like the abyss

Chapter 36

The mat on the climbing frame was messed up by Qin Xiaoer. Lu Yuan looked at it for a while, thinking endlessly, he wanted to replace Qin Xiaoer with a new one, and add a few more bags of cat food and cat litter.

He let go too quickly, Qin Suzheng had already tried to persuade him, but now it was useless, and he couldn't think of where to start.

The two sat opposite each other.Lu Yuan looked at the shelf, Qin Suzheng looked at him, the sofa was not far away, and the other party's breathing was clearly audible.

The morning sun was soft and gentle, Lu Yuan sat for a while, feeling drowsy.Lu Yuan half closed his eyes, thought for a while, touched the cigarette case from behind the pillow, shook out two cigarettes, and handed one to Qin Suzheng, "Do you want it?"

He didn't open his eyes, his slender eyelashes trembled in the mist of light, Qin Suzheng's heart skipped a beat, he took the slender cigarette and lighter in a daze, lit it, and handed the lighter back to Lu Yuan.

Lu Yuan gently pinched the lighter with his fingers and turned it around, lit it with a "click", but did not inhale, just held the cigarette flat to his eyes, and looked at Qin Suzheng through a thin wisp of smoke.

Qin Suzheng didn't speak yet.It was he who wanted to talk, but he couldn't say anything.

Lu Yuan held the cigarette loosely between two fingers and took a puff. He raised his head skillfully and exhaled the smoke. He watched them rising, entangled and drifting away. He closed his eyes again, "Do you remember the first time you saw Bai Ru'an?"

Qin Suzheng held the cigarette without moving, and looked at him without blinking.

Lu Yuan didn't care.The smoke was intertwined into various shapes, and he stirred it with his fingers, and continued incoherently: "I smoked for the first time when I was a child, and my face was covered with tears. I can't figure out what good it is."

As if afraid of disturbing him, Qin Suzheng said softly, "When I was a child?"

Lu Yuan looked at him, and suddenly laughed, he could vaguely see Li Wo, "Well, it was the first time I saw you."

"That day Bai Ru'an was sitting under my window sill, and you came after a while. I saw you hugging him and stroking his hair."

"So gentle."

"I was so envious, I took a deep puff of the cigarette, became dizzy, and felt numb from the top of my head to my spine."

Qin Suzheng didn't speak.

Lu Yuan turned his gaze away, "Doesn't that sound like a good kid?"

Qin Suzheng shook his head, "No."

Seeing his actions, Lu Yuan laughed again, it was a kind of obedient smile, "I know I'm not good, just talk nonsense."

He paused for a moment.

"I hate my mother."

Lu Yuan narrowed his eyes, "I haven't forgiven her yet."

Qin Suzheng still stared at him firmly.

He looked at Qin Suzheng, "Last time you said I was squeamish and that my mother doted on me."

"Never had a pet."

"She went crazy early on."

"Lu Jiming is ashamed and refuses to send her for treatment. The crazier she gets, the more Lu Jiming hates her, and me."

"She couldn't keep Lu Jiming, and began to feel that everything was my fault."

"She blamed me for not being good enough and not good-looking enough."

"Bai Ru'an was sick for a while, and Lu Jiming didn't come back for a long time. She had a sudden idea and locked me outside to freeze for a whole night. The next day I had a high fever, so she called Lu Jiming and said that I was going to be sick. died."

"Of course Lu Jiming ignored her."

"She was so crazy and crazy, she boiled herself dry."

"In the end, when she was really about to die of illness, she asked me if I could forgive her."

"I can not do it."

"I feel guilty about it, but I can't do it."

Lu Yuan looked down at the burnt smoke, his eyelashes cast a shadow on his lower eyelid.

Qin Suzheng clenched his fists tightly, his cigarette had already been extinguished, and the body of the cigarette was twisted by his grip.

Lu Yuan ordered another one.

"That's why I didn't like Bai Ruan at all when he first came to the Lu family."

"Why is he so lucky, I can't figure it out at all."

"I was so jealous that I got angry. Occasionally, I would have some bad, bad thoughts, such as pushing him down the stairs and watching him fall with blood all over his face."

"Or choke his neck in a place where no one is around, and wait for him to slowly become stiff and stiff."

Lu Yuan took a puff of his cigarette, didn't look at Qin Suzheng, and sat down with his legs folded and his knees folded, his chin resting on his bent knees, curled up into a ball.

"But I dare not."

"I thought about it and decided to lie to myself that he doesn't have everything."

"Like a perfect brother."

Lu Yuan sneaked a glance at Qin Suzheng, then immediately looked away.

"I don't know how I thought of your face. I couldn't stop crying that day, and I didn't see anything clearly."

"I don't know what a brother should be like."

"Maybe very serious, understand everything, tall, can lift me up, and play games with me."

"He will promise me that he only likes me, no matter how nice others are, he won't like him."

"As a result, I betrayed the 'Hate Bai Ru'an Alliance' first."

"It's hard for normal people not to like Bai Ru'an."

"It's too embarrassing to fantasize about brother. If I hadn't met you again, I would have almost forgotten about it."

After a pause, Lu Yuan looked at Qin Suzheng's arm.Qin Suzheng was wearing a T-shirt, his forearm was exposed, and a conspicuous scar could be seen.

"The second day I met you, you were injured trying to save me."

"It's just a dream come true."

Lu Yuan shrank back and buried his forehead on his knees, "So when I heard your friend say that you like Bai Ru'an that day, I got angry."

"Didn't you promise to only like me?"

"The car accident woke me up."

"Actually, it has nothing to do with others. It's all about myself."

"You are also very troubled. You confessed rashly before, and then kicked you out unreasonably."

"Oh, and what happened last night, I shouldn't blame you."

"Xiao Shen didn't tell me the truth, I'm in a hurry."

Lu Yuan put out the cigarette butt.

Qin Suzheng was speechless.

Lu Yuan thought for a while, then lifted his trousers to show him the wound.The wound was coated with a film of light by the sun, and it looked less hideous than last night.

Qin Suzheng pursed his lips.

Lu Yuan measured the length of the wound with his fingers, and then gestured over the scar on Qin Suzheng's arm.

"It doesn't hurt very much anymore, it's just a little itchy."

"When I forcibly pulled the leg out that day, I was thinking, does this count as returning it to you?"

"Sure enough, it's about the same length. I can feel it very accurately."

His hand was still dangling in the air, but Qin Suzheng suddenly grabbed it.

Lu Yuan froze for a moment, then looked up at him.

Qin Suzheng's face was very strange, and his voice was trembling, "Don't give it back to me."

Lu Yuan blinked his eyes.

Qin Suzheng stood up suddenly, leaned over and hugged Lu Yuan, "Will you not break up?"

He used his strength to make sure that the person in his arms was real.

Lu Yuan raised his head, his chin stuck in the socket of his shoulder.

Qin Suzheng softened his tone, like a deep cello.

"Lu Yuan, I like you."

Lu Yuan didn't struggle, and let him hold her obediently.

This embrace was something Lu Yuan had imagined, from strength to temperature, everything was perfect.

But Lu Yuan didn't hug him back.He leaned against Qin Suzheng's ear and spoke softly and steadily.

"But you are not my brother."

"I don't believe you, Qin Suzheng."