Greedy.

Chapter 34 Endgame

"Why?" he asked again.

You gave him seven days.There are three days left now.

"Is it because of my hesitation?" He asked anxiously, "Or my previous questioning?"

He was almost trapped in the panic of rushing to the doctor.Worrying over and over again, blaming myself over and over again... Frustrating over and over again.

It seems that if you find the source of the dead end, you can read the file and start over again, and change to a harmonious and beautiful world that lasts forever.

You look at him with almost pity.You know neither.Qiao Qing has done well enough, he is sensitive enough, but he also gave you full respect and space, trusted your statement, allowed you to conceal, and even tolerated your unreasonable troubles unconditionally.He will also be angry and tentatively, but that is just to make you love the world more and treat yourself better.

You still remember that day when Joe ran away with a grunt, and you still didn't forget to make porridge for you.

You raised the corner of your mouth slightly.

What makes everything irreparable is boredom.

You have long been tired of him, but the sudden flow of time brought back your brief change of heart.Now the magic of time has expired, and you fall back under the spell of invariance.You once boasted that "a person cannot have endless changes", but you were dazzled by love, thinking that you could be loyal until death.

You thought you could fight time.If your love is really that great, then you won't run away when you first discover Qiao Qing's "amnesia", and you won't be jealous after giving nothing.You have been demanding change, emotion, life force from him.

Those wild guesses never broke anything, it just advanced.Without suspicion, boredom will appear sooner or later—three years, five years, ten years, no one knows.The old days ruined you, you lost the ability to love people long ago.There are three thousand roads, none of which belong to you.

You won't have an ending, and you shouldn't, don't even deserve an ending.

You know it well, but you can't say it.Tell him he's not at fault, or let him think he ruined everything?When you choose to escape again, the only thing left for you is mutual loss.

"Should I change my career?" He was almost incoherent, "Whatever is fine, as long as you stay, whatever is fine."

He is like a child who is accused of making mistakes for no reason. In order to avoid more severe punishment, he has no choice but to accept the crime regardless.

"Shh—" you say.You leaned forward and kissed his forehead.Gently and carefully, it seems to have a thousand words, and it seems to be just a simple comfort, without any sensuality.

Qiao Qing gradually became quiet.He seemed to realize deeply and desperately in this kiss that no matter what he did, it would be useless.Whether he is begging or arguing, if you make a decision, it is a decision.

When you put him on the tip of your hat, one look from him can break your heart, and it's only a few days before it's all worthless.How cheap.

"I hate you," he said.

"Ah."

Qiao Qing seemed to be suddenly irritated. "Aren't you afraid that I will force you?" He said viciously, "Tie you up, lock you up, use hallucinogens or sleeping pills, half dead is better than dying in front of my eyes!"

You watch him quietly.

"You think I dare not?" he hoarse.

"You won't." You said, "You are my Qiao Qing, so you won't."

A look of deep pain flashed across his face for a moment.You still add fuel to the fire: "You are reluctant."

"Enough." Qiao said softly, "Enough."

He gave you a deep look, and for a moment you thought he was going to cry, but he just slowly closed his eyes.He seemed to be enduring something so hard that the veins on his forehead were throbbing.You hesitated to raise your hand, but you heard him say word by word——

"I'll hate you for three more days," he said, "and then I'll forget about you."

Your raised hand froze there, and after a long while, you gently curled your fingers, and replied, "Yes."

Then you moved your fingertips slightly, across the void, tracing his eyebrows for the last time.

And he never opened his eyes.

For the next two days, Qiao Qing was like a puppet without joy or sorrow, he would follow you wherever you went.You don't mind being followed by him, and you don't mind being watched by him, but although he follows you, he doesn't intend to communicate with you.

He just sat down half a meter away, and then lost his mind.

His empty vision seemed to be wound up, and after a while he asked "Can you stay?" You even noticed the time, and the interval between them was exactly two and a half minutes.

You said "no" at first, but then you just kept silent. Qiao Qingxiang didn't expect any response, and looked away after asking, with a blank expression.

It seems that his wreck-like body is full of emotions that have no place to rest. Every moment, a new round of hope is automatically and consciously generated. His soul cannot rest here, so he can only use it as a firework when the longing is accumulated to the extreme. up.

Just to hear the sound, as for the burning when it exploded, and the barrenness when it fell, it doesn't matter.

Sometimes you feel that Qiao Qing's insistence on following you is actually tormenting him.But he refused to leave. After you said it twice, you stopped talking.

Two days is actually very fast.That is to say, they crossed their eyes more than a dozen times, and moved away with indifference.

The last day of the appointment is coming to an end, and you are actually very calm.Before you met Qiao Qing, you could be considered a professional suicide.Although others' reluctance was carried on his shoulders this time, it didn't make his bones hard because of it.

You get used to it and it shouldn't hurt too much.There will be no pain for him.

You even fell asleep peacefully.There is no dream, and I can't remember it, but when you woke up, you met Qiao Qing's gaze, and this was the first time in three days that he took the initiative to look at you for a long time.

"Didn't sleep?" If he hadn't slept just now, he hadn't rested for at least forty hours.

"Need not."

His answer was curt and distant, the tone you haven't heard him say in a long time. "Go to sleep for a while." You sat up, "I'll leave when you wake up."

"Can't sleep."

"Okay." You said, "I'll be with you."

You probably sat with him for five or six hours before Qiao Qing's breathing finally calmed down.Then less than two hours later, he woke up suddenly.

He looked at you in a dim light, still in shock.You hesitated for a moment, and held out a hand.

He tightened his grip almost immediately.The sound of his rapid breathing echoed in the room, like some kind of ominous prelude.

Then he came back to himself - he should have come back to himself, because he let go.Qiao Qing returned to his previous indifferent look, and said indifferently: "I can do it. If you want... let's start."

After thinking about it, you still turned around and advised, "Don't come here."

Qiao pursed his lips tightly and just shook his head.

"You will have nightmares for the rest of your life." You are helpless.

"I have already." He said.

You were speechless for a moment.

You have a pocket knife ready for this moment.It is very thin and sharp, and it makes people feel cold when held in the hand.

You smile.This also means that the moment will be very fast, very light, and there will not be too many obstacles.

You rubbed the spine of the knife and looked up at him.

"Aren't you saying goodbye?"

He was silent for a few seconds before he said, "I won't say goodbye."

"Hate me so much." You laughed again, "But it's true that we won't see you again, so it's fine not to say anything."

You glance aside.On the stand is a paper crane ready to fly, which you folded while he was sleeping.You don't have a stack of dragons, you think he won't like it.

You were going to leave it with him, as a last resort.But now you suddenly realize that you shouldn't give.What you should do most is to leave quietly, so as not to cast a shadow on him for the rest of his life.

"Live well. Try to be happy—try to."

The way he looks at you is like saying "Are you qualified to say this sentence".

You laughed dumbfounded, seeing his expression suddenly changed, and blurted out: "Be careful!" You were stunned, followed his gaze and lowered your head, only to realize that you hadn't paid attention just now, and your fingertips were scratched with blood.

It was two or three centimeters long, and blood was slowly seeping out.You curled your fingers and said indifferently, "It's not deep."

"But," you look at him, "you know what I'm going to do next, don't you?"

In fact, you should laugh.He obviously decided to die, and he also looked as if he had accepted it, but he was still terrified because he broke his skin a little bit.But when you looked at his expression, you didn't want to laugh, but felt that the narrow wound suddenly felt twice as painful.

Don't it hurt like this.You think, you can't stand it.

He didn't answer.You said again: "Go out. Don't look at it, it will be a torment for you and me."

Qiao Qing remained motionless.He was like a god bent on suffering.

But why bother?You sighed, there was no heavenly fire to take, and no one to blame him, so why were you bound?

--some.You suddenly froze.

He keeps blaming himself.For this reason, he has to watch his own powerlessness and make "misses" with his own hands.Maybe it was some kind of atonement, or maybe it was just a simple punishment.

"Joe?" You asked softly.

His expression changed.You look at him: "It's not your fault—it's not your fault that I chose this path."

He didn't ask, but you answered for the first time.

"I just...can't imagine that I'm tired of you. I can't stand that I'm tired of you."

"... Exit when it's time to exit, and you are still flashing in my memory."

"I'm too selfish."

Qiao Qing seemed to want to laugh it off, but failed.His jaw was tense, and he only glanced at you, then hurriedly lowered his eyes.But you still see it.That eye was flushed, a dry red, with a gloomy bloody smell.

"Leave yourself alone," you say, "Forget about me, as you said."

He rolled his Adam's apple for a long time, and said, "It's too late."

You are silent.

After an unknown amount of time, a silver light flashed on the back of the knife, and you woke up like a dream, and whispered: "I should go."

His eyes trembled sharply.You subconsciously raise your hand, as if you want to hug a fluttering butterfly.

It was just a momentary trance.

Then you raise your hand again.This time it's for the knife.

Finally lifted it up.

"Then... never again..."

He suddenly grabbed your wrist.Very hard, but trembling slightly.

Joe's lips moved lightly.There are only a few vague syllables, and you have to listen very hard to hear the murmur of "Stay, please".Over and over again, trying in vain to redeem something.

His eyes were extremely red, like an old dream full of dust.You were at a loss for a moment before thinking, no.

A world... There shouldn't be only two people.

It's all... already determined.

"I'm sorry." You held his hand, and you couldn't tell if it was you shaking or him shaking. "Joe Qing, I'm sorry."

I love you.

It's just that you came too late.too late.

You gently slapped his hand away.

Then came a moment of pain, cold and damp, with a lingering darkness.

You took a step back drowsily, feeling more and more blood dripping from between your fingers, the temperature passed away quickly, and you only felt sticky.Then you hit something and it holds you up and keeps you from falling over.

You were confused for a while before you realized it was Qiao Qing's arm.You withdrew your hands in vain, trying to sweep away the rushing blood.

Don't fall on his clothes...

But I can't help you.

Qiao Qing seemed to be muttering something, but unfortunately couldn't hear clearly.

You look up one last time, then close your eyes in relief or regret.

The paper crane was still spattered with blood.

It shrank and collapsed little by little, like a flower that withered in an instant.The flowering period is over, and the pieces are turned into mud. From your blurred vision, it seems to be just a rickety torn paper ball.The words inside must have been infiltrated with blood and blurred, so no one can read them clearly anymore.

But you still remember.You muttered silently in the cold and damp darkness——

——You are the last passer-by on my road, the last spring, the last snow, the last war for survival. *

You thought in a daze, Qiao Qing, you missed the flowering period.

I don't think we will meet again.

At this point, your frozen soul revives.

Desperately walked into the burning fire.

The author has something to say:

*I am the last passer-by on your road, the last spring, the last snow, the last war for survival.

——The Phoenix, Paul Éluard

TBC