I heard him talking to me this morning - in our bedroom while I was lighting my cigarette. I've gotten to the point where I'm having auditory hallucinations - I can clearly feel my heart breaking down and yet another Another, stronger world is built in an instant. You know, when the straw that breaks the camel's back comes, the camel doesn't tire."

"I still remember that you asked me about my sexual orientation many years ago. I thought about it seriously, but I didn't come to a conclusion. I only liked him. I don't know whether I can fall in love with girls or other boys. It's not very clear."

"Thank you for being careful and protecting my self-esteem at the time. In fact, there is no need. I am not ashamed of loving him. I am only worried that my love will cause trouble to him, so I am depressed as a young man, and I just hesitate to move forward. A rough calculation Get up, I may have loved him for half my life. When I say this, can you understand a little bit about the decision I made today. "

"I still keep thinking that when he went to Sichuan, he told me that no matter what, he should try to take care of himself. I looked him in the eyes. His eyes were so serious that I couldn't keep him, and I couldn't ask to follow him. , Then I nodded and agreed to him. Even, the first second when I heard the news of his death, the only thing left in my blank mind was his words to take care of myself."

"In the future, his body will be brought back, he will be cremated, his ashes will be scattered in the wind, and he will completely disappear into the world—you believe me, those days...the days when he was destroyed bit by bit, I really worked hard .”

"Unfortunately I failed."

"I'm going to the beach. I haven't decided which sea, but it must be beautiful and quiet. Death is terrible, a pile of raw meat rots, and a soul is broken. I'm afraid of scaring others. Especially avoid children But no matter how scary it is, it is also a way out for me in this world, the only way that can give me the courage to live 86 more days. I will leave cleanly, you don’t have to worry about me, I have already taken care of everything Well—actually, there’s nothing to take care of, and I’m all alone with nothing to worry about.”

"I think I will meet him, for sure, he is wrapped in a certain wind on the sea, and then embraces me who blends into a certain wave on the sea."

"There is one more thing I want to ask you. You don't have to take the initiative to tell anyone about me. Others don't ask. If you ask...you can decide what to say, okay? Especially Xiao Xun, I hope he will always be a Cheerful, energetic, carefree kids."

"Come to think of it, Huanyu and I will never see each other again in this life."

"—don't be sad when I'm looking for happiness."

"I wish the living all the best, all the best."

The letter is short and will be read quickly.

The letter is very plain, what you say is without waves, but what you do is something that makes waves.

Tao Guosheng folded the letter paper along the previous crease, and put it in the envelope as it was.

"Mr. Tao Guosheng personally."

Tao Guosheng looked at the envelope and rubbed his fingertips over the words of this line.

"Ono."

Just as Tao Guosheng opened his mouth, tears fell on the envelope, so he quickly pressed it with his thumb.But his vision was blurred, he was crooked, and "Qi" was soaked in tears.

"I thought you could figure it out...I thought...I thought you could hold on...you can hold on to everything..."

Tao Guosheng choked up several times, opened the letter again with trembling hands, and read it from the beginning again.Seeing "You can make sweet-scented osmanthus wine this year", the old man finally broke down in tears.

"I'm old, I was wrong, I lost my head..."

Yes, he is very old, so old that his beloved wife has died and his best friend has died.He rolled all over the world of mortals, understanding life and death.But now, against the sunlight, she uses her skinny and deformed hands to cover the tears on her face.

The world is bustling, the world is in turmoil, the crowd is noisy, and there are all kinds of people.

What love can do.

It will make all living beings equal and all be laymen.

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