lack of love

Chapter 32 It's Not Too Late

Since the last dispute with Zhong Qiran, Yan's mother often thinks of her sister she hasn't seen for a long time.Since her sister was declared infertile, her parents were afraid that she would be ashamed and told her to stay at home when she had nothing to do and not to go out casually.In their day, infertility was a top priority, reduced to the gossip of neighbors, and viewed with sympathy.So her gentle and laughing sister, after being grounded, became quiet and became more and more negative.

Yan's mother has several brothers and sisters, but she has the best relationship with this sister.So young and energetic, she also felt angry at the beginning, the attitude towards her parents, the gossip of others, she felt wronged for her sister, and always wanted to fight for something based on reason.But her parents said to her: "What do you know? When you become a parent in the future, you will know that being a parent is a last resort."

She didn't understand then, and she didn't want to understand.All she knew was that her sister was also a victim, she was wronged, and she was pointed out by others, and no one was willing to stand up and speak up for her.

Her resistance was useless, and was soon drowned out by more voices agreeing with her parents' approach.

Later, my sister locked herself in the room, not even going out the door.

And she seemed to have gradually accepted this fact, and no longer refuted anything for her sister.

The sisters slowly drifted apart.

Yan's mother only remembered that when she got married, her elder sister hid behind the door to watch her, not even daring to step out.She clearly saw tears in her sister's eyes, as if she wanted to say something, but she didn't respond.Later, when the matchmaker urged her, she looked away and walked out of the house where she had lived for 20 years without looking back.Suddenly, decades have passed.She heard from other people that her sister had moved out of the house, and that she had a suitor, and that she was with a gentle middle-aged man and planned to spend the rest of her life.

She felt relieved, but felt lost. She still cared about her, but she didn't have the courage to meet her.Because there has always been a voice in her heart reminding her all these years: she has succumbed to reality, feels guilty, and cannot face it.

It wasn't until Zhong Qiran said that that she brought up this past from the depths of her memory.

Holding the phone in her hand, Yan's mother hesitated for nearly an hour before dialing the phone number that had been kept in her mind but could not be dialed.

In the afternoon of this day, Yan's mother came to a villa according to the address. There was a small courtyard outside the villa, with several pots of neatly trimmed flowers and plants growing vigorously.Standing at the door, she suddenly recalled that summer when she and her sister made pressed flowers together in the yard.My elder sister likes flowers and plants. When I was a child, I always liked to pretend to be a gardener with a pair of scissors, and she would follow behind my elder sister to pick up the fallen flowers and leaves, and carefully wipe off the dust.

At this time, a female voice came from the courtyard, with a smile, "Come on, come in quickly."

Only then did Yan's mother realize that the other party had been standing in the courtyard, as if waiting for her arrival.Looking at that familiar smile, she felt as if she had passed away.

My sister took her to the table and chairs to rest in the courtyard and sat down, with a big parasol on top to block out most of the sunlight.There is a pot of tea on the table, the color of the tea is darker, it is herbal tea.

"How did you come to see me?" The two hadn't seen each other for many years, but this sentence was not unfamiliar at all when asked by the sister, as if they hadn't seen each other for a few days, not decades.My sister is doing very well now, and seems to be much happier.Those gloomy past events seemed to have receded from her life, leaving no trace.

Yan's mother picked up the cup and took a sip of the tea, the taste was still the same as in memory.She began to talk about Zhong Qiran, starting from her son being kidnapped, insisting on marrying a man, how she opposed it, and how she tried her best to force them to separate. Say it all.She has a stubborn personality, and whenever she encounters something unhappy since she was a child, she wants to tell her sister.My sister may not agree with her, but she will never scold her. She always talks to her gently and softly about her thoughts and thoughts.And she took the opportunity to play, maybe she wanted her sister to take the opportunity to scold herself, so that she could feel better.

After hearing this, the elder sister did not scold her, but said calmly, "Every parent wants their children to grow up safely, be healthy and happy, as long as they are not murdering or arson, or committing crimes." She stopped deliberately. After a while, he continued: "Anyone can say something nice, but what I said is all bullshit."

Yan's mother froze for a moment when she heard the last sentence, and looked at her in surprise.

"I really think so, why are there so many disagreements." When my sister said this, there was a slight mocking smile on the corner of her mouth, and she felt helpless after seeing all the things in the world, "In my opinion, most parents only care about their own face. , no matter what the children think in their hearts, regardless of whether they live or die, they just insist on walking the right path they think. They are afraid of gossip, afraid that their children will be different from others, so they want to correct them hard, and when they find that they can't do it , use more drastic means, and strive for a satisfactory result. Tell me, how is this attitude different from treating an enemy?"

These words seemed to be spoken to Yan's mother, but also seemed to be herself.

It wasn't until she heard these words with her own ears that Yan's mother realized how deep her sister's resentment had been accumulated in her heart, "Sister..."

"I just want to ask you one question, do you want Xiao Hao to become like me in the future?"

Yan's mother was left speechless by the question, completely speechless.

My sister suddenly slowed down her tone again, and spoke softly: "Have you ever thought that what you think is good to him may be the real burden to him. It is not those who really live with you. Outsiders who can only gossip are family members who live under the same roof. The children are all filial, what more do you want?"

Yan's mother finally asked in a trembling voice: "Sister, do you blame your parents? Do you blame me?"

"Resentment, why don't you complain." After the elder sister said this, she looked at her and smiled, "But I am grateful to you. Because you are the first one to stand in my position and think about me, even if When I was young, I also blamed you for giving up halfway, but in retrospect, the way you refute me desperately is the motivation for me to live on. I hope you will keep like this, but don’t point the finger at the people close to you. You understand me mean?"

"I can't say that it's right for two men to fall in love, but that's their own choice. You don't have to accept it, but at least you have to learn to respect it. But no matter when, as long as you change your mind, it's never too late."

When Yan's mother went back, she kept thinking about what her sister said.She never thought that her ridiculous impulsive behavior later turned out to be the driving force for her to survive.

But she doesn't regret it, she only regrets that she didn't do more for her sister.

Family affection is like this, so why not love.

She reflected on what she had done over the years, and she had indeed done too much to Zhong Qiran.But the child not only didn't have any resentment, but also wanted to reconcile with him, and didn't even want to embarrass Yan Hao.

She also knew that Zhong Qiran probably knew about her sister, so he purposely said that during the quarrel.

She couldn't say that she had completely accepted the fact that the two men were together.But Zhong Qiran's just right honesty, now in her eyes, has become a cute move.

When Yan's mother came home, it was past meal time.

She didn't specifically ask the housekeeper to leave a meal, and the helper had already left work, so she just planned to get something to eat.Since she married into Yan's family, she has become used to eating at home and rarely eats out.This may be a kind of spiritual sustenance. I always feel that if I do this, the table will not be empty and my heart will not be settled.When she got married, Yan's father was already very busy, and he didn't eat at home for several days a week. After Yan Hao was born, the situation got better, at least she wasn't alone anymore.So she naturally shifted the focus of her life to Yan Hao and placed high hopes on him.But when I look back on many things, I realize that in fact, I deceive myself, and only I can move myself.

She walked into the kitchen and was about to do something, but the housekeeper suddenly told her to wait and asked her to sit down at the dining table before taking out the food from the thermos box.

"Where did it come from?" Yan's mother glanced at it, and she kept all her favorite food, no more, no less, just the amount she usually eats.

The housekeeper said: "Mr. Zhong left the dishes he personally made."

Yan's mother looked at the old insulated box, and suddenly felt nostalgic.It's been a long time since she used this thing. It was used as a lunch box for Yan Hao when he went to school, and she was always reluctant to throw it away.

Yan's mother smiled, "This has been useless for a long time, how do you still know to dig it out of the cabinet?"

The housekeeper said again, "Young Master took it."

Mother Yan paused, shook her head and laughed.These two people probably decided that she would soften her heart, so they deliberately came to please her.

Having an extra son actually doesn't feel that bad.