why are they still in love

Chapter 65

Now, even if Xiao Chining said that he was actually from Yue Zezhang, Xiao Zhaoshan would not be surprised anymore.

He avoided Xiao Chining's touch, and most of the red around his eyes had faded: "You've been cheated, this kind of gadget isn't worth that much money at all."

Xiao Chining withdrew his hand and nodded: "Of course I know."

"But can I give you that kind of medicine that defrauds little girls? It's too cheap." He took out Xiao Zhaoshan's cell phone that he had been playing with just now, pulled out the photo album and put it in front of his eyes, "Teacher Xiao just take a look, How does this imported hallucinogen work?"

Xiao Zhaoshan raised his eyelids and glanced coldly at the phone screen.

In the room with only one bedside lamp on, the two were lying on their sides embracing each other, and anyone could see that they were kissing passionately.

The quilts were piled around their waists, Xiao Chining was bare-chested, revealing the English tattoos on his back shoulders, while he was wearing pajamas loosely, three buttons were unbuttoned, and fresh teeth were printed on his collarbone and chest. The traces glowed faintly under the orange light.

"The composition is pretty good Xiao Chining, how did you take it." Xiao Zhaoshan sarcastically said, "So, we did it yesterday? Was I hard at that time?"

"It doesn't matter." Xiao Chining threw the phone on his lap and said, "The important thing is whether Chi Yan thinks we did it or not."

Xiao Zhaoshan smiled: "The methods are too old-fashioned, which TV series did you learn from?"

"As long as it's easy to use." Xiao Chining took out the wrinkled cigarette, put it in his mouth, lit it with a lighter, and brought it to Xiao Zhaoshan's lips, "When you just woke up, I used your mobile phone to send her the photo Well, I guess, she'll be in touch with you soon."

Xiao Zhaoshan never made things difficult for himself, he didn't refuse the cigarette, and took a deep breath.

He remembered that not long after he moved here, one weekend afternoon he was sitting in the study drawing and practicing, while Xiao Chining curled up quietly on the newly bought beanbag sofa and played with his mobile phone.

Suddenly, he ran over and said that his fingerprints would be recorded: "I think other couples have to go through this process, Dad, let's do it too."

He said with disgust: "No, I'm not interested in what's in your phone. Take a step back, even if I'm interested, I won't check your phone."

Without permission, Xiao Chining directly grabbed his free left hand and collected his index finger fingerprint: "You know what a fart, old man! I'm expressing that I have no secrets from you!"

He didn't care, and went with Xiao Chining.As a result, after Xiao Chining collected his fingerprints, he opened his hands to him again.

"What else do you want?" He began to chase people away, "Didn't you see that I was painting?"

Xiao Chining hooked his fingers: "Bring your mobile phone, I want to record fingerprints too."

He refused at first: "It's not necessary."

Xiao Chining slammed onto his back and strangled his neck with his forearm from behind: "Okay, old man! You really have a secret! Tell me! Are you still inseparable from Chi Yan, and you're telling me about it privately?" ?”

He was knocked onto the table, and quickly grabbed Xiao Chining's ass with his backhand: "Little thing is good at using idioms, why did he only get over 80 in the Chinese test? I remember that the full score is [-]?"

"Don't change the subject." Xiao Chining bit his ear, "Be honest!"

He generously picked up the mobile phone on the side and unlocked it, then slapped Xiao Chining on his face: "Take it, take it. Get off of me."

Xiao Chining immediately shut up and changed gnawing into kissing: "Good boy."

It turned out that this was also one of the steps of the revenge plan.

He understood it too late.

"You miscalculated." He looked at Xiao Chining and said, "She doesn't care as much as you think."

Xiao Chining took off the cigarette and shook out the ash for him: "It was you who was wrong. She asked me who you fell in love with and what kind of person you were."

He put the filter tip back between Xiao Zhaoshan's lips properly: "If she knows that this person is her biological son...it will be very interesting."

"Mr. Xiao, there is nothing more painful than self-doubt."

The tone of the two is calm, the movements are intimate, and the picture looks unexpectedly good, just like the kidnapper and hostage who love each other the most in the world.

Xiao Zhaoshan raised his head, his Adam's apple rolled up and down, and breathed out a lot of smoke: "Xiao Chining, why bother."

He looked down at Xiao Chining: "You can completely stab Chi Yan and me with a knife like Hu Yingxue did."

Xiao Chining sat down and lit a cigarette for himself: "She's crazy, but I don't. She wants to sacrifice herself for other people's mistakes, but I don't want to."

"Then why are you tying me up like this?" Xiao Zhaoshan bit his cigarette, laughed heartily, and shrugged his shoulders, "It's not just for chatting with me, is it?"

Xiao Chining raised his index finger to signal him to be quiet: "The final link is coming soon, Mr. Xiao, be patient."

Xiao Zhaoshan was impatient, he was terribly tired.

"Did you report the tax issues of Chi Yan Company at that time?" He asked sharply.

Xiao Chining nodded: "Yes, I have been researching the broken website of the tax bureau for a long time."

Xiao Zhaoshan took a puff of cigarette, and let the ashes with residual heat fall to his chest naturally: "You went to her company just to find evidence to report?"

Xiao Chining laughed at his taking it for granted: "I am a cheap son with basically zero sense of existence, how can He De find evidence in just one visit? To be honest, I did intend to imply that we were having an affair that day."

"The truth?" Xiao Zhaoshan said disdainfully, "Do you think I will still believe the so-called truth in your mouth?"

"It's up to you." Xiao Chining didn't care, he got a kind of despicable comfort from the bottom of his heart.

Trust is a two-way street, and the same goes for breaking trust.Between the two parties, no longer trusting the other party means no longer believing in yourself, not believing that you are worth cherishing, not believing that you can be cured, not believing that you can still love.He is happy to see Xiao Zhaoshan feel sad, because it shows that loneliness is about to become a brand that will accompany him for the rest of his life.

Xiao Chining has a deep understanding of this.

Everyone knows that parents' love for their children is not a matter of course and should be taken for granted, but a child's admiration for their parents is destined.

No one hates their parents when they are born, and hates that they were forced to be born in this indifferent world.He can guarantee that even the most withdrawn, independent, and hard-hearted orphans have imagined ten thousand times the kindness and understanding of their parents they have never met, and even lie to their wounds and excuse them .

At first, he told Xiao Zhaoshan bravely that he had never imagined Chi Yan.That's a lie.Not only has he never imagined it, in fact, he almost wants to imagine it so painfully.

The world in the eyes of teenage students is like an opaque circle centered on oneself and radiused by family members and friends. Adding a little love and hope that cannot be met, it is enough to cover the entire ever-changing world. distance.

Those nights of tossing and turning questioning the sky, that childhood of self-doubt, confusion and trial-and-error, that period of rainy season longing for embrace and harbor, those glimpses of life that envied the ordinary but was questioned—the 40-year-old Xiao Chining may be able to laugh it off, and the 17-year-old Xiao But Chi Ning couldn't forget.

He can't forget, he can't let go.But apart from letting Chi Yan and Xiao Zhaoshan go through the loneliness and hopelessness that he tasted and ruminated many times since he was a child, he still has no idea about better revenge.

A new life needs to start with the settlement of old grievances.

The sarcasm and complacency on Xiao Chining's face has since faded away, turning into a blank.

Xiao Zhaoshan blew out his cigarette butt and asked him: "Without evidence, how did you succeed in reporting?"

Xiao Chining replied: "A blind cat ran into a dead mouse. Take a picture of the report on her desk, upload it, submit it, confirm it, and forget about it, and everything will come naturally."

"You're lucky."

"always like this."

Xiao Chining looked at Xiao Zhaoshan's face calmly, and raised his hand to embed the unextinguished cigarette butt into his shoulder: "I have always been like this, and I have no hope in everything."

The pajamas were burnt through a hole, and there was a slight "stinging" sound, and a sharp and continuous burning pain suddenly came from under the collarbone. Xiao Zhaoshan's heart was burned by this spark, and he buried himself in reflex | body protection Own.

He arched his back, gritted his teeth and asked, "Are you happy..."

Xiao Chining didn't answer, maintaining this posture, and said to himself: "It's time for the last link."

Xiao Zhaoshan raised his head and stared at him fiercely: "Do you know what you are doing?"

Xiao Chining let go, picked up the folding fruit knife that had been lying quietly on the ground expressionlessly, and pulled out the shiny blade: "I have revised countless plans for today, how stupid are you to think that I Was it impulsive?"

"Obviously we can have a better solution—"

Before Xiao Zhaoshan could finish speaking, Xiao Chining interrupted him loudly.

"I'll ask you one last time!"

His knuckles were white, and he grasped the handle of the knife vigorously, but his eyes were disproportionately red, showing no killing intent.

"For the last time..." He took a deep breath, forced out a nonchalant smile, "Do you wish that I had never been born, that I would die and disappear from the world?"

He parted his lips slightly, and asked softly, "Is that so? Xiao Zhaoshan."

If it weren't for the fact that his hands and feet are bound right now, Xiao Zhaoshan would really like to hug him.

In this situation, he has completely forgotten the representative images of father and son in classic literary works, and those ways of making peace that depend on time or death.They are so different.

He couldn't open his mouth to say "no" frankly, because he once really preferred not to have Xiao Chining's son.The answer he can give now should be a sincere hug and a sincere apology, telling Xiao Chining with a gesture of surrender: your existence is not meaningless, at least, it is very important to me.

"I thought so, but—"

However, Xiao Chining couldn't hear the "but".

"Enough." He said, poking his neck, "That's enough for me to know."

Xiao Zhaoshan kept looking at him and insisted: "However, this has also become the thing I regret most in my life."

"Regret." Xiao Chining lowered his head and snorted, "Only the dead know what real regret is."

Xiao Zhaoshan didn't care about his harsh words.He was sure that Xiao Chining would not do anything, because he was still a soft-hearted child at heart.

"Do you remember? I was sent to the police station by you personally just a few days after I came to Beijing."

However, Xiao Chining touched the shallow scar on his hand, and then raised the knife: "At that time, I was covered in blood, and I was in a mess like a dog sleeping next to a trash can. Do you know how much more I have on my body after that day?" A scar?"

He commanded the tip of the knife to walk on Xiao Zhaoshan's body, like a chef who was preparing to cook a ding and a cow.

"You don't know, and you don't care when you make | love with me."

The tip of the knife finally landed on Xiao Zhaoshan's right arm in the air, the right hand he used to draw and write, and the right hand he used to hug and caress his lover.

Xiao Chining reported a number: "21."

He stared down at Xiao Zhaoshan's arm, and said slowly, "It's time to pay it back, Teacher Xiao."

Xiao Zhaoshan suddenly smiled when he heard the words: "If you can forget the past after I pay the 21 dollars, then it's worth it."

Xiao Chining looked disgusted: "I will never forget it until I die."

Xiao Zhaoshan put away his smile and decided it was ordinary: "You are reluctant."

Xiao Chining seemed indifferent: "I haven't."

"Why don't you admit that you actually want to love me too." Xiao Zhaoshan tried to wake him up, "If not, why don't you take revenge on Chi Yan like this? Why can you endure living under the same roof with me for so long? Why do you love me every time? You are so sincere when you kiss, and you wake up every day to see me so satisfied?"

He stared into Xiao Chining's eyes, and said with certainty: "You love me too, that's why—"

"I didn't! I didn't!"

However, Xiao Chining had already roared and stabbed the fruit knife into his upper arm.

He pressed against the handle of the knife as hard as he wished he could nail Xiao Zhaoshan to the wall, and the images he just mentioned could not stop appearing in his mind.

They kiss on the sunken square, in the car, and everywhere in the house. They approach each other when they are half asleep, unconsciously absorbing each other's body temperature, and relying on each other's hugs. They are no different from all loving couples in the world.

So Xiao Chining finally realized personally what Hu Yingxue said, if one day she chooses to die, it must not be because of hatred, but because she cannot stop loving.

He loves Xiao Zhaoshan, loves him very much, loves him very much, loves him so much that he sheds tears quietly in the dark night that no one knows about, loves him so much that he desires and hates him the most.

A subdued groan came from his ear, and Xiao Chining gradually woke up from his trance.

He looked down and saw a large piece of red flower blood spilling from around the blade of Xiao Zhaoshan's pajamas, he let go of his hand immediately, and repeated in a trembling voice: "I didn't..."

The pain poured into Xiao Zhaoshan's brain so overwhelmingly that he almost couldn't tell whether it was the head hurting more or the wound hurting more for a few seconds.

He turned on the heating in the room, he could clearly feel the shape of the cold murder weapon, he could feel Xiao Chining's decisive strength, he could feel the viscous blood flowing down along the gravity, like a creek that accumulates and accumulates to the back of his hand and palm.

click, click.

The blood dripping on the light yellow floor tiles was deafening, but Xiao Zhaoshan himself couldn't hear it.After the severe pain like a severed arm, the more lingering, fine-grained, pervasive pain controlled all his mind, leaving him no time to distract himself from observing other things.

Xiao Chining watched helplessly as he fell to the ground in a flash, his face and lips became pale in an instant, and his forehead was covered with bead-sized beads of sweat, as if he had been trapped by some invisible The demon had a strangling throat, and he was fighting.

"You owe me..." Xiao Chining clenched his fists tightly and said, "Xiao Zhaoshan, you owe me this!"

Xiao Zhaoshan still had the fruit knife stuck in his arm. He took a few rounds of breaths, and after finally recovering, he barely raised his eyelids and ordered him weakly: "Take the knife... off. There are still twenty more , I'm counting."

When Xiao Chining heard the words, he stood up in a "chuckle" and vented incoherently: "Do you think I will forgive you like this?! Impossible! I will never forget...I can't forgive you!"

He walked back and forth in a tile, with a flustered expression: "There are a lot of nerves there, and the penetrating injury will affect the movements of your fingers. You don't want to paint in the future. Xiao Zhaoshan, did you hear me, you have no chance to paint."

He suddenly stood still, wiped his face, and his voice calmed down: "You have to thank Dong Xin, she told me that what you love most is painting."

He repeated softly: "Yes, what you love most is painting."

Xiao Zhaoshan's eyes widened in shock, and he bent his fingers in disbelief.Sure enough, the sharp neuralgia made his whole arm twitch inexplicably.

"Xiao Chining!" He pressed his forehead against the floor tiles, gritted his teeth and growled, "You're a fucking idiot!"

Xiao Chining seemed to be in the land of no one: "Wait, what else have I done, let me think about it."

After a short thought, he raised a bleak smile: "Oh yes, I lied to you again."

"The hallucinogens are indeed not worth 3 yuan." He looked at Xiao Zhaoshan, his smile couldn't be maintained anymore, and tears gradually appeared in his eyes, "Dad, I really bought drugs, and I hid them in that bar , I got it back the day I went to Chi Yan’s company.”

Xiao Zhaoshan turned his head to stare at him, and said slowly: "Xiao Chining, you are crazy..."

"Don't be afraid, I haven't smoked before."

With a sullen face, Xiao Chining took out an empty small plastic bag from his trouser pocket, and passed the final judgment on Xiao Zhaoshan.

"It's all in that cigarette you just smoked."

There was a thunder on the ground, and Xiao Zhaoshan was speechless for an instant, his mind went blank, as if the pain in his body had disappeared, and he just stared blankly at him.

"The hallucinations will make it less painful, if you don't pass out."

Xiao Chining took off the watch on his left wrist that was given by Xiao Zhaoshan, and threw it at his feet: "Use the rest of your life to experience what it feels like to be 'unable to quit'. I have had enough of the previous 17 years. .”

"Oh, and." He walked to the door of the bathroom and remembered again, "Actually, I'm the one above, so every time I make|make love with you, I feel—"

He frowned, and said word for word, "It's disgusting."

Xiao Zhaoshan was still trapped in panic and frustration, unable to respond to Xiao Chining's words.He was lying on the ground, and at this moment he finally began to suspect that his judgment was probably really wrong.

His son is not soft-hearted, because he doesn't even have a heart.

Xiao Chining put on his coat to cover his bloody right hand, skillfully drove the skateboard under his feet, and left his and Xiao Zhaoshan's home as usual when he went out to buy groceries.Did not look back.

Downstairs there are plainclothes policemen on call 24 hours a day, and upstairs is Xiao Zhaoshan who still owes him twenty scars.Facing the wind, Xiao Chining suddenly remembered that a long time ago, he was standing on the sidewalk preparing to take an oil painting class, and heard a little girl in front of him ask the woman next to her: "Mom, can I not go to the interest class today? I don't want to go."

When the green light came on, the woman squeezed her hand and said, "Honey, you have to study hard so that you can become a useful person in the future."

The little girl raised her head and asked, "Mom, what is useful?"

The woman hesitated for a while, then replied briefly: "It's useful to make Mom and Dad love you more."

The little girl immediately ignited her fighting spirit: "I will obediently go to class, does my mother love me more!"

The woman smiled and touched her head: "Well, mom loves you no matter what."

At that time, he was engrossed in listening, and his pace slowed down a bit. Then he was knocked to the ground by a motorcycle behind him, and was dragged for a meter or two, leaving an indelible scar on his back.

Nobody knows.No one will know.

Xiao Chining stepped on the skateboard, weeping silently, in the blurry world, in the scenery of flying backwards, he started a new life where he lost all expectations.

It's snowing again in Beijing.The new year is coming.