cloud fall wind smoke

Chapter 44 1 people

Until I returned to City B, returned to my residence, returned to my bed, and returned to my quilt.Only then did I dare to take out the letter from Pineapple, and slowly opened it under the desk lamp.

"Dear Hang:

Allow me to call you that one last time.I know you might hate me for not being able to keep my promises.I once told you that I would propose to you under the snow-capped mountains of country R, ​​that I would give you a happy and beautiful future, and that I would be with you forever.And I kept breaking my promise.

We used to be a good couple, but now we live alone and fly solo. It is impossible for me not to hate myself. During this period of time, I have been reflecting on why I have come to this point.

I have thought a lot, without you by my side, I really don’t know the meaning of life. This is the biggest feeling I have felt during this period of time. Many times I want to become a monk or escape into Buddhism.

Since you moved out to live, you have been ignoring me, which shows that you are completely disappointed in me, and my heart is like a knife stabbed in my heart. I never thought that one day you and I would become like this.

Sent you a lot of messages, you didn't reply me a word, I know what you mean, and how frustrated you are with me, I want to say, this is not what I want.I know that you are the only person in this world who is sincere to me. There are many people in this world who are very materialistic. Only your true temperament is the only soul mate worth entrusting for life. I really don’t know that I lost you. In this world Where in the world can you find someone like you.Maybe there will be, but the fit with me is definitely not as high as yours.

In fact, think about it, I think you are more mature than me, and you are not so emotional when dealing with things. You are very rational and calm.

I know how serious mistakes I have made, and I am making up for it. I am immature in front of you, and it is because I am not qualified to be mature in front of you. If I behave as calmly as you, I don't know us. What will become of the final outcome.Even if we can't be lovers, maybe we can still be brothers.

I think you are my spiritual pillar. Seeing you gives me great help. I like to listen to your speech, I like to see your demeanor, I like your every word and deed, so I want to keep you by my side , love is selfish.

The plane back to the city is about to take off. I sat in the middle, and the seat by the window was vacant. I think this seat should be reserved for you by God. When you come, it will not be vacant.

......"

The letter was very long, and before I finished reading it, I couldn't make a sound. Tears accidentally soaked the letter paper and smeared the handwriting. I hurriedly found a hair dryer to dry the paper, and then clipped them into a thick notebook.

Not long after that, I bought a notebook, and when I thought about pineapples, I wrote them in my diary.

Moderate to heavy rain on August 8

Now it's raining again outside the window, white and foggy.I can't see the edge at a glance, just like how I look forward to seeing you, but I can't see your figure.

I don't know where you are, I don't know if you are doing well now, I don't know if you miss me.

It's as if I don't know anything, just blindly falling into, falling into, falling into a vortex that can't escape you.

Every sentence I want to write to you seems to have no end.

Where is the sky in the distance, where are you in the distance, where are the memories in the distance...

Sunny September 9

When you open the night, you open the loneliness.I am still alone, without you, but still unable to escape.

Randomly write something on the paper, but I can't write what the future will be like.

I know that I have to walk alone in the future, and I also know that I must be strong, I must be brave, and I must move forward, because no one will protect me from the wind and rain, and I still have to live.

cloudy on October 9

Once again, I heard the sound of the elevator, and I got up to meet him hopefully, but the elevator did not stop at my floor, and my hope was once again lost.

The consequence of being accustomed to accepting disappointment is to make people no longer hopeful.This usually makes me very negative, but in the end it is not worth the repetition of time, and gradually I become a little calmer, if this can also be regarded as a kind of normal state.

Partly cloudy on October 10

I don't miss it until I lose it

Everything I miss is gone

Love goes all the way and goes all the way

where the memory is, there you are

Close your eyes and pay attention silently

Cloudy with light rain on July 10

love, can you

you, want to hug you

love, love you

I'm still in place

it's still raining

The sun is still hiding

The sky is still clouded

and you still didn't come

October 10 heavy fog

I live in a kind of depression, doing repetitive things every day.Every day when the time comes, the time-space box unleashes the same monster, unable to escape and powerless to change.Endure without end.

Want to try but can't start, lonely company, tears flowing, pure desire and no worries, whether it is joy or sorrow.

……

Sunny September 12

The sun shines on my face again, I try to open my eyes, and I see you beside me.

They looked at each other and remained silent.

A moment later, you suddenly turn around to leave.

I suddenly got up and hugged you.

Your arms also circled around me politely.

"Hold tight, just this once."

"Sailing, how have you been recently?"

"I'm fine, how about you?"

"Don't worry, I just miss you."

"Me too."

"Sailing, you look haggard a lot, is it really worrying?"

"I...I still miss you very much..."

"Don't cry, I promise you, as long as we both live well, one day we will meet again."

"really?"

"Well, at that time, we can live together and never separate!"

"Ah."

"But you also have to promise me, cheer up and start your new life."

"Ah."

……

The last diary entry recorded a dream. Although I woke up crying, seeing pineapple again in my dream really made me happy for a long time.Since then, I have not used that diary again, nor have I kept a diary.

I decided not to sink, I want to start my new life, just like the pineapple in the dream said to me.I promised him that I would cheer up and do what I said!

W City, the home of Fengli.

"Where are you going after you just came back?" Fengli's mother chased out the door and asked Fengli loudly.

"Mom, after the baby is born, maybe everything will be fine." A woman with a big belly walked out with difficulty in moving, holding the door frame with one hand and the back with the other, and said to the pineapple mother in the yard. .

"I hope." Pineapple's mother looked helpless, turned her head and said to the woman apologetically, "It's just hard work for you alone, and a man is not around during pregnancy. This should be the time when a woman needs her husband's company the most. Bar."

"It's okay, I'm used to it." The woman smiled wryly, "At least this family is still supported by him alone, so why should I be dissatisfied?"

——Unfinished, to be continued——