i know i'm sick

Chapter 20

He doesn't love me, so why bother to cheat my feelings... After all, I've never been sorry to him..."

Yang Anning closed his eyes, but the tiredness in the corners of his eyes was easily revealed.

Ling Ran couldn't say anything, he realized once again what it means to be self-inflicted and not to live.

You meet a person, you make a mistake to him, you think the mistake can be made up, but in the end it comes to nothing.No matter how you fix it, if you make a mistake, it is a mistake, and you can never treat it as if you didn't make it.

Ling Ran was dumbfounded, and it took him a long time to come back to his senses.Ling Ran heard himself making a dry and weak voice: "This is not your fault. You have never been wrong."

Yang Anning stopped talking and seemed to have fallen asleep.

Ling Ran looked at him for a while, showed a bitter smile, and pulled him into his arms.

It's always because of myself.An Ning suffers because of herself.

44.

Yang Anning is not a saint.

If it was 12 years ago, when he was 23 years old, he knew about his parents, he would never use his life to pay for it.He may agree to do the blood transfer, but he will definitely find ways to keep himself alive, and then he will not let himself have any involvement with the Demon Cult - after all, this is the fault of his parents, and some must be paid back. He will pay back, but if he asks for more, he will not be able to do it, and he does not want to do it.

But the Yang Anning now is no longer the Yang Anning at that time.

he is sick.

In the dark dungeon, his life was slowly passing by, and he asked himself thousands of times why he had to be treated like this.He can't figure it out, he doesn't know the answer, he can only find it from others.In the end, he could only think of what Ling Ran said - this is his debt, so he got such a punishment.He doesn't know whether this reason is right or wrong, but only this reason can explain what happened to him, and only this reason can make him face Ling Ran's deception and betrayal.Torturing herself again and again, Yang Anning deeply imprinted this thought in her bones.Even after leaving the dungeon and escaping from the Hundred Thousand Mountains, this idea is still deeply rooted in his bones and cannot be erased.Yang Anning was serious about what Liu Sanzhe and Ling Ran said, he really thought he should have died long ago.

Yang Anning is not a weak person, but he is not made of iron and copper, his heart is always made of flesh.No one can feel the coming of death while facing the betrayal of a lover, the double torture of body and emotion, coupled with the cramped and oppressive environment in the dungeon, forced Yang Anning to the ground.

Yang Anning sometimes feels that what survives now is just a shell, and his spirit and soul have long been buried in the Hundred Thousand Mountains.Just like a puppeteer manipulating a puppet, he doesn't care whether the puppet is sick or injured. Even if he repairs the puppet occasionally, it's just a need to continue to make money.Yang Anning doesn't care whether his body is terminally ill or not. He took care of it before, but it was just to better fulfill his responsibilities and manage Zheliu Villa well.

No matter how normal he behaved, Yang Anning was always a patient suffering from madness.

What Zhang Qian said is correct, illness is always a disaster, Yang Anning's heart disease has been accumulating and cannot be relieved, even if he tries to adjust it now, he is completely powerless.

45.

When Yang Anning woke up, it was already dark, and he was wearing Ling Ran's coat, leaning against Ling Ran's arms.

Yang Anning broke free from his embrace and stood up.When Yang Anning stood up, Ling Ran's clothes slid to the ground.Yang Anning bent down to pick up the clothes, but unexpectedly confronted Ling Ran.Ling Ran took his hand and pulled him to sit on the stone chair.Yang Anning's hands were a little cold.

Ling Ran looked into his eyes and said, "An Ning, listen to me."

Ling Ran's eyes were bloodshot, self-blame and remorse could be seen on his face without special distinction.Yang Anning remembered what they said before falling asleep, lowered her head and said, "There's no need to say it."

Ling Ran supported his face with one hand, made him look up, and said: "Listen to me, An Ning, what you said before is not your fault, you owe no one, even if someone should pay for those who died Responsible, that person is not you."

Yang Anning was in a daze, Ling Ran's words were like a stone thrown into the lake of his heart, at first there was no reaction on the lake, but then the ripples grew bigger and bigger.

It is not my fault?Whose fault is that?Yes, it was my parents' fault.But they died, so it's still my fault, right?

Ling Ran seemed to split into two in front of him.A young, arrogant, and arrogant, he said in Yang Anning's ear: "Of course it's your fault, who made you Miao Shanshan's son!" Another mature, cautious, gentle and restrained, said in front of Yang Anning: " No, it's not your fault, and you're not responsible for any of this."

Yang Anning covered her head, bent down, and wailed softly.Yang Anning growled: "I don't want to hear it! Get out, get out!"

Ling Ran hugged him helplessly, Yang Anning's body trembled like a leaf in the autumn wind.

Ling Ran rested his chin lightly on the top of his head, and said: "Your life can be yours, or even Zheliu Villa's, but your life is definitely not those of the dead. They died long ago, kill them It's not you, they don't even know who you are. An Ning, let yourself go..."

Yang Anning's body gradually calmed down, and when he raised his head again, his eyes were already red.He stared at Ling Ran and said, "Why do you say that? Who are you?"

Ling Ran's whole body instantly became icy cold.He looked at Yang Anning, mumbling and speechless.

Yang Anning asked him forcefully, "Who are you?"

Ling Ran started, and admitted in a low voice, "It's me."

Before he finished speaking, Yang Anning pushed him away, staggered back a few steps, and slammed his back against the pillar of the gazebo.Yang Anning gasped for breath, cold sweat broke out involuntarily on the palms of his hands.There was a bit of fear in his voice, and his expression was a little distorted.Yang Anning asked: "Why are you here? What do you want to do?"

Ling Ran didn't dare to move, he had already expected Yang Anning's reaction, but he didn't want to continue to deceive him.Pretending to be "Ah Ran" is certainly possible to stay by An Ning's side, but this is not what Ling Ran wants. "Ah Ran" is not him, he wants to be with An Ning, with Ling Ran's identity, for real.

Yang Anning continued to ask: "Where is Ah Ran? Where did you get him?"

Yang Anning's expression changed, as if he suddenly understood something, his voice was unsteady, he looked at Ling Ran fiercely, and asked, "Could it be you all this time?"

Ling Ran's nails almost reached the palm of his hand, and he slowly admitted: "It's always...it's me."

Yang Anning gasped, almost wanting to run away.His right hand hugged the pillar backwards, and his whole body leaned on it. If there was nothing to lean on, he would have been paralyzed on the ground now.Yang Anning tried to speak several times, but all he could make was a hissing sound.

Ling Ran took two steps back to distance himself from Yang Anning.Ling Ran's words were full of bitterness, he said: "I won't go forward, don't be afraid."

Yang Anning took a deep breath, straightened his waist, and stood up straight: "I should have known...how could you be driven away so easily...I'm just deceiving myself."

Ling Ran closed his eyes forcefully and then opened them immediately, he wanted to use this to suppress the soreness in his eyes, Ling Ran said: "An Ning, I really have no malice, I am here to make amends, I want to make it up to you, you believe me... "

Yang Anning let out a piercing laugh, which was full of self-mockery and sarcasm. Yang Anning said, "Trust you? You lied to me by pretending to be 'A Ran' and made me believe you? Master Ling, I'm cheap, but I don't Stupid. Or, do you think it’s interesting to tease a lunatic and watch me being played around by you? After all these years, I can still entertain Master Ling, I’m really honored.”

Ling Ran wanted to show Yang Anning his heart, so that Yang Anning could understand that he really wanted to get him back, but it was useless, he would not believe it.Ling Ran said: "I don't want to lie to you, but if I wasn't 'Ah Ran', you wouldn't have let me stay by your side at all... An Ning, we've met again for so long, isn't what I've done enough to prove my love? Are you sincere?"

Yang Anning sneered: "Sincere? Your sincerity is the day before yesterday and the month before yesterday, and the vows of the mountains and the sea, and the next day, you can kill people! Master Ling, how much is your sincerity worth? You always have many reasons, and I am the one who is wrong... ..."

"No!" Ling Ran interrupted him: "It's my fault. I don't ask for your forgiveness, I just want you to give me another chance."

Yang Anning squinted at him, this Ling Ran was too unfamiliar to him.Whether it's Ah Ran or Ah Ning, they are all proud. He has never seen the person in front of him who almost buried himself in the soil.Yang Anning licked her dry lips and said, "Master Ling, I don't know what you want to do this time. But if you really want to make up, please leave, we don't need to meet again."

Ling Ran twitched the corners of his mouth and said, "An Ning, I can promise you everything else except this. I want to be with you. From now on, every day and every year, I will never leave you again."

Yang Anning said, "Are you... forcing me?"

Ling Ran shook his head: "I'm not forcing you. You can ignore me, you can beat me and scold me, but I will never let you leave me again. An Ning, I've had enough without you, you can only live in by my side."

Yang Anning asked: "What if I don't agree?"

Ling Ran said: "You have no room for non-compliance. An Ning, you must stay by my side."

Yang Anning's face was livid: "You didn't force me, you just threatened me. Ling Ran, after so many years, you still haven't changed. If I don't agree, are you going to deal with Zheliu Villa?"

Ling Ran lowered his head, covered his expression, and said, "If you want