Lucid dreaming

Chapter 26

This time they didn't bully him.

They all avoid him.

The people in No. 33 were not familiar with Li Zhaowei, and they were not as stupid as Zhou Mingyuan. They dared to ridicule him even standing in front of him.But they have their own judgments, homosexuality seems to be the most disgusting thing.

Li Zhaowei's deskmate disappeared overnight.They moved Li Zhaowei's desk to a corner, and sat in front of the trash can.Of course they dare not throw trash at Li Zhaowei.After sitting closer, I realized that the trash can always emits a subtle but undeniable stench, and there are flies buzzing around Li Zhaowei.

No one handed out Li Zhaowei's papers any more. They put Li Zhaowei's homework and papers on the podium, waiting for him to pick them up.No one stood beside Li Zhaowei during exercises between classes.As if he were an invisible spirit, or blank wallpaper.Something that should not and cannot exist in this room.

Li Zhaowei never asked how Ke Xi was treated in the class.He could see that the former class favorite, the mascot who was surrounded in the middle of the inter-class exercises, now stood alone at the end of the team, with his hands deeply inserted into the pockets of the large school uniform.

He didn't look at Li Zhaowei, and Li Zhaowei tried not to look at him either.

Finally, Li Zhaowei saw the blue skirt Ke Xi wore in the trash can in the men's room.The skirt was torn torn by sharp tools, and the original shape could only be seen from the lace and gold embroidery of the clock.

He guessed that the girl threw it in on purpose, or someone forced her to bring it here and threw it for him on purpose.He stood in front of the trash can and looked at it for a while, thinking, it should be Alice, but it couldn't be Cosette.Otherwise, this fate seems a bit ironic.

Of course Kosh saw it too.As long as Koshi went into the toilet, the boys who could leave would stay away from him, as if homosexuality was a contagious germ, as if the victim was dirtier than the perpetrator.

Li Zhaowei didn't know what Ke Xi was thinking. He stood beside Ke Xi, looked at Ke Xi's side face staring at the trash can, and worried that Ke Xi would collapse.However, Ke Xi stared at the light blue skirt for a long time, his eyebrows frowned, and the corner of his mouth smiled, as if he had expected this long ago, so he was relieved.

"...Are you okay?" Li Zhaowei asked hesitantly.

Ke Xi nodded, held his palm with his backhand, squeezed it lightly, and said, "I'm fine."

Li Zhaowei wanted to hug his trembling shoulders.But this is a high school that treats homosexuality like a scourge, and he doesn't want to embarrass Ke Xi even more in front of everyone.

Ke Xi looked so nonchalant that Li Zhaowei became more and more worried.The time of the day passed slowly and heavily, and finally arrived at 11:30, and finally finished the second day's homework, climbed onto the soft bed, Li Zhaowei checked the text messages in the phone with his back turned to Ke Xi, and felt a slight vibration of the mattress. Xi turned over, and suddenly touched Li Zhaowei's back with her cold fingertips through the quilt, and said, "Brother Yan, will you hate me?"

Li Zhaowei put down the phone, held Ke Xi's hand behind his back, turned over, pulled his cold finger to his mouth and kissed it lightly, and asked, "Why?"

Ke Xi tilted his head, his eyes reflected the soft light of the desk lamp, like deep obsidian.

"They all hate you because of me."

Li Zhaowei couldn't help laughing: "How could it be? If people hate you, they don't need a reason. Besides, do you think I came out in public for you?"

Even the soft light from the desk lamp could see the blush on Kosh's cheeks.Li Zhaowei watched the color change on his fair skin obsessively.It wasn't until Kosh pulled back his hand lightly that he turned around from the long stare.

"Why did you suddenly talk about your uncle and aunt?"

Ke Xi lowered his eyes and bit his lips: "I used to think it was bearable. Or, they haven't made it too much, after all, they haven't been in the hospital. I used to think that such a life was quite normal. But...but with you Living together, I can't bear that kind of life anymore."

Li Zhaowei caressed the smooth skin on Ke Xi's back unconsciously, kissed his soft hair lightly, listened to Ke Xi's intermittent speech, then strengthened his strength to wrap Ke Xi into his arms, and said against his lips: "I live with you." At the same time, I am not who I used to be.”

Ke Xi struggled twice and did not dodge. He raised his head slightly and asked, "You before?"

Li Zhaowei smiled slightly: "Du Hang also said that I was raised by my little mother. I have a problem with my background and my mental instability..."

Ke Xi raised a finger to his lips: "Don't say that. Du Hang is a bastard, you can't learn Chinese with the bastard."

Li Zhaowei couldn't help but kissed his finger and said, "Okay. I don't say that."

"Brother Yan is so cute." Ke Xi patted the tip of Li Zhaowei's nose, and stared at him shyly and mischievously, "Tang Jingnan and the others once commented on you as aloof. You don't like to talk, you have good grades, and you look like a perfect idol. If it weren't for you Come to me first, I really thought you were the perfect idol."

"Perfect idols also have people they like." Li Zhaowei said, "It should be said that in front of certain people, no matter what idols will change into their original appearance."

Ke Xi's eyes flickered: "Some people..."

After a moment, Kosi smiled.

"I have some ideas, but you may think I'm naive. But I want to tell you, can I?"

Li Zhaowei touched his cheek lightly and said, "Not childish. Tell me."

Kosi's eyes flickered and he smiled.

"From the day my parents got into a car accident, I began to feel that everyone I met hated me, but everyone politely covered up their real thoughts. The more I covered up, the more I trusted my intuition. How could anyone side Like me, while forcing me to do... something like that. I worked hard to please them, being the pet in class, making wisecracks, and learned a lot of skills of reading words without a teacher. The more I learn, the more I believe that I am Being hated. If you don’t get hated by people, you don’t need to learn this at all. It’s like a dead end. I started to feel that there’s no reason to be hated by people. Maybe I’m hated when I’m alive, but I don’t want to die. Brother Yan , you will hate me too, why do you like me?"

Li Zhaowei held Ke Xi tightly in his arms, and kissed away the tears from the corners of his eyes.The pleading and unrepentant eyes, the warm and salty taste brought back a deepest memory in his heart.

That was the last thing he wanted to think about.

"Because you are yourself." Li Zhaowei assured him, "I like you because you are you."

"Maybe it's because I'm good-looking?"

Li Zhaowei couldn't help feeling amused: "Isn't it you who are beautiful? So I also have a naive idea. I used to think that it would be great if we could get married. Whether it is poor or rich, sick or healthy, we will Stay with each other..."

Ke Xi kept listening, with new tears gradually filling his eyes, and at the end, he whispered the phrase "until death do us part" together with him.

Unexpectedly, Cosi's eyes overlapped with the eyes he remembered.

Completely different scenes, completely different things, why did he suddenly recall that memory?

Suddenly he was floating in the darkness, surrounded by nothingness, only the body in his arms was warm and firm.It's not darkness, it's countless pairs of eyes.

Li Zhaowei collected himself and forced those eyes into the depths of his memory.In the past, he could force himself to ignore it, but this time, for some reason, those eyes kept looking at him stubbornly and sadly.

He is not qualified to love, to save.

Li Zhaowei bit the inside of his cheek hard, and the pain brought him back to reality.

It's a completely different thing at all.

"Hmm... Speaking of class pets, corgi, right? It's a cute puppy. I remember that when I was young, the neighbor next door had a yellow dog named Rhubarb. I often played with Rhubarb and rode it."

"Yellow dog? Is it a golden retriever, or a corgi? I haven't seen a live corgi yet."

Li Zhaowei tightened his arms and embraced the warm body in his arms.Why did you bring up this matter, why did you talk about such a frank topic tonight.

"It's not a corgi. It's not that good of a dog. It's just an ordinary dirt dog. It's quite tall, and its hair is not long."

Ke Xi's expression was very cute, obviously he didn't expect that Li Zhaowei's neighbor would also have a domestic dog. "……and after?"

later.

"The neighbors killed the yellow dog and ate it. A few days later they asked their relatives for a little black dog, but they didn't treat it well and often beat it. In the end it died. Later...we moved out. "

"Ah..." Ke Xi hugged his waist and kissed him, "Poor puppy."

It is not known who kissed whom.A few minutes later, Kexi said slightly out of breath, "Take your hands away."

Li Zhaowei asked him with a slight smile, "No?"

"Then hurry up."

The breathing of the two finally calmed down, and Kosi's soft hair rubbed against his chin, itching.

The bedroom was immersed in the melting night, and Li Zhaowei stared into the darkness with his eyes open.He didn't tell Coxi the whole story, and those past events that rushed through his mind late at night would never be mentioned to anyone.It is true that the black dog died and he moved, but the truth is more complicated than these words.

The black dog likes him very much, probably because Li Zhaowei is the only one who gives him snacks and doesn't beat him.Whenever Li Zhaowei passed by the neighbor's yard after school, he would grab the fence, stand on tiptoe, try his best to look at the black dog, and throw some of his food to it.The black dog knows when he comes home, and every time he sees him, he wags his tail wildly, turning his little tail into a hot wheel.

It knew that if it made a sound, it would be beaten by its master, and it also knew that Li Zhaowei could not enter the fence.So every time it ran over without making a sound, took the food in Li Zhaowei's hand with its mouth, arched its wet nose and furry mouth in Li Zhaowei's hand a few times, and looked at him gratefully with its bright black eyes.

Neighbors often beat dogs, first with punches and kicks, then with tools.The walls were not soundproof, and he often heard the black dog whimpering miserably.

That day he came home from school as usual, tiptoed over the fence, and handed half a ham sausage to the black dog, but the black dog did not run over as usual, but lay motionless on the ground with four legs stretched out.

Dogs often lie on the ground with their legs outstretched.But that day, there was something strange about the black dog, it was different from ordinary dogs lying on the ground.Looking at it, Li Zhaowei gradually felt uncontrollable uneasiness.

He did something he had never dared to do: while there was no one in the yard, Li Zhaowei climbed over the neighbor's fence for the first time and approached it.

The black dog was panting rapidly, and seeing him approaching, it wagged its tail weakly.Its belly was heaving, it was still alive, and there was a dark red blood stain under its belly.

There was a three-centimeter-long neat wound on the belly, and there were some complicated things looming under the wound.

Dark red, light pink, dark purple and navy blue are the internal organs and the inner membrane that wraps them.

The dog lay in the yard for two days.It never died, and only looked at Li Zhaowei with a pair of sad eyes.Those eyes are everywhere, in the neighbor's yard, in dreams, in mirrors, in reality.

After my mother answered the phone call from Mr. Li, she would look at him with those sad eyes.

On the third day, it had been gloomy since the morning. When he walked out of the house, the cold rain stuck to his face.The weather forecast said it would rain all day, so Li Zhaowei's mother went to the kindergarten to pick up his younger brother and let Li Zhaowei go home alone.Li Zhaowei was carrying a big schoolbag as before, without an umbrella, standing on tiptoe outside the neighbor's yard, watching the black dog.

On the fourth day, the black dog's belly was still rising and falling, but the amplitude was quite weak.Something seemed to be moving near the wound.

If you want to see it, you can see it clearly.

They were white and small, with two pointed ends, and the head and tail could not be distinguished, and they were constantly wriggling.

Li Zhaowei looked at it for a while, then returned home, and took out the largest bone cutter from the kitchen utensils.

This set of knives is sharp and beautiful, and the price is good. It is a housewarming gift from an uncle.It was not until a long time later that Li Zhaowei realized that it was not his uncle, but his biological father.But this is not important, what is important is that he has a knife now.

He put down his schoolbag, took the knife, and went back to the neighbor's yard.The black dog's eyes moved, looking at the only person in the world who had given him warmth.The gum around its eyes formed hard lumps, and the eyeballs were dry and lifeless.Li Zhaowei put his hand on the black dog's torso, feeling its weak heartbeat for the last time, the wet fur, and the warmth of its body under the cold rain.He gently stroked the black dog's head, giving the dog a caress he had forgotten.

Then he pressed the black dog's head, covered its eyes, and raised the knife high towards its neck.

Li Zhaowei didn't know how long he stood in the yard, it may have been a long time, or it may not have been long, until the neighbor's aunt came out of the house and started screaming, he held the knife motionlessly and stared at the ground.

Intense red, light red.The blood diluted by the rain on the concrete floor meanders and flows into the gutter in the yard.

Neighbors said he was crazy and insane. He killed dogs when he was a child, and he will kill when he grows up.They insulted Li Zhaowei and his mother with various words, hung the head of a black dog on the door of his house, raised the fence, and threw dirt on the door of his house.

After a long time, Li Zhaowei knew that half of those words were true.

But at that time they had already moved into Li's house.

The author has something to say:

The entirety of Chapter 26 was deleted.I understand the specific plot emmmmmmm.