White Swan

Chapter 30

The ugly duckling was sitting on the ground in front of the French windows of the apartment. It was a cold December night. He was wrapped in a loose sweater, with his neck curled up, and his arms wrapped around his knees to hug himself.

Shi Xubai filled a hot water bottle for him, and turned on the heater to the maximum when he was shivering from the cold.

He raised his head and asked Shi Xubai if I'm not wanted anymore.

He was so thin that even wrapped in a thick sweater, he could still see the butterfly bone on the back and the protruding collarbone.Shi Xubai took the blanket from the armrest of the sofa, wrapped it tightly around him, and sat down beside him.The ugly duckling curled up, its lips opened and closed.Shi Xubai got closer to hear what he said.

It hurts.

He's saying it hurts.

"Where does it hurt?" Shi Xubai asked him, with unconcealable anxiety in his voice.His mind was in a mess, and he looked back for his phone, trying to remember what the number to call the ambulance was.

Qiao Fei shook her head, covering her heart with her hands.

Here, my heart hurts.

A tattered rag doll was torn all over its body by its tyrannical owner, revealing the cotton stuffing inside.

But Shi Xubai was reluctant to even sew it up with a needle and thread, for fear of hurting it, he could only hold the doll lightly, cursing its owner in his heart for a terrible death.

The ugly duckling kept crying, Shi Xubai slowly patted him on the back, and hugged him to his chest like coaxing a child.

He wondered if Qiao Fei could hear his heartbeat.

It may be that the hug was too tight, and it squeezed Qiao Fei's injured area, Shi Xubai heard him suppress a small whimper, and trembled all over.

Shi Xubai hurriedly let him go, he didn't know where Qiao Fei was hurt, he just watched him covering his right rib and curled himself up.There was a newly bought first aid kit at home, Shi Xubai got up and took it, trying to gently take Qiao Fei's hand away.

"Let me see, I'll give you medicine."

But Qiao Fei shook violently when Shi Xubai touched the back of his hand, turned to look at him, his eyes were full of timidity and bewilderment, and asked, "Are you going to hit me too?"

Perhaps distressed can no longer describe Shi Xubai's mood, he is just angry, wanting to tear the devil who hurt this baby swan into pieces.Who can deal with such an obedient and docile boy? What's the difference between this and abusing stray cats and dogs by the side of the road?

Shi Xubai suppressed the anger that was burning in his heart, and comforted him: "Good boy, it won't hurt after taking the medicine."

In the end, Qiao Fei asked Shi Xubai to lift up his clothes, but he couldn't hide from him.There was a conspicuous bruise on the right rib, which had turned a dark purple color on Joffe's pale skin.

But Shi Xubai was not looking at the bruise, his eyes were drawn to the place a little to the left of Qiao Fei's navel, where there was a small round scar.

Shi Xubai knew this kind of scar and knew how it was left. He had seen it on his mother when he was a child.

When Qiao Fei saw that Xu Bai didn't move for a long time, he followed his gaze and looked down. The moment he saw the scar, he realized that his eyes filled with tears again.He was half sober from the wine, choked back with sobs, but was forced to stop after his back hit the sofa.

Why, why his ugliest and most embarrassing place was seen by his purest light.

He was like a little beast being pushed into a corner, trying to shrink himself into a ball to cover the ugly scar on his stomach, but he trembled silently after being squeezed to his ribs.

The smoke scar was burned by He Haoyun a year ago.

I don't know which lover of He Haoyun left a pack of cigarettes in the villa, maybe it was unintentional, maybe it was for an excuse to come back.He Haoyun had never smoked before, so he thought of asking the nanny to throw it away.

It just so happened that when He Chijie came to the villa that day, he saw the cigarette case on the coffee table. He thought it was He Haoyun's cigarettes, and scolded him, saying that he didn't learn well and was not allowed to smoke.After he left, He Haoyun smoked one after another the cigarettes that were supposed to be thrown away, filling the room with smoke.

He Chijie didn't let him do what he did.

Qiao Fei came home from the dance troupe, coughed because of the smell of smoke in the room, and asked He Haoyun when did you start smoking.He hit the muzzle directly.

He Haoyun didn't answer, but grabbed Qiao Fei's arm and pulled him into his arms.

Qiao Fei didn't realize that something was wrong until his clothes were lifted up. He screamed and hid back, trying to wake up He Haoyun who had lost his mind.But he was bound so tightly by He Haoyun that he couldn't even move.

In the next second, the cigarette butt with sparks was pressed next to Qiao Fei's belly button, and the heart-piercing pain made Qiao Fei almost see white.

He has been afraid of pain since he was a child, and he doesn't like Lajin, and he doesn't like doing it.like.But he has to do both, one for his dream, and the other for him.

He Haoyun dragged Qiao Fei to the floor-to-ceiling mirror in the bedroom, pulled his hair and made him look at himself in the mirror.

Look, now you really belong to me, don't even think about running away for the rest of your life.

Qiao Fei was trembling with pain, begging He Haoyun for mercy incoherently.But the devil behind said, if you say another word, I will burn you on the root of your ear, and let the world know who you are.

After all, it was a year ago, and Qiao Fei didn't quite remember how painful it was when Qing was scalded.He just felt that being seen by Shi Xubai hurt even more now.

Shi Xubai slowly stretched out his hand to Qiao Fei, as if he wanted to pick up the cat that had been bullied by the brats on the street.He didn't have a weapon in his hand, it was a pair of ballet hands.

"Let me take a look, okay?" Shi Xubai coaxed Qiao Fei, gently flicked the little snail out of its shell, and assured him, "Just take a look."

Qiao Fei couldn't hide from him, so she could only stretch it slowly, exposing the ugly round scar to Shi Xubai's eyes.His voice was crying: "Isn't it ugly?"

He once cried softly after being scalded, holding small stones and praying, hoping that there would be no scars, but he still failed to get his wish.

"Don't cry, Qiao Fei, I'll show you." Shi Xubai raised his hand to wipe away Qiao Fei's tears, lifted up his clothes, revealing a firm belly, "You are not ugly at all, I am only uglier than you .”

There was a burn on the right side of his abdomen, the size of a palm, and a piece of skin protruded there, which was lighter in color than other places.

Qiao Fei had seen this scar before when he was in the dance troupe. Looking at it carefully now, he felt that someone had scratched a famous painting worth tens of millions.His eyes that had just wiped away the tears were full of tears again, leaned over to Shi Xubai, and said earnestly, "I'll show you."

Shi Xubai didn't have time to react, and watched Qiao Fei lower his head and blow gently on his abdomen.His lashes cast a small shadow under the lids, revealing no emotion in the eyes.

He has always known that the ugly duckling has a kind heart.

Blowing and blowing, Qiao Fei cried again, a little tear fell on Shi Xubai's scar.Shi Xubai felt that the tears were very hot, more painful than when they were scalded.

"Why are you injured? It hurts so much." Qiao Fei was a little confused, sobbing and arching into Shi Xubai's arms, like a little animal seeking shelter.

Why is the kindest and lovely boy in the world made like this.

Qiao Fei couldn't stop crying, her body twitched and trembled.Shi Xubai couldn't see him crying, so he wiped his tears with his sleeve distressedly, but couldn't finish it.

In order to distract him, Shi Xubai gently held Qiao Fei's cheek to make him look up: "Qiao Fei, let me tell you a story."

Only then did the ugly duckling slowly stop crying, and blinked at Shi Xubai.

"Once upon a time there was a boy who loved to dance ballet. He regarded ballet as everything to him, and as the god he looked up to." Shi Xubai didn't want Qiao Fei to look into his eyes, so he took him into his arms and put his head in his arms. Gently pressing on his chest, "He has nothing to miss, he has no father, no mother, only piano music and a pair of soft-soled shoes.

"But he was injured. He was not good to himself. In order to chase the gods, he fell and bruised himself all over his body."

Qiao Fei seemed to understand who the protagonist of this story was, and wanted to cover Shi Xubai's mouth with her hand.

"I don't want to hear this story." Qiao Fei shook her head, "It makes me so sad."

Shi Xubai gently took Qiao Fei's hand, let him lean on his chest, and listened to his own heartbeat: "I went to the stage with injuries in the next few months, and my knees were tightly wrapped with bandages. Tell yourself you're not hurt, you're whole."

He went on to tell his story: "I feel like a little mermaid with human legs, stepping on the tip of a knife every step I take. I know that dancing will make my illness worse, but I can't stop. I seem to be possessed and don't dance. I would die, but I don't want to die."

"I'm in pain too." Shi Xubai smiled, "It hurts so much."

Qiao Fei couldn't help reaching out to wipe the smile off Shi Xubai's mouth, he didn't want to see him smile now.He felt that Shi Xubai smiled very sadly, and he felt sorry for him.

Shi Xubai grabbed Qiao Fei's hand, kissed his fingertips, and said, the audience watched my pain, applauded it, and called it art.

I am not a prince in the ballet world, no crown, no throne, and no dignity.

Shi Xubai pretended to be strong in front of everyone. He was good at covering up pain with a smile and loss with tenderness.

The scab that has lost its pain is always hard to resist the desire to tear it off, just like the newly grown soft skin, knowing that it is fragile, but always wants to get rid of the hard protective shell.

But he wasn't as indifferent as he seemed.The god who had been with him since he was a child despised him, so he didn't want him, and left him behind.There is a saying in the ballet world that when a ballerina reaches a certain level, they should stop dancing, and after that, they will just keep chasing so-called perfection and drive themselves crazy.

Shi Xubai didn't know if he had ever been perfect, he only knew that he would never be able to dance again.

He chose to be a ballet choreographer and wanted to create a dance drama for other dancers to tell stories for him, but only he knew how envious he felt when watching those actors dance ballet.

In fact, he is also a broken doll, but the stitches are better, but the thread is very thin, and it is easy to break. After a long time, the cracks all over his body have also appeared.

Shi Xubai didn't want to pretend anymore, he was also tired.

"Baby, I can't dance anymore, I can't dance anymore." Shi Xubai pressed his lips to Qiao Fei's ear, his voice was so small that he could hardly hear it.The hot air he exhaled hit Jofei's earlobe, and he shivered.

"I have always thought that dancing may be a kind of survival instinct for me. If I can't dance, I can't live anymore. But now I can't dance, but I am still alive, but what I breathe is not air, but air. water.

"You will keep jumping, okay?" Shi Xubai stared into Qiao Fei's eyes, "Promise me, you will become a white swan in the future."

Qiao Fei looked at him with a dazed look, and said, "I may not be able to turn into a swan, but I will end up as an ordinary little yellow duck."

After he was drunk, he was very fragile. He didn't know what to think of, and there were tears in his eyes.

Shi Xubai hugged him tighter again.He didn't bother to say the cliché lines in the TV series, the "don't cry, don't cry, I'm here for nothing" type of words are useless at all.

Rather than comforting him, Shi Xubai wanted to cry with him more.

They used the same shattered and scarred hands to try to block the bleeding wounds on each other's bodies, trying to be a short-term comfort in each other's life.

In order to make him more comfortable, Shi Xubai moved his position with his arms around Qiao Fei, but was stung by something in his pocket.He took it out and saw that it was a light gray pebble.Shi Xubai played with it in his hand, for some reason, he felt a little familiar.

Qiao Fei's eyes followed the small stone, trying to take it back, but as if she was afraid of something, the hand that had just been stretched out suddenly retracted.

"Are you going to take this too?"

"Give it back to me, please, it's all I have left."

Shi Xubai was stunned for a moment, and after he realized his reaction, he quickly put the small stone back into Qiao Fei's hand, watching him hold it in his palm like he was treating some expensive diamond.

After a while, Qiao Fei fell asleep in Shi Xubai's arms, still holding the small stone tightly in her hand.

Shi Xubai looked down at the ugly duckling nestled in his arms.The boy was sleeping well, with a drunken blush on his cheeks.Shi Xubai carried him to the bathroom, wiped him, changed into a pajamas, carried him to his bedroom, and stuffed him under the quilt.

The wound on Qiao Fei's face and ribs hadn't been treated with medicine yet, so Shi Xubai took the medicine box from the living room and sprayed him with a little swelling and pain-relieving spray.

He got under the covers himself and wrapped the two of them into a ball.

Qiao Fei didn't sleep soundly, her brows were slightly furrowed, and her eyelashes trembled slightly.His fingertips kept gripping the quilt tightly, and his body shook from time to time.

I forgot to draw the curtains before going to bed, and a small piece of moonlight came in, just casting on Qiao Fei.Shi Xubai didn't feel sleepy, he just stroked Qiao Fei's back with his palm, trying to make him sleep more peacefully.

When Shi Xubai was about to fall asleep, an extremely small whisper came from his chest, which could not be heard unless he listened carefully.

"Why are you so nice to me?" Qiao Fei buried her face in Shi Xubai's arms, wondering if she was talking in sleep, "I'm not worth it."

Shi Xubai thought for a moment, put his lips on Qiao Fei's forehead, and rubbed his fingertips on his back.

"No baby, you are the most worthy person I have ever met."