such as mans

Chapter 68

I have to say that Xie Zhongnan really likes black, and her sports vest is also black.Bu Fan could see Xie Zhongnan's abdominal muscles. She knew that Xie Zhongnan hadn't taken off for so long to show her his abdominal muscles, but Bu Fan could only force himself to look at the only part of his upper body that looked relatively clean.

Xie Zhongnan's two arms, from the forearm to the wrist, were full of scars.The accumulation of old and new, covering it layer by layer, ferocious and terrifying, a little above the wrist, there is a gap of ten centimeters in size, stitched, many stitches, crawling on the Xie like a centipede Zhong Nan should look good on his flawless skin.

There are many more wounds on the left hand than on the right hand, but there is a scar on the main artery on both sides, which looks quite new, and some scars seem to be many years ago.She looked down, and she could still see the cut on Xie Zhongnan's finger before she went to Tibet last time, which was also hideous, but it was not as scary as the ten centimeter one.

Some are scars, and some are dots, like the skin shrunk after being scorched by high temperature. This scar is easy to guess, because it was touched with a cigarette butt that was still bright red.

In fact, these scars can be covered, as long as Xie Zhongnan wears long sleeves all the time, they can be covered.I don't want to show in the eyes of others, and I don't want to let her see my true self, so I have to cover them all, and I also have to cover myself.

Bu Fan looked at it for a long time, not knowing what to say, then Bu Fan reached out to touch the wound on her arm, paused for a while, and poked lightly on her abdominal muscles,

"Your abs look great."

Xie Zhongnan looked down at her, pulled the corners of his mouth into a wry smile, and looked at Bu Fan with some self-mockery,

"These... are ugly."

"Afraid?"

After hearing Xie Zhongnan's words, Bu Fan was stunned for several seconds before reacting. These few seconds seemed to be as long as a century, and Xie Zhongnan was eroded one by one.

"I'm afraid," Bu Fan sighed, why wasn't he afraid, then Bu Fan looked up, and she could see the disappointed look flashing in Xie Zhongnan's eyes,

"I'm afraid of them," Bu Fan grinned at Xie Zhongnan, "I'm not afraid of you."

Bu Fan got out from under the quilt and gently wrapped his hands around Xie Zhongnan's waist. These injuries are so terrible, and they are not as terrible as Xie Zhongnan ignoring her, so if Xie Zhongnan's escape is because of these scars, she will not , Bu Fan rested his head lightly on Xie Zhongnan's lower abdomen, and said,

"How...how did they appear?"

She even wondered if Xie Zhongnan had suffered domestic violence, but her father's attitude towards her didn't look like someone who would stab his daughter with a knife.Xie Zhongnan is so dependent on his mother, it can't be her.

Maybe it was left over from a fight with someone else?Xie Zhongnan has been hanging out in Internet cafes and bars for a long time, but why did he only cut off his hands?And people in society still have the habit of leaving cigarette scars on people's hands?

In fact, the reason Bu Fan guessed at the beginning was that she didn't want to say it out, and she didn't want such thoughts to linger in her heart for a while. Even if it was true, she wanted to hear Xie Zhongnan say it herself.

Xie Zhongnan closed his eyes, and gently stroked Bu Fan's head with his hand. Bu Fan looked up at her, and could see her eyelashes trembling slightly. Don't be afraid of her.

"Myself..." She stroked Bu Fan's head with her hand, "I did it myself."

"Use a knife."

"cigarette."

"Bottle."

Bu Fan's body became very stiff, and Xie Zhongnan narrated these words in a calm tone. It was Bu Fan who was trembling, not because he was afraid of these scars, but because Xie Zhongnan said lightly what he was most afraid of.

It was all cut, burned, and smashed by Xie Zhongnan himself. In Bu Fan's eyes, it was so clean, beautiful, and so perfect that Xie Zhongnan could not tolerate a little flaw, how could he treat himself like this?

"Xie Zhongnan."

"Why...why hurt yourself?"

"I'm sick,"

Xie Zhongnan suddenly grabbed Bu Fan's shoulders with both hands, pushed her back, then squatted down and looked directly into Bu Fan's eyes, his beautiful lips opened and closed,

"depression."

Bu Fan's head was split open from the middle by her like a beam of electricity leaking between lightning and thunder, and her body seemed to be petrified. She wanted to touch Xie Zhongnan with her hands, but she couldn't move, depression.Such a beautiful Xie Zhongnan, how could he have depression?

She forced herself to calm down and looked at Xie Zhongnan, Bu Fan nodded, waiting for Xie Zhongnan to continue,

"Sometimes uncontrollable emotions,"

"More than hurting yourself,"

Xie Zhongnan looked at her,

"And hurt other people."

"Seeing the blood flow out....feeling the pain...that's how I know I'm still alive,"

"Alive."

Xie Zhongnan suddenly grinned bitterly, she looked at Bu Fan, blinked slowly,

"Actually, I want to die...but I don't really want to..."

Xie Zhongnan lowered his head to look at the long and deep scar on his left hand artery,

"When it hurts, you can wake up,"

"I don't want to die."

Bu Fan didn't know what to say, Xie Zhongnan grabbed her by the shoulders, and couldn't go over and give her a hug, she was stunned for a while, then said softly,

"Xie Zhongnan, don't be afraid, I will accompany you."

Xie Zhongnan smiled and shook his head. She loves to see Xie Zhongnan's smile, and also likes to hear Xie Zhongnan's voice the most. She likes everything that Xie Zhongnan doesn't reveal to others to appear in front of her. But when this is really the case, Bu Fan Looking at it feels like my heart is throbbing.

"Bu Fan," Xie Zhongnan looked into Bu Fan's eyes, "I want you to stay away from me, because I can't control myself."

"When I'm unconscious, I can't control it."

"I'm afraid of hurting you, but I don't want to hurt you."

Xie Zhongnan looked at his arm again,

"These, I don't want others to see,"

"Especially you."

That's why you avoid me, pretend to hate me, let yourself sleep well, eat well, smoke, drink and play games?Xie Zhongnan, that won't keep me away from you, it will only make me care about you more and love you more.

"No," Bu Fan held Xie Zhongnan's face with his hands, her face is so small, Bu Fan said with emotion in his heart, "Xie Zhongnan, look at me."

Xie Zhongnan met Bu Fan's eyes, her eyes were still so peaceful and gentle, Bu Fan's thumb gently rubbed against her face,

"I'll stay with you until you get better."

"You let me go, I will go, I am not afraid, I am not afraid at all," Bu Fan looked at her and smiled, "Because it is impossible for you to hurt me, have you forgotten? Every time I meet You will protect me in case of danger."

"It wasn't you yesterday, I would be taken away by that drunk."

"But you came to me because of it."

Bu Fan shook his head, and continued,

"I will be by your side, and you will never hurt yourself again. If there is a day when I see you can't control yourself,"

Bu Fan gently took Xie Zhongnan's arm off his shoulder, reached out and hugged Xie Zhongnan's neck, and whispered into Xie Zhongnan's ear,

"I'll hold you like this and you'll be fine."

Xie Zhongnan reached out and patted Bu Fan's head.

Bu Fan buried his head in her neck, muffled,

"Xie Zhongnan, you're an idiot. I'm not afraid of whether you will hurt me at all, so you just unilaterally block me out."

"Xie Zhongnan."

"Huh?" Xie Zhongnan's voice pierced through Bu Fan's ears. She was dizzy when she had a fever, but now Xie Zhongnan's breath flowed through her ears with heat. Numb and dizzy.

It's like holding Xie Zhongnan all the time, not caring about anything, what kind of bullshit depression, stay away from Xie Zhongnan.

"How about I stay with you from now on?" Bu Fan looked at her and asked cautiously.

She was a little nervous when asking this question, she was afraid that Xie Zhongnan would reject her, and that Xie Zhongnan would stay away from her again.

Xie Zhongnan reached out and rubbed her head again, a muffled voice came from behind Bu Fan,

"Well, you stay with me,"

"I'm with you too."

You are with me, and I am with you.We accompany each other, and we are not afraid of each other in this cruel but warm world.

Bu Fan let out a long breath of relief when he heard the words. It seems that it has been decades, hundreds, or thousands of years since he waited for these words. The stars are vast and the universe is prehistoric.After going through them and time, I saw you and hugged you, and that's all.

She thought it was time to confess in one go, hold hands, hug and kiss, etc., but she didn't want to.Because being able to accompany Xie Zhongnan is one of her short-term goals.

As for the latter, let's talk about it after a while.

"Xie Zhongnan."

"Ok?"

"I'll call you if it's okay. I think your name is really nice, but that Ou Lu called you Xiaoxie is really ugly."

Bu Fan likes to call Xie Zhongnan's name together, not Zhongnan, not Brother Nan, not Xiaoxie, but Xie Zhongnan.

What she hates the most is Xiao Xie. She is the most annoyed when Ou Lu smiles and shows her tiger teeth and calls Xie Zhongnan Xiao Xie. What should I do if I was snatched away.

But Bu Fan is not very worried now, her mood is like a blooming flower now, Xie Zhongnan will never talk so much with others at once!In Xie Zhongnan's heart, she is different. She steals the lunch box and sets up a mobile phone screen saver.Don't be afraid, Xie Zhongnan will be hers soon.

Xie Zhongnan looked at her and smiled,

"Bu Fan."

"Huh?" Bu Fan looked at her.

"I'm calling you."

Bu Fan grinned when he heard the words, she looked at Xie Zhongnan for a while,

"Can I sit next to you tomorrow?"

"Ah."